The Three Clerks by Anthony Trollope

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Undy was one of those men who, though married and the fathers of
families, are always seen and known '_en garcon_'. No one
had a larger circle of acquaintance than Undy Scott; no one,
apparently, a smaller circle than Mrs. Undy Scott. So small,
indeed, was it, that its _locale_ was utterly unknown in the
fashionable world. At the time of which we are now speaking Undy
was the happy possessor of a bedroom in Waterloo Place, and
rejoiced in all the comforts of a first-rate club. But the sacred
spot, in which at few and happy intervals he received the
caresses of the wife of his bosom and the children of his loins,
is unknown to the author.

In age, Mr. Scott, at the time of the Tavistock mining inquiry,
was about thirty-five. Having sat in Parliament for five years,
he had now been out for four, and was anxiously looking for the
day when the universal scramble of a general election might give
him another chance. In person he was, as we have said, stalwart
and comely, hirsute with copious red locks, not only over his
head, but under his chin and round his mouth. He was well made,
six feet high, neither fat nor thin, and he looked like a
gentleman. He was careful in his dress, but not so as to betray
the care that he took; he was imperturbable in temper, though
restless in spirit; and the one strong passion of his life was
the desire of a good income at the cost of the public.

He had an easy way of getting intimate with young men when it
suited him, and as easy a way of dropping them afterwards
when that suited him. He had no idea of wasting his time or
opportunities in friendships. Not that he was indifferent as to
his companions, or did not appreciate the pleasure of living with
pleasant men; but that life was too short, and with him the race
too much up hill, to allow of his indulging in such luxuries. He
looked on friendship as one of those costly delights with which
none but the rich should presume to gratify themselves. He could
not afford to associate with his fellow-men on any other terms
than those of making capital of them. It was not for him to walk
and talk and eat and drink with a man because he liked him. How
could the eleventh son of a needy Scotch peer, who had to
maintain his rank and position by the force of his own wit, how
could such a one live, if he did not turn to some profit even the
convivialities of existence?

Acting in accordance with his fixed and conscientious rule in
this respect, Undy Scott had struck up an acquaintance with
Alaric Tudor. He saw that Alaric was no ordinary clerk, that Sir
Gregory was likely to have the Civil Service under his thumb, and
that Alaric was a great favourite with the great man. It would
but little have availed Undy to have striven to be intimate with
Sir Gregory himself. The Knight Commander of the Bath would have
been deaf to his blandishments; but it seemed probable that the
ears of Alaric might be tickled.

And thus Alaric and Undy Scott had become fast friends; that is,
as fast as such friends generally are. Alaric was no more blind
to his own interest than was his new ally. But there was this
difference between them; Undy lived altogether in the utilitarian
world which he had formed around himself, whereas Alaric lived in
two worlds. When with Undy his pursuits and motives were much
such as those of Undy himself; but at Surbiton Cottage, and with
Harry Norman, he was still susceptible of a higher feeling. He
had been very cool to poor Linda on his last visit to Hampton;
but it was not that his heart was too hard for love. He had begun
to discern that Gertrude would never attach herself to Norman;
and if Gertrude were free, why should she not be his?

Poor Linda!

Scott had early heard--and of what official event did he not
obtain early intelligence?--that Neverbend was to go down to
Tavistock about the Mary Jane tin mine, and that a smart
colleague was required for him. He would fain, for reasons of his
own, have been that smart colleague himself; but that he knew was
impossible. He and Neverbend were the Alpha and Omega of official
virtues and vices. But he took an opportunity of mentioning
before Sir Gregory, in a passing unpremeditated way, how
excellently adapted Tudor was for the work. It so turned out that
his effort was successful, and that Tudor was sent.

The whole of their first day at Tavistock was passed by Neverbend
and Alaric in hearing interminable statements from the various
mining combatants, and when at seven o'clock Alaric shut up for
the evening he was heartily sick of the job. The next morning
before breakfast he sauntered out to air himself in front of the
hotel, and who should come whistling up the street, with a cigar
in his mouth, but his new friend Undy Scott.

CHAPTER IX

MR. MANYLODES

Alaric Tudor was very much surprised. Had he seen Sir Gregory
himself, or Captain Cuttwater, walking up the street of
Tavistock, he could not have been more startled. It first
occurred to him that Scott must have been sent down as a third
Commissioner to assist at the investigation; and he would have
been right glad to have known that this was the case, for he
found that the management of Mr. Neverbend was no pastime. But he
soon learnt that such relief was not at hand for him.

'Well, Tudor, my boy,' said he, 'and how do you like the clotted
cream and the thick ankles of the stout Devonshire lasses?'

'I have neither tasted the one, nor seen the other,' said Alaric.
'As yet I have encountered nothing but the not very civil
tongues, and not very clear brains of Cornish roughs.'

'A Boeotian crew! but, nevertheless, they know on which side
their bread is buttered--and in general it goes hard with them
but they butter it on both sides. And how does the faithful
Neverbend conduct himself? Talk of Boeotians, if any man ever was
born in a foggy air, it must have been my friend Fidus.'

Alaric merely shrugged his shoulders, and laughed slightly. 'But
what on earth brings you down to Tavistock?' said he.

'Oh! I am a denizen of the place, naturalized, and all but
settled; have vast interests here, and a future constituency. Let
the Russells look well to themselves. The time is quickly coming
when you will address me in the House with bitter sarcasm as the
honourable but inconsistent member for Tavistock; egad, who knows
but you may have to say Right Honourable?'

'Oh! I did not know the wind blew in that quarter,' said Alaric,
not ill-pleased at the suggestion that he also, on some future
day, might have a seat among the faithful Commons.

'The wind blows from all quarters with me,' said Undy; 'but in
the meantime I am looking out for shares.'

'Will you come in and breakfast?' asked the other.

'What, with friend Fidus? no, thank'ee; I am not, by many
degrees, honest enough to suit his book. He would be down on some
little public peccadillo of mine before I had swallowed my first
egg. Besides, I would not for worlds break the pleasure of your
_tete-a-tete_.'

'Will you come down after dinner?'

'No; neither after dinner, nor before breakfast; not all the
coffee, nor all the claret of the Bedford shall tempt me.
Remember, my friend, you are paid for it; I am not.'

'Well, then, good morning,' said Alaric. 'I must go in and face
my fate, like a Briton.'

Undy went on for a few steps, and then returned, as though a
sudden thought had struck him. 'But, Tudor, I have bowels of
compassion within me, though no pluck. I am willing to rescue
you from your misery, though I will not partake it. Come up to
me this evening, and I will give you a glass of brandy-punch.
Your true miners never drink less generous tipple.'

'How on earth am I to shake off this incubus of the Woods and
Works?'

'Shake him off? Why, make him drunk and put him to bed; or tell
him at once that the natural iniquity of your disposition makes
it necessary that you should spend a few hours of the day in the
company of a sinner like myself. Tell him that his virtue is too
heavy for the digestive organs of your unpractised stomach. Tell
him what you will, but come. I myself am getting sick of those
mining Vandals, though I am so used to dealing with them.'

Alaric promised that he would come, and then went in to
breakfast. Undy also returned to his breakfast, well pleased with
this first success in the little scheme which at present occupied
his mind. The innocent young Commissioner little dreamt that the
Honourable Mr. Scott had come all the way to Tavistock on purpose
to ask him to drink brandy-punch at the Blue Dragon!

Another day went wearily and slowly on with Alaric and Mr.
Neverbend. Tedious, never-ending statements had to be taken down
in writing; the same things were repeated over and over again,
and were as often contradicted; men who might have said in five
words all that they had to say, would not be constrained to say
it in less than five thousand, and each one seemed to think, or
pretended to seem to think, that all the outer world and the
Government were leagued together to defraud the interest to which
he himself was specially attached. But this was not the worst of
it. There were points which were as clear as daylight; but Tudor
could not declare them to be so, as by doing so he was sure to
elicit a different opinion from Mr. Neverbend.

'I am not quite so clear on that point, Mr. Tudor,' he would say.

Alaric, till experience made him wise, would attempt to argue it.

'That is all very well, but I am not quite so sure of it. We will
reserve the point, if you please,' and so affairs went on darkly,
no ray of light being permitted to shine in on the matter in
dispute.

It was settled, however, before dinner, that they should both go
down the Wheal Mary Jane on the following day. Neverbend had done
what he could to keep this crowning honour of the inquiry
altogether in his own hands, but he had found that in this
respect Tudor was much too much for him.

Immediately after dinner Alaric announced that he was going to
spend the evening with a friend.

'A friend!' said Neverbend, somewhat startled; 'I did not know
that you had any friends in Tavistock.'

'Not a great many; but it so happened that I did meet a man I
know, this morning, and promised to go to him in the evening. I
hope you'll excuse my leaving you?'

'Oh! I don't mind for myself,' said Neverbend, 'though, when men
are together, it's as well for them to keep together. But, Mr.
Tudor----'

'Well?' said Alaric, who felt growing within him a determination
to put down at once anything like interference with his private
hours.

'Perhaps I ought not to mention it,' said Neverbend, 'but I do
hope you'll not get among mining people. Only think what our
position here is.'

'What on earth do you mean?' said Alaric. 'Do you think I shall
be bribed over by either side because I choose to drink a glass
of wine with a friend at another hotel?'

'Bribed! No, I don't think you'll be bribed; but I think we
should both keep ourselves absolutely free from all chance of
being talked to on the subject, except before each other and
before witnesses. I would not drink brandy-and-water at the Blue
Dragon, before this report be written, even if my brother were
there.'

'Well, Mr. Neverbend, I am not so much afraid of myself. But
wherever there are two men, there will be two opinions. So good
night, if it so chance that you are in bed before my return.'

So Tudor went out, and Neverbend prepared himself to sit up for
him. He would sooner have remained up all night than have gone to
bed before his colleague came back.

Three days Alaric Tudor had now passed with Mr. Neverbend, and
not only three days but three evenings also! A man may endure to
be bored in the course of business through the day, but it
becomes dreadful when the infliction is extended to post-prandial
hours. It does not often occur that one is doomed to bear the
same bore both by day and night; any change gives some ease; but
poor Alaric for three days had had no change. He felt like a
liberated convict as he stepped freely forth into the sweet
evening air, and made his way through the town to the opposition
inn.

Here he found Undy on the door-steps with a cigar in his mouth.
'Here I am, waiting for you,' said he. 'You are fagged to death,
I know, and we'll get a mouthful of fresh air before we go
upstairs,'--and so saying he put his arm through Alaric's, and
they strolled off through the suburbs of the town.

'You don't smoke,' said Undy, with his cigar-case in his hand.
'Well--I believe you are right--cigars cost a great deal of
money, and can't well do a man any real good. God Almighty could
never have intended us to make chimneys of our mouths and noses.
Does Fidus ever indulge in a weed?'

'He never indulges in anything,' said Alaric.

'Except honesty,' said the other, 'and in that he is a beastly
glutton. He gorges himself with it till all his faculties are
overpowered and his mind becomes torpid. It's twice worse than
drinking. I wonder whether he'll do a bit of speculation before
he goes back to town.'

'Who, Neverbend?--he never speculates!'

'Why not? Ah, my fine fellow, you don't know the world yet. Those
sort of men, dull drones like Neverbend, are just the fellows who
go the deepest. I'll be bound he will not return without a few
Mary Janes in his pocket-book. He'll be a fool if he does, I
know.'

'Why, that's the very mine we are down here about.'

'And that's the very reason why he'll purchase Mary Janes. He has
an opportunity of knowing their value. Oh, let Neverbend alone.
He is not so young as you are, my dear fellow.'

'Young or old, I think you mistake his character.'

'Why, Tudor, what would you think now if he not only bought for
himself, but was commissioned to buy by the very men who sent him
down here?'

'It would be hard to make me believe it.'

'Ah! faith is a beautiful thing; what a pity that it never
survives the thirtieth year;--except with women and fools.'

'And have you no faith, Scott?'

'Yes--much in myself--some little in Lord Palmerston, that is, in
his luck; and a good deal in a bank-note. But I have none at all
in Fidus Neverbend. What! have faith in a man merely because he
tells me to have it! His method of obtaining it is far too easy.'

'I trust neither his wit nor his judgement; but I don't believe
him to be a thief.'

'Thief! I said nothing of thieves. He may, for aught I know, be
just as good as the rest of the world; all I say is, that I
believe him to be no better. But come, we must go back to the
inn; there is an ally of mine coming to me; a perfect specimen of
a sharp Cornish mining stockjobber--as vulgar a fellow as you
ever met, and as shrewd. He won't stay very long, so you need not
be afraid of him.'

Alaric began to feel uneasy, and to think that there might by
possibility be something in what Neverbend had said to him. He
did not like the idea of meeting a Cornish stock-jobber in a
familiar way over his brandy-punch, while engaged, as he
now was, on the part of Government; he felt that there might be
impropriety in it, and he would have been glad to get off if he
could. But he felt ashamed to break his engagement, and thus
followed Undy into the hotel.

'Has Mr. Manylodes been here?' said Scott, as he walked upstairs.

'He's in the bar now, sir,' said the waiter.

'Beg him to come up, then. In the bar! why, that man must have a
bar within himself--the alcohol he consumes every day would be a
tidy sale for a small public-house.'

Up they went, and Mr. Manylodes was not long in following them.
He was a small man, more like an American in appearance than an
Englishman. He had on a common black hat, a black coat, black
waistcoat, and black trousers, thick boots, a coloured shirt, and
very dirty hands. Though every article he wore was good, and most
of them such as gentlemen wear, no man alive could have mistaken
him for a gentleman. No man, conversant with the species to which
he belonged, could have taken him for anything but what he was.
As he entered the room, a faint, sickly, second-hand smell of
alcohol pervaded the atmosphere.

'Well, Manylodes,' said Scott, 'I'm glad to see you again. This
is my friend, Mr. Tudor.'

'Your servant, sir,' said Manylodes, just touching his hat,
without moving it from his head. 'And how are you, Mr. Scott? I
am glad to see you again in these parts, sir.'

'And how's trade? Come, Tudor, what will you drink? Manylodes, I
know, takes brandy; their sherry is vile, and their claret worse;
maybe they may have a fairish glass of port. And how is trade,
Manylodes?'

'We're all as brisk as bees at present. I never knew things
sharper. If you've brought a little money with you, now's your
time. But I tell you this, you'll find it sharp work for the
eyesight.'

'Quick's the word, I suppose.'

'Lord love you! Quick! Why, a fellow must shave himself before he
goes to bed if he wants to be up in time these days.'

'I suppose so.'

'Lord love you! why there was old Sam Weazle; never caught
napping yet--why at Truro, last Monday, he bought up to 450 New
Friendships, and before he was a-bed they weren't worth, not this
bottle of brandy. Well, old Sam was just bit by those Cambourne
lads.'

'And how did that happen?'

'Why, the New Friendships certainly was very good while they
lasted; just for three months they was the thing certainly. Why,
it came up, sir, as if there weren't no end of it, and just as
clean as that half-crown--but I know'd there was an end coming.'

'Water, I suppose,' said Undy, sipping his toddy.

'Them clean takes, Mr. Scott, they never lasts. There was water,
but that weren't the worst. Old Weazle knew of that; he
calculated he'd back the metal agin the water, and so he bought
all up he could lay his finger on. But the stuff was run out.
Them Cambourne boys--what did they do? Why, they let the water in
on purpose. By Monday night old Weazle knew it all, and then you
may say it was as good as a play.'

'And how did you do in the matter?'

'Oh, I sold. I did very well--bought at L7 2s. 3d. and sold at L6
19s. 10 1/2d., and got my seven per cent, for the four months.
But, Lord love you, them clean takes never lasts. I worn't going
to hang on. Here's your health, Mr. Scott. Yours, Mr.---, I
didn't just catch the gen'leman's name;' and without waiting for
further information on the point, he finished his brandy-and-
water.

'So it's all up with the New Friendships, is it?' said Undy.

'Up and down, Mr. Scott; every dog has his day; these Mary Janes
will be going the same way some of them days. We're all mortal;'
and with this moral comparison between the uncertainty of human
life and the vicissitudes of the shares in which he trafficked,
Mr. Manylodes proceeded to put some more sugar and brandy into
his tumbler.

'True, true--we are all mortal--Manylodes and Mary Janes; old
friendships and New Friendships: while they last we must make the
most we can of them; buy them cheap and sell them dear; and above
all things get a good percentage,'

'That's the game, Mr. Scott; and I will say no man understands it
better than yourself--keep the ball a-running--that's your maxim.
Are you going it deep in Mary Jane, Mr. Scott?'

'Who? I! O no--she's a cut above me now, I fear. The shares are
worth any money now, I suppose.'

'Worth any money! I think they are, Mr. Scott, but I believe----'
and then bringing his chair close up to that of his aristocratic
friend, resting his hands, one on Mr. Scott's knee, and the other
on his elbow, and breathing brandy into his ear, he whispered to
him words of great significance.

'I'll leave you, Scott,' said Alaric, who did not enjoy the
society of Mr. Manylodes, and to whom the nature of the
conversation was, in his present position, extremely irksome; 'I
must be back at the Bedford early.'

'Early--why early? surely our honest friend can get himself to
bed without your interference. Come, you don't like the brandy
toddy, nor I either. We'll see what sort of a hand they are at
making a bowl of bishop.'

'Not for me, Scott.'

'Yes, for you, man; surely you are not tied to that fellow's
apron-strings,' he said, removing himself from the close
contiguity of Mr. Manylodes, and speaking under his voice; 'take
my advice; if you once let that man think you fear him, you'll
never get the better of him.'

Alaric allowed himself to be persuaded and stayed.

'I have just ten words of business to say to this fellow,'
continued Scott, 'and then we will be alone.'

It was a lovely autumn evening, early in September, and Alaric
sat himself at an open window, looking out from the back of the
hotel on to the Brentor, with its singular parish church, built
on its highest apex, while Undy held deep council with his friend
of the mines. But from time to time, some word of moment found
its way to Alaric's ears, and made him also unconsciously fix his
mind on the _irritamenta malorum_, which are dug from the
bowels of the earth in those western regions.

'Minting money, sir; it's just minting money. There's been no
chance like it in my days. L4 12s. 6d. paid up; and they'll be at
L25 in Truro before sun sets on Saturday, Lord love you, Mr.
Scott, now's your time. If, as I hear, they--' and then there was
a very low whisper, and Alaric, who could not keep his eye
altogether from Mr. Manylodes' countenance, saw plainly that that
worthy gentleman was talking of himself; and in spite of his
better instincts, a desire came over him to know more of what
they were discussing, and he could not keep from thinking that
shares bought at L4 12s. 6d., and realizing L25, must be very nice
property.

'Well, I'll manage it,' said Scott, still in a sort of whisper,
but audibly enough for Alaric to hear. 'Forty, you say? I'll take
them at L5 1s. 1d.--very well;' and he took out his pocket-book
and made a memorandum. 'Come, Tudor, here's the bishop. We have
done our business, so now we'll enjoy ourselves. What, Manylodes,
are you off?'

'Lord love you, Mr. Scott, I've a deal to do before I get to my
downy; and I don't like those doctored tipples. Good night, Mr.
Scott. I wishes you good night, sir;' and making another slight
reference to his hat, which had not been removed from his head
during the whole interview, Mr. Manylodes took himself off.

'There, now, is a specimen of a species of the _genus homo_,
class Englishman, which is, I believe, known nowhere but in
Cornwall.'

'Cornwall and Devonshire, I suppose,' said Alaric.

'No; he is out of his true element here. If you want to see him
in all the glory of his native county you should go west of
Truro. From Truro to Hayle is the land of the Manylodes. And a
singular species it is. But, Tudor, you'll be surprised, I
suppose, if I tell you that I have made a purchase for you.'

'A purchase for me!'

'Yes; I could not very well consult you before that fellow, and
yet as the chance came in my way, I did not like to lose it.
Come, the bishop ain't so bad, is it, though it is doctored
tipple?' and he refilled Alaric's glass.

'But what have you purchased for me, Scott?'

'Forty shares in the Mary Jane.'

'Then you may undo the bargain again, for I don't want them, and
shall not take them.'

'You need not be a bit uneasy, my dear fellow. I've bought them
at a little over L5, and they'll be saleable to-morrow at double
the money--or at any rate to-morrow week. But what's your
objection to them?'

'In the first place, I've got no money to buy shares.'

'That's just the reason why you should buy them; having no money,
you can't but want some; and here's your way to make it. You can
have no difficulty in raising L200.'

'And in the next place, I should not think of buying mining
shares, and more especially these, while I am engaged as I now
am.'

'Fal de ral, de ral, de ral! That's all very fine, Mr.
Commissioner; only you mistake your man; you think you are
talking to Mr. Neverbend.'

'Well, Scott, I shan't have them.'

'Just as you please, my dear fellow; there's no compulsion. Only
mark this; the ball is at your foot now, but it won't remain
there. 'There is a tide in the affairs of men'--you know the
rest; and you know also that 'tide and time wait for no man.' If
you are contented with your two or three hundred a year in the
Weights and Measures, God forbid that I should tempt you to
higher thoughts--only in that case I have mistaken my man.'

'I must be contented with it, if I can get nothing better,' said
Tudor, weakly.

'Exactly; you must be contented--or rather you must put up with
it--if you can get nothing better. That's the meaning of
contentment all the world over. You argue in a circle. You must
be a mere clerk if you cannot do better than other mere clerks.
But the fact of your having such an offer as that I now make you,
is proof that you can do better than others; proves, in fact,
that you need not be a mere clerk, unless you choose to remain
so.'

'Buying these shares might lose me all that I have got, and could
not do more than put a hundred pounds or so in my pocket.'

'Gammon--'

'Could I go back and tell Sir Gregory openly that I had bought
them?'