The Three Clerks by Anthony Trollope

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Katie did not quite understand this, but she thought in her heart
that she would not at all mind giving up talking for the whole
evening if she could only get dancing enough. But on this matter
her heart misgave her. To be sure, she was engaged to Charley for
the first quadrille and second waltz; but there her engagements
stopped, whereas Clementina, as she was aware, had a whole book
full of them. What if she should get no more dancing when
Charley's good nature should have been expended? She had an idea
that no one would care to dance with her when older partners were
to be had. Ah, Katie, you do not yet know the extent of your
riches, or half the wealth of your own attractions!

And then they all heard another little speech from Mrs. Val. 'She
was really quite ashamed--she really was--to see so many people;
she could not wish any of her guests away, that would be
impossible--though perhaps one or two might be spared,' she said
in a confidential whisper to Gertrude. Who the one or two might
be it would be difficult to decide, as she had made the same
whisper to every one; 'but she really was ashamed; there was
almost a crowd, and she had quite intended that the house should
be nearly empty. The fact was, everybody asked had come, and as
she could not, of course, have counted on that, why, she had got,
you see, twice as many people as she had expected.' And then she
went on, and made the same speech to the next arrival.

Katie, who wanted to begin the play at the beginning, kept her
eye anxiously on Charley, who was still standing with Lactimel
Neverbend on his arm. 'Oh, now,' said she to herself, 'if he
should forget me and begin dancing with Miss Neverbend!' But then
she remembered how he had jumped into the water, and determined
that, even with such provocation as that, she must not be angry
with him.

But there was no danger of Charley's forgetting. 'Come,' said he,
'we must not lose any more time, if we mean to dance the first
set. Alaric will be our _vis-a-vis_--he is going to dance
with Miss Neverbend,' and so they stood up. Katie tightened her
gloves, gave her dress a little shake, looked at her shoes, and
then the work of the evening began.

'I shouldn't have liked to have sat down for the first dance,'
she said confidentially to Charley,' because it's my first ball.'

'Sit down! I don't suppose you'll be let to sit down the whole
evening. You'll be crying out for mercy about three or four
o'clock in the morning.'

'It's you to go on now,' said Katie, whose eyes were intent on
the figure, and who would not have gone wrong herself, or allowed
her partner to do so, on any consideration. And so the dance went
on right merrily.

'I've got to dance the first polka with Miss Golightly,' said
Charley.

'And the next with me,' said Katie.

'You may be sure I shan't forget that.'

'You lucky man to get Miss Golightly for a partner. I am told she
is the most beautiful dancer in the world.'

'O no--Mademoiselle.......is much better,' said Charley, naming
the principal stage performer of the day. 'If one is to go the
whole hog, one had better do it thoroughly.'

Katie did not quite understand then what he meant, and merely
replied that she would look at the performance. In this, however,
she was destined to be disappointed, for Charley had hardly left
her before Miss Golightly brought up to her the identical M.
Delabarbe de l'Empereur who had so terribly put her out in the
gardens. This was done so suddenly, that Katie's presence of mind
was quite insufficient to provide her with any means of escape.
The Frenchman bowed very low and said nothing. Katie made a
little curtsy, and was equally silent. Then she felt her own arm
gathered up and put within his, and she stood up to take her
share in the awful performance. She felt herself to be in such a
nervous fright that she would willingly have been home again at
Hampton if she could; but as this was utterly impossible, she had
only to bethink herself of her steps, and get through the work as
best she might.

Away went Charley and Clementina leading the throng; away went M.
Jaquetanape and Linda; away went another Frenchman, clasping in
his arms the happy Ugolina. Away went Lactimel with a young
Weights and Measures--and then came Katie's turn. She pressed
her lips together, shut her eyes, and felt the tall Frenchman's
arms behind her back, and made a start. 'Twas like plunging into
cold water on the first bathing day of the season--'_ce n'est
que le premier pas que coute._' When once off Katie did not
find it so bad. The Frenchman danced well, and Katie herself was
a wicked little adept. At home, at Surbiton, dancing with another
girl, she had with great triumph tired out the fingers both of
her mother and sister, and forced them to own that it was
impossible to put her down. M. de l'Empereur, therefore, had his
work before him, and he did it like a man--as long as he could.

Katie, who had not yet assumed the airs or will of a grown-up
young lady, thought that she was bound to go on as long as her
grand partner chose to go with her. He, on the other hand,
accustomed in his gallantry to obey all ladies' wishes,
considered himself bound to leave it to her to stop when she
pleased. And so they went on with apparently interminable
gyrations. Charley and the heiress had twice been in motion, and
had twice stopped, and still they were going on; Ugolina had
refreshed herself with many delicious observations, and Lactimel
had thrice paused to advocate dancing for the million, and still
they went on; the circle was gradually left to themselves, and
still they went on; people stood round, some admiring and others
pitying; and still they went on. Katie, thinking of her steps and
her business, did not perceive that she and her partner were
alone; and ever and anon, others of course joined in--and so they
went on--and on--and on.

M. Delabarbe de l'Empereur was a strong and active man, but he
began to perceive that the lady was too much for him. He was
already melting away with his exertions, while his partner was as
cool as a cucumber. She, with her active young legs, her lightly
filled veins, and small agile frame, could have gone on almost
for ever; but M. de l'Empereur was more encumbered. Gallantry was
at last beat by nature, his overtasked muscles would do no more
for him, and he was fain to stop, dropping his partner into a
chair, and throwing himself in a state of utter exhaustion
against the wall.

Katie was hardly out of breath as she received the
congratulations of her friends; but at the moment she could not
understand why they were quizzing her. In after times, however,
she was often reproached with having danced a Frenchman to death
in the evening, in revenge for his having bored her in the
morning. It was observed that M. Delabarbe de l'Empereur danced
no more that evening. Indeed, he very soon left the house.

Katie had not been able to see Miss Golightly's performance, but
it had been well worth seeing. She was certainly no ordinary
performer, and if she did not quite come up to the remarkable
movements which one sees on the stage under the name of dancing,
the fault was neither in her will nor her ability, but only in
her education. Charley also was peculiarly well suited to give
her 'ample verge and room enough' to show off all her perfections.
Her most peculiar merit consisted, perhaps, in her power of stopping
herself suddenly, while going on at the rate of a hunt one way, and
without any pause or apparent difficulty going just as fast the other
way. This was done by a jerk which must, one would be inclined to
think, have dislocated all her bones and entirely upset her internal
arrangements. But no; it was done without injury, or any disagreeable
result either to her brain or elsewhere. We all know how a steamer
is manoeuvred when she has to change her course, how we stop
her and ease her and back her; but Miss Golightly stopped and
eased and backed all at once, and that without collision with
any other craft. It was truly very wonderful, and Katie ought to
have looked at her.

Katie soon found occasion to cast off her fear that her evening's
happiness would be destroyed by a dearth of partners. Her
troubles began to be of an exactly opposite description. She had
almost envied Miss Golightly her little book full of engagements,
and now she found herself dreadfully bewildered by a book of her
own. Some one had given her a card and a pencil, and every moment
she could get to herself was taken up in endeavouring to guard
herself from perfidy on her own part. All down the card, at
intervals which were not very far apart, there were great C's,
which stood for Charley, and her firmest feeling was that no
earthly consideration should be allowed to interfere with those
landmarks. And then there were all manner of hieroglyphics--
sometimes, unfortunately, illegible to Katie herself--French
names and English names mixed together in a manner most
vexatious; and to make matters worse, she found that she had put
down both Victoire Jaquetanape and Mr. Johnson of the Weights, by
a great I, and she could not remember with whom she was bound to
dance the lancers, and to which she had promised the last polka
before supper. One thing, however, was quite fixed: when supper
should arrive she was to go downstairs with Charley.

'What dreadful news, Linda!' said Charley; 'did you hear it?'
Linda was standing up with Mr. Neverbend for a sober quadrille,
and Katie also was close by with her partner. 'Dreadful news
indeed!'

'What is it?' said Linda.

'A man can die but once, to be sure; but to be killed in such a
manner as that, is certainly very sad.'

'Killed! who has been killed?' said Neverbend.

'Well, perhaps I shouldn't say killed. He only died in the cab as
he went home.'

'Died in a cab! how dreadful!' said Neverbend. 'Who? who was it,
Mr. Tudor?'

'Didn't you hear? How very odd! Why M. de l'Empereur, to be sure.
I wonder what the coroner will bring it in.'

'How can you talk such nonsense, Charley?' said Linda.

'Very well, Master Charley,' said Katie. 'All that comes of being
a writer of romances. I suppose that's to be the next contribution
to the _Daily Delight_.'

Neverbend went off on his quadrille not at all pleased with the
joke. Indeed, he was never pleased with a joke, and in this
instance he ventured to suggest to his partner that the idea of a
gentleman expiring in a cab was much too horrid to be laughed at.

'Oh, we never mind Charley Tudor,' said Linda; 'he always goes on
in that way. We all like him so much.'

Mr. Neverbend, who, though not very young, still had a
susceptible heart within his bosom, had been much taken by
Linda's charms. He already began to entertain an idea that as a
Mrs. Neverbend would be a desirable adjunct to his establishment
at some future period, he could not do better than offer himself
and his worldly goods to the acceptance of Miss Woodward; he
therefore said nothing further in disparagement of the family
friend; but he resolved that no such alliance should ever induce
him to make Mr. Charles Tudor welcome at his house. But what
could he have expected? The Internal Navigation had ever been a
low place, and he was surprised that the Hon. Mrs. Val should
have admitted one of the navvies inside her drawing-room.

And so the ball went on. Mr. Johnson came duly for the lancers,
and M. Jaquetanape for the polka. Johnson was great at the
lancers, knowing every turn and vagary in that most intricate and
exclusive of dances; and it need hardly be said that the polka
with M. Jaquetanape was successful. The last honour, however, was
not without evil results, for it excited the envy of Ugolina,
who, proud of her own performance, had longed, but hitherto in
vain, to be whirled round the room by that wondrously expert
foreigner.

'Well, my dear,' said Ugolina, with an air that plainly said that
Katie was to be treated as a child, 'I hope you have had dancing
enough.'

'Oh, indeed I have not,' said Katie, fully appreciating the
purport and cause of her companion's remark; 'not near enough.'

'Ah--but, my dear--you should remember,' said Ugolina; 'your
mamma will be displeased if you fatigue yourself.'

'My mamma is never displeased because we amuse ourselves, and I
am not a bit fatigued;' and so saying Katie walked off, and took
refuge with her sister Gertrude. What business had any Ugolina
Neverbend to interfere between her and her mamma?

Then came the supper. There was a great rush to get downstairs,
but Charley was so clever that even this did not put him out. Of
course there was no sitting down; which means that the bashful,
retiring, and obedient guests were to stand on their legs; while
those who were forward, and impudent, and disobedient, found
seats for themselves wherever they could. Charley was certainly
among the latter class, and he did not rest therefore till he had
got Katie into an old arm-chair in one corner of the room, in
such a position as to enable himself to eat his own supper
leaning against the chimney-piece.

'I say, Johnson,' said he, 'do bring me some ham and chicken--
it's for a lady--I'm wedged up here and can't get out--and,
Johnson, some sherry.'

The good-natured young Weights obeyed, and brought the desired
provisions.

'And Johnson--upon my word I'm sorry to be so troublesome--but
one more plateful if you please--for another lady--a good deal,
if you please, for this lady, for she's very hungry; and some
more sherry.'

Johnson again obeyed--the Weights are always obedient--and
Charley of course appropriated the second portion to his own
purposes.

'Oh, Charley, that was a fib--now wasn't it? You shouldn't have
said it was for a lady.'

'But then I shouldn't have got it.'

'Oh, but that's no reason; according to that everybody might tell
a fib whenever they wanted anything.'

'Well, everybody does--everybody except you, Katie.'

'O no,' said Katie--'no they don't--mamma, and Linda, and
Gertrude never do; nor Harry Norman, he never does, nor Alaric.'

'No, Harry Norman never does,' said Charley, with something like
vexation in his tone. He made no exception to Katie's list of
truth-tellers, but he was thinking within himself whether Alaric
had a juster right to be in the catalogue than himself. 'Harry
Norman never does, certainly. You must not compare me with them,
Katie. They are patterns of excellence. I am all the other way,
as everybody knows.' He was half laughing as he spoke, but
Katie's sharp ear knew that he was more than half in earnest, and
she felt she had pained him by what she had said.

'Oh, Charley, I didn't mean that; indeed I did not. I know that
in all serious things you are as truthful as they are--and quite
as good--that is, in many ways.' Poor Katie! she wanted to
console him, she wanted to be kind, and yet she could not be
dishonest.

'Quite as good! no, you know I am not.'

'You are as good-hearted, if not better; and you will be as
steady, won't you, Charley? I am sure you will; and I know you
are more clever, really more clever than either of them.'

'Oh! Katie.'

'I am quite sure you are. I have always said so; don't be angry
with me for what I said.'

'Angry with you! I couldn't be angry with you.'

'I wouldn't, for the world, say anything to vex you. I like you
better than either of them, though Alaric is my brother-in-law.
Of course I do; how could I help it, when you saved my life?'

'Saved your life! Pooh! I didn't save your life. Any boy could
have done the same, or any waterman about the place. When you
fell in, the person who was nearest you pulled you out, that was
all.'

There was something almost approaching to ferocity in his voice
as he said this; and yet when Katie timidly looked up she saw
that he had turned his back to the room, and that his eyes were
full of tears. He had felt that he was loved by this child, but
that he was loved from a feeling of uncalled-for gratitude. He
could not stop to analyse this, to separate the sweet from the
bitter; but he knew that the latter prevailed. It is so little
flattering to be loved when such love is the offspring of
gratitude. And then when that gratitude is unnecessary, when it
has been given in mistake for supposed favours, the acceptance of
such love is little better than a cheat!

'That was not all,' said Katie, very decidedly. 'It never shall
be all in my mind. If you had not been with us I should now have
been drowned, and cold, and dead; and mamma! where would she have
been? Oh! Charley, I shall think myself so wicked if I have said
anything to vex you.'

Charley did not analyse his feelings, nor did Katie analyse hers.
It would have been impossible for her to do so. But could she
have done it, and had she done it, she would have found that her
gratitude was but the excuse which she made to herself for a
passionate love which she could not have excused, even to
herself, in any other way.

He said everything he could to reassure her and make her happy,
and she soon smiled and laughed again.

'Now, that's what my editor would call a Nemesis,' said Charley.

'Oh, that's a Nemesis, is it?'

'Johnson was cheated into doing my work, and getting me my
supper; and then you scolded me, and took away my appetite, so
that I couldn't eat it; that's a Nemesis. Johnson is avenged,
only, unluckily, he doesn't know it, and wickedness is punished.'

'Well, mind you put it into the _Daily Delight_. But all the
girls are going upstairs; pray let me get out,' and so Katie went
upstairs again.

It was then past one. About two hours afterwards, Gertrude,
looking for her sister that she might take her home, found her
seated on a bench, with her feet tucked under her dress. She was
very much fatigued, and she looked to be so; but there was still
a bright laughing sparkle in her eye, which showed that her
spirits were not even yet weary.

'Well, Katie, have you had enough dancing?'

'Nearly,' said Katie, yawning.

'You look as if you couldn't stand.'

'Yes, I am too tired to stand; but still I think I could dance a
little more, only--'

'Only what?'

'Whisper,' said Katie; and Gertrude put down her ear near to her
sister's lips. 'Both my shoes are quite worn out, and my toes are
all out on the floor.'

It was clearly time for them to go home, so away they all went.

CHAPTER XXVII

EXCELSIOR

The last words that Katie spoke as she walked down Mrs. Val's
hall, leaning on Charley's arm, as he led her to the carriage,
were these--

'You will be steady, Charley, won't you? you will try to be
steady, won't you, dear Charley?' and as she spoke she almost
imperceptibly squeezed the arm on which she was leaning. Charley
pressed her little hand as he parted from her, but he said
nothing. What could he say, in that moment of time, in answer to
such a request? Had he made the reply which would have come most
readily to his lips, it would have been this: 'It is too late,
Katie--too late for me to profit by a caution, even from you--no
steadiness now will save me.' Katie, however, wanted no other
answer than the warm pressure which she felt on her hand.

And then, leaning back in the carriage, and shutting her eyes,
she tried to think quietly over the events of the night. But it
was, alas! a dream, and yet so like reality that she could not
divest herself of the feeling that the ball was still going on.
She still seemed to see the lights and hear the music, to feel
herself whirled round the room, and to see others whirling,
whirling, whirling on every side of her. She thought over all the
names on her card, and the little contests that had taken place
for her hand, and all Charley's jokes, and M. de l'Empereur's
great disaster; and then as she remembered how long she had gone
on twisting round with the poor unfortunate ill-used Frenchman,
she involuntarily burst out into a fit of laughter.

'Good gracious, Katie, what is the matter? I thought you were
asleep,' said Gertrude.

'So did I,' said Linda. 'What on earth can you be laughing at
now?'

'I was laughing at myself,' said Katie, still going on with her
half-suppressed chuckle, 'and thinking what a fool I was to go on
dancing so long with that M. de l'Empereur. Oh dear, Gertrude, I
am so tired: shall we be home soon?' and then she burst out
crying.

The excitement and fatigue of the day had been too much for her,
and she was now completely overcome. Ugolina Neverbend's advice,
though not quite given in the kindest way, had in itself been
good. Mrs. Woodward would, in truth, have been unhappy could she
have seen her child at this moment. Katie made an attempt to
laugh off her tears, but she failed, and her sobs then became
hysterical, and she lay with her head on her married sister's
shoulder, almost choking herself in her attempts to repress them.

'Dear Katie, don't sob so,' said Linda--'don't cry, pray don't
cry, dear Katie.'

'She had better let it have its way,' said Gertrude; 'she will be
better directly, won't you, Katie?'

In a little time she was better, and then she burst out laughing
again. 'I wonder why the man went on when he was so tired. What a
stupid man he must be!'

Gertrude and Linda both laughed in order to comfort her and bring
her round.

'Do you know, I think it was because he didn't know how to say
'stop' in English;' and then she burst out laughing again, and
that led to another fit of hysterical tears.

When they reached home Gertrude and Linda soon got her into bed.
Linda was to sleep with her, and she also was not very long in
laying her head on her pillow. But before she did so Katie was
fast asleep, and twice in her sleep she cried out, 'Oh, Charley!
Oh, Charley!' Then Linda guessed how it was with her sister, and
in the depths of her loving heart she sorrowed for the coming
grief which she foresaw.

When the morning came Katie was feverish, and had a headache. It
was thought better that she should remain in town, and Alaric
took Linda down to Hampton. The next day Mrs. Woodward came up,
and as the invalid was better she took her home. But still she
was an invalid. The doctor declared that she had never quite
recovered from her fall into the river, and prescribed quiet and
cod-liver oil. All the truth about the Chiswick fete and the five
hours' dancing, and the worn-out shoes, was not told to him, or
he might, perhaps, have acquitted the water-gods of the injury.
Nor was it all, perhaps, told to Mrs. Woodward.

'I'm afraid she tired herself at the ball,' said Mrs. Woodward.

'I think she did a little,' said Linda.

'Did she dance much?' said Mrs. Woodward, looking anxiously.

'She did dance a good deal,' said Linda.

Mrs. Woodward was too wise to ask any further questions.

As it was a fine night Alaric had declared his intention of
walking home from Mrs. Val's party, and he and Charley started
together. They soon parted on their roads, but not before Alaric
had had time to notice Charley's perverse stupidity as to Miss
Golightly.

'So you wouldn't take my advice about Clementina?' said he.

'It was quite impossible, Alaric,' said Charley, in an apologetic
voice. 'I couldn't do it, and, what is more, I am sure I never
shall.'

'No, not now; you certainly can't do it now. If I am not very
much mistaken, the chance is gone. I think you'll find she
engaged herself to that Frenchman tonight.'

'Very likely,' said Charley.

'Well--I did the best I could for you. Good night, old fellow.'

'I'm sure I'm much obliged to you. Good night,' said Charley.

Alaric's suggestion with reference to the heiress was quite
correct: M. Jaquetanape had that night proposed, and been duly
accepted. He was to present himself to his loved one's honourable
mother on the following morning as her future son-in-law,
comforted and supported in his task of doing so by an assurance
from the lady that if her mother would not give her consent the
marriage should go on all the same without it. How delightful to
have such a dancer for her lover! thought Clementina. That was
her 'Excelsior.'

Charley walked home with a sad heart. He had that day given a
pledge that he would on the morrow go to the 'Cat and Whistle,'
and visit his lady-love. Since the night when he sat there with
Norah Geraghty on his knee, now nearly a fortnight since, he had
spent but little of his time there. He had, indeed, gone there
once or twice with his friend Scatterall, but had contrived to
avoid any confidential intercourse with either the landlady or
the barmaid, alleging, as an excuse for his extra-ordinary
absence, that his time was wholly occupied by the demands made on
it by the editor of the _Daily Delight_. Mrs. Davis, however,
was much too sharp, and so also we may say was Miss Geraghty,
to be deceived. They well knew that such a young man as
Charley would go wherever his inclination led him. Till lately it
had been all but impossible to get him out of the little back
parlour at the 'Cat and Whistle'; now it was nearly as difficult
to get him into it. They both understood what this meant.

'You'd better take up with Peppermint and have done with it,'
said the widow. 'What's the good of your shilly-shallying till
you're as thin as a whipping-post? If you don't mind what you're
after he'll be off too.'