Lady of the Decoration by Frances Little
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8 THE LADY OF THE DECORATION
By
FRANCES LITTLE
TO ALL GOOD SISTERS, AND TO MINE IN PARTICULAR
The Lady of the Decoration
SAN FRANCISCO, July 30, 1901.
My dearest Mate:
Behold a soldier on the eve of battle! I am writing this in a stuffy
little hotel room and I don't dare stop whistling for a minute. You
could cover my courage with a postage stamp. In the morning I sail for
the Flowery Kingdom, and if the roses are waiting to strew my path it
is more than they have done here for the past few years. When the
train pulled out from home and I saw that crowd of loving, tearful
faces fading away, I believe that for a few moments I realized the
actual bitterness of death! I was leaving everything that was dear to
me on earth, and going out into the dark unknown, alone.
Of course it's for the best, the disagreeable always is. You are
responsible, my beloved cousin, and the consequences be on your
head. You thought my salvation lay in leaving Kentucky and seeking my
fortune in strange lands. Your tender sensibilities shrank from having
me exposed to the world as a young widow who is not sorry. So you
"shipped me some-wheres East of Suez" and tied me up with a four
years' contract.
But, honor bright, Mate, I don't believe in your heart you can blame
me for not being sorry! I stuck it out to the last,--faced neglect,
humiliations, and days and nights of anguish, almost losing my
self-respect in my effort to fulfil my duty. But when death suddenly
put an end to it all, God alone knows what a relief it was! And how
curiously it has all turned out! First my taking the Kindergarten
course just to please you, and to keep my mind off things that ought
not to have been. Then my sudden release from bondage, and the
dreadful manner of it, my awkward position, my dependence,--and in the
midst of it all this sudden offer to go to Japan and teach in a
Mission school!
Isn't it ridiculous, Mate? Was there ever anything so absurd as my lot
being cast with a band of missionaries? I, who have never missed a
Kentucky Derby since I was old enough to know a bay from a sorrel! I
guess old Sister Fate doesn't want me to be a one part star. For
eighteen years I played pure comedy, then tragedy for seven, and now I
am cast for a character part.
Nobody will ever know what it cost me to come! All of them were so
terribly opposed to it, but it seems to me that I have spent my entire
life going against the wishes of my family. Yet I would lay down my
life for any one of them. How they have stood by me and loved me
through all my blind blunders. I'd back my mistakes against anybody
else's in the world!
Then Mate there was Jack. You know how it has always been with
Jack. When I was a little girl, on up to the time I was married, after
that he never even looked it, but just stood by me and helped me like
a brick. If it hadn't been for you and for him I should have put an
end to myself long ago. But now that I am free, Jack has begun right
where he left off seven years ago. It is all worse than useless; I am
everlastingly through with love and sentiment. Of course we all know
that Jack is the salt of the earth, and it nearly kills me to give him
pain, but he will get over it, they always do, and I would rather for
him to convalesce without me than with me. I made him promise not to
write me a line, and he just looked at me in that quiet, quizzical way
and said: "All right, but you just remember that I'm waiting, until
you are ready to begin life over again with me."
Why it would be a death blow to all his hopes if he married me! My
widow's mite consists of a wrecked life, a few debts, and a worldly
notion that a brilliant young doctor like himself has no right to
throw away all his chances in order to establish a small hospital for
incurable children. Whenever I think of his giving up that
long-cherished dream of studying in Germany, and buying ground for the
hospital instead, I just gnash my teeth.
Oh! I know that you think it is grand and noble and that I am horrid
to feel as I do. Maybe I am. At any rate you will acknowledge that I
have done the right thing for once in coming away. I seem to have been
a general blot on the landscape, and with your help I have erased
myself. In the meanwhile, I wish to Heaven my heart would ossify!
The sole power that keeps me going now is your belief in me. You have
always claimed that I was worth something, in spite of the fact that I
have persistently proven that I was not. Don't you shudder at the
risk you are taking? Think of the responsibility of standing for me in
a Board of Missions! I'll stay bottled up as tight as I know how, but
suppose the cork _should_ fly?
Poor Mate, the Lord was unkind when he gave me to you for a cousin.
Well it's done, and by the time you get this I will probably be well
on my sea-sick way. I can't trust myself to send any messages to the
family. I don't even dare send my love to you. I am a soldier lady,
and I salute my officer.
ON SHIP-BOARD. August 8th, 1901.
It's so windy that I can scarcely hold the paper down but I'll make
the effort. The first night I came aboard, I had everything to
myself. There were eighty cabin passengers and I was the only lady on
deck. It was very rough but I stayed up as long as I could. The blue
devils were swarming so thick around me that I didn't want to fight
them in the close quarters of my state-room. But at last I had to go
below, and the night that followed was a terror. Such a storm raged as
I had never dreamed of, the ship rocked and groaned, and the water
dashed against the port-holes; my bag played tag with my shoes, and my
trunk ran around the room like a rat hunting for its hole. Overhead
the shouts of the captain could be heard above the answering shouts of
the sailors, and men and women hurried panic-stricken through the
passage.
Through it all I lay in the upper berth and recalled all the unhappy
nights of the past seven years; disappointment, heartache,
disillusionment, disgust; they followed each other in silent
review. Every tender memory and early sentiment that might have
lingered in my heart was ruthlessly murdered by some stronger memory
of pain. The storm without was nothing to the storm within, I felt
indifferent as to the fate of the vessel. If she floated or if she
sank, it was one and the same to me.
When morning came something had happened to me. I don't know what it
was, but my past somehow seemed to belong to someone else. I had taken
a last farewell of all the old burdens, and I was a new person in a
new world.
I put on my prettiest cap and my long coat and went up on deck. Oh, my
dear, if you could only have seen the sight that greeted me! It was
the limpest, sickest crowd I ever encountered! They were pea-green
with a dash of yellow, and a streak of black under their eyes, pale
around the lips and weak in their knees. There was only one other
woman besides myself who was not sick, and she was a missionary with
short hair, and a big nose. She was going around with some tracts
asking everybody if they were Christians. Just as I came up she
tackled a big, dejected looking foreigner who was huddled in a corner.
"Brother, are you a Christian?"
"No, no," he muttered impatiently. "I'm a Norwegian."
Now what that man needed was a cocktail, but it was not for me to
suggest it.
At table I am in a corner with three nice old gentlemen and one young
German. They are great on story-telling, and I've told all of mine,
most of yours and some I invented. One of the old gentlemen is a
missionary; when he found that I was distantly connected with the fold
he immediately called me "Dear Sister". If I were at home I should
call him "Dear Pa", but I am on my good behavior.
The eating is fairly good, only sometimes it is so hot with curry and
spice that it nearly takes my breath. My little Chinese waiter is
entirely too solicitous for my comfort. No amount of argument will
induce him to leave my plate until I have finished, after a few
mouthfuls he whisks it away and brings me another relay. After
pressing upon me dishes of every kind, he insists on my filling up all
crevices with nuts and raisins, and after I have eaten, and eaten, he
looks hurt, and says regretfully: "Missy sickee, no eatee."
There is one other person, who is just as solicitous. The little
German watches my every mouthful with round solemn eyes, and insists
upon serving everything to me. He looks bewildered when anyone tells a
funny story, and sometimes asks for an explanation. He has been
around the world twice, and is now going to China for three years for
the Society of Scientific Research. He seems to think I am the
greatest curio he has yet encountered in his travels.
The chief excitement of our trip so far has been the day in
Honolulu. I wanted to sing for joy when we sighted land. The trees and
grass never looked so beautiful as they did that morning in the
brilliant sunshine. It took us hours to land on account of the red
tape that had to be unwound, and then there was an extra delay of
which I was the innocent cause. The quarantine doctor was inspecting
the ship, and after I had watched him examine the emigrants, and had
gotten my feelings wrought up over the poor miserable little children
swarming below, I found a nice quiet nook on the shelter deck where I
snuggled down and amused myself watching the native boys swim. The
water on their bronze bodies made them shine in the sunlight, and they
played about like a shoal of young porpoises. I must have stayed there
an hour, for when I came down there was considerable stir on board. A
passenger was missing and we were being held while a search of the
ship was made. I was getting most excited when the purser, who is the
sternest and best looking man you ever saw, came up and pounced upon
me. "Have you been inspected?" he demanded, eyeing me from head to
foot. "Not any more than at present," I answered meekly. "Come with
me," he said.
I asked him if he was going to throw me overboard, but he was too full
of importance to smile. He handed me over to the doctor saying: "Here
is the young woman that caused the delay." Young woman, indeed! but I
was to be crushed yet further for the doctor looked over his glasses
and said: "Now how did we miss that?"
But on to Honolulu! I don't wonder people go wild over it. It is as if
all the artists in all the world had spilled their colors over one
spot, and Nature had sorted them out at her own sweet will. I kept
wondering if I had died and gone to Heaven! Marvelous palms, and
tropical plants, and all hanging in a softly dreaming silence that
went to my head like wine.
I started out to see the city, with two old ladies and a girl from
South Dakota, but Dear Pa and Little Germany joined the party. Oh!
Mate how I longed for yon! I wanted to tie all those frousy old freaks
up in a hard knot and pitch them into the sea! The girl from South
Dakota is a little better than the rest, but she wears a jersey!
There _are_ real tailor-made people on board, but I don't dare
associate with them. They play bridge most of the time and if I
hesitated near them I'd be lost. I'll play my part, never fear, but I
hereby swear that I will not dress it!
STILL ON BOARD. August 18th.
Dear Mate:
I am writing this in my berth with the curtains drawn. No I am not a
bit sea-sick, just popular. One of the old ladies is teaching me to
knit, the short-haired missionary reads aloud to me, the girl from
South Dakota keeps my feet covered up, and Dear Pa and Little Germany
assist me to eat.
The captain has had a big bathing tank rigged up for the ladies, and I
take a cold plunge every morning. It makes me think of our old days at
the cottage up at the Cape. Didn't we have a royal time that summer
and weren't we young and foolish? It was the last good time I had for
many a long day--but there, none of that!
Last night I had an adventure, at least it was next door to one. I was
sitting up on deck when Dear Pa came by and asked me to walk with him.
After several rounds we sat down on the pilot house steps. The moon
was as big as a wagon wheel and the whole sea flooded with silver,
while the flying fishes played hide and seek in the shadows. I forgot
all about Dear Pa and was doing a lot of thinking on my own account
when he leaned over and said:
"I hope you don't mind talking to me. I am very, very lonely." Now I
thought I recognized a grave symptom, and when he began to tell me
about his dear departed, I knew it was time to be going.
"You have passed through it," he said. "You can sympathize."
I crossed my fingers in the dark. "We are both seeking a life work in
a foreign field--" he began again, but just here the purser passed. He
almost stumbled over us in the dark and when he saw me and my elderly
friend, he actually smiled!
Don't you dare tell Jack about this, I should never hear the last of
it.
Can you realize that I am three whole weeks from home? I do, every
second of it. Sometimes when I stop to think what I am doing my heart
almost bursts! But then I am so used to the heartache that I might be
lonesome without it; who knows?
If I can only do what is expected of me, if I can only pick up the
pieces of this smashed-up life of mine and patch them into a decent
whole that you will not be ashamed of, then I will be content.
The first foreign word I have learned is "Alohaoe", I think it means
"my dearest love to you." Any how I send it laden with the tenderest
meaning. God bless and keep you all, and bring me back to you a wiser
and a gladder woman.
KOBE. August 18th, 1901.
Actually in Japan! I can scarcely believe it, even with all this
strange life going on about me. This morning a launch came out to the
steamer bringing Miss Lessing and Miss Dixon, the two missionaries in
whose school I am to work. When I saw them, I must confess that my
heart went down in my boots! Theirs must have done the same thing, for
we stood looking at each other as awkwardly as if we belonged to
different planets. The difference began with our heels and extended
right on up to the crown of our hats. Even the language we spoke
seemed different, and when I faced the prospect of living with such
utter strangers, I wanted to jump overboard!
My fellow passengers suddenly became very dear, I clung to everything
about that old steamer as the last link that bound me to America.
As we came down the gang plank, I was introduced to "Brother Mason"
and "Brother White", and we all came ashore together. I felt for all
the world like a convict sentenced to four years in the
penitentiary. When we reached the Hotel, I fled to my room and flung
myself on the bed. I knew I might as well have it out. I cried for two
hours and thirty-five minutes, then I got up and washed my face and
looked out of the window.
It was all so strange and picturesque that I got interested before I
knew it. By and by Miss Lessing came in. Now that her hat was off I
saw that she had a very sweet face with pretty dark hair and a funny
little twinkle behind her eyes that made me think of you. She told me
how she had come out to Japan when she was a young girl, and how she
had built up the school, and all she longed to do for it. Then she
said, "Your coming seems like the direct answer to prayer. It has been
one of my dearest dreams to have a Kindergarten for the little ones,
it just seems too good to be true!" And she looked at me out of her
nice shining eyes with such gratitude and enthusiasm that I was
ashamed of what I had felt.
After that Miss Dixon came up and they sat and watched me unpack my
trunk. It took me about two minutes to find out that they were just
like other women, fond of finery and pretty things and eager for news
of the outside world. They examined all the dainty under clothes that
sister had made for me, they marvelled over the high heeled slippers,
and laughed at the big sleeves.
"Where are you going to wear all these lovely things?" asked Miss
Dixon. And again my heart sank, for even my simple wardrobe, planned
for the exigencies of school life, seemed strangely extravagant and
out of place.
But I want to say right now, Mate, that if I stay here a thousand
years I'll never come to jerseys and eight-year-old hats! I am going
to subscribe to a good fashion paper, and at least keep within hailing
distance of the styles.
It is too warm to go down to the school yet so we are to spend a week
in the mountains before we start in for the fall term.
Dear Pa and Little Germany have been here twice in three hours but I
saw them first.
Home letters will not arrive until next week, and I can scarcely wait
for the time to come. I keep thinking that I am away on a visit and
that I will be going back soon. I find myself saving things to show
you, and even starting to buy things to bring home. I have a good deal
to learn, haven't I?
HIEISAN. August 28th, 1901
Fairy-land, real true fairy-land that we used to talk about up in the
old cherry-tree at grandmother's! It's all so, Mate, only more
bewitching than we ever dreamed.
I have been in little villages that dropped right out of a picture
book. The streets are full of queer, small people who run about
smiling, and bowing and saying pretty things to each other. It is a
land where everybody seems to be happy, and where politeness is the
first commandment.
Yesterday we came up the mountains in jinrikishas. The road was
narrow, but smooth, and for over three hours the men trotted along,
never halting or changing their gait until we stopped for lunch.
There is not much to a Japanese house but a roof and a lot of bamboo
poles, but everything is beautifully clean. Before we had gotten down,
several men and women came running out and bowing and calling "Ohayo,
Ohayo" which means "good-morning." They ran for cushions and we were
glad enough to sit on the low benches and stretch ourselves. Then they
brought us delicious tea, and gathered around to see us drink it. It
seems that light hair is a great curiosity over here, and mine proved
so interesting that they motioned for me to take off my hat, and then
they stood around chattering and laughing at a great rate. Miss
Lessing said they wanted me to take my hair down, but would not ask it
because of the beautiful arrangement. Shades of Blondes! I wish you
could have seen it! But you _have_ seen it after a hard set of
tennis.
When we had rested an hour, and drunk tea, and bowed and smiled, we
started out again, this time in a kind of Sedan chair, made of bamboo
and carried on a long pole on the shoulders of two men. Now I have
been up steep places but that trip beat anything I ever saw! I felt
like a fly on a bald man's head! We climbed up, up, up, sometimes
through woods that were so dense you could scarcely know it was
day-time, and again through stretches of dazzling sunshine.
Just as I was beginning to wonder what had become of our luggage, we
passed four women laughing and singing. Two of them had steamer
trunks on their heads, and two carried huge kori. They did not seem to
mind it in the least, and bowed and smiled us out of sight.
Another two hours' climb brought us to this village of camps called
Hieisan. There are about forty Americans here, who are camping out
for the summer, and I am the guest of a Dr. Waring and his wife from
Alabama.
My tent is high above everything, on a great overhanging rock, and
before me is a view that would be a fit setting for Paradise. This
mountain is sacred to Buddha, and the whole of it is thick with
temples and shrines, some of them nobody knows how old.
I have been trying to muster courage to get up at three o'clock in the
morning to see the monkeys come out for breakfast. The mountains are
full of them, but they are only to be seen at that hour.
There are some very pleasant people here, and I have made a number of
friends. I am something of a conundrum, and curiosity is rife as to
_why_ I came. Mrs. Waring dresses me up and shows me off like a
new doll, and the women consult me about making over their clothes.
I don't know why I am not perfectly miserable. The truth is, Mate, I
am having a good time! It's nice to be petted and treated like a
child. It is good to be among plain, honest people, that live out
doors, and have healthy bodies and minds.
I want to forget all that I learned about the world in the past seven
years. I want to begin life again as a girl with a few illusions,
even if they are borrowed ones. I know too much for my years and I'm
determined to forget.
The home letters were heavenly. I've read them limber. I'll answer
the rest to-morrow.
HIROSHIMA. Sept. 2nd, 1901.
At last after my wanderings I am settled for the winter. The school is
a big structure, open and airy, and I have a nice room facing the east
where you dear ones are. On two sides tower the mountains, and between
them lies the magical Inland Sea. This is a great naval and military
station, and while I write I can hear the bugle calls from the parade
grounds.
I have a pretty little maid to wait on me and I wish you could see us
talking to each other. She comes in, bows until her head touches the
floor and hopes that my honorable ears and eyes and teeth are well. I
tell her in plain English that I am feeling bully, then we both
laugh. She is delighted with all my things, and touches them softly
saying over and over: "It's mine to care for!"
There are between four and five hundred girls in the school and, until
I get more familiar with the language, I am to work with the older
girls who understand some English. You would smile to see their
curiosity concerning me. They think my waist is very funny and they
measure it with their hands and laugh aloud. One girl asked me in all
seriousness why I had had pieces cut out of my sides, and another
wanted to know if my hair used to be black. You see in all this big
city I am the only person with golden tresses, and a green carnation
would not excite more comment.
Yesterday we went shopping to get some curtains for my room. Such a
crowd followed us that we could scarcely see what we were doing. When
we went into the stores we sat on the floor and a little boy fanned us
all the time we were making our selection.
Monday, Miss Lessing asked me to begin a physical culture class with
the larger girls who are being trained for teachers, so I decided that
the first lesson would be on _skipping_. It is an unknown art in
Japan and the lack of it makes the Kindergarten work very awkward.
I took fourteen girls out on the porch and told them by signs and
gestures to follow me. Then I picked up my skirts, and whistling a
coon-song, started off. You never saw anything to equal their look of
absolute astonishment! They even got down on their hands and knees to
watch my feet. But they were game, and in spite of their tight kimonos
and sandalled feet they made a brave effort to follow. The first
attempt was disastrous, some fell on their faces, some went down on
their knees, and all stumbled. I didn't dare laugh for the Japanese
can stand anything better than ridicule. I helped and encouraged and
cheered them on to victory. The next day there was a slight
improvement, and by the third day they were experts. I found that they
had spent the whole afternoon in practice! Now what do you suppose the
result is? An epidemic of skipping has swept over Hiroshima like the
measles! Men women and children are trying to learn, and when we go
out to walk I almost have convulsions at the elderly couples we pass
earnestly trying to catch the step!
I was so encouraged by this success that I taught the girls all sorts
of steps and figures, even going so far as to teach them the
_quadrille_! But my ambition led me a little too far. One day I
came to class with a brand new step, which I had invented myself. It
_was_ rather giddy, but a splendid exercise. Well I headed the
line and after the girls had followed me around the room twice I saw
that they were convulsed with laughter! When I asked what was the
matter, they explained between gasps that the step was the principal
movement in the heathen dance given during festivals to the God of
Beauty! My saints! Wouldn't some of my dear brethren do a turn if
they knew!
Every afternoon I take about forty of the girls out for a walk. Our
favorite stroll is along the moat that surrounds the old castle. It is
almost always spilling over with lotus blossoms. The maidens,
trotting demurely along in their rain-bow kimonos and little clicking
sandals make a pretty picture. We have to pass the parade grounds of
the barracks where 20,000 soldiers are stationed, and I do wish you
could see them trying to be modest, and yet peeping out of the corners
of their little almond eyes in a way which is not peculiar to any
particular country.
And the way they imitate me makes me afraid to breathe naturally. This
thing of being a shining example is more than I bargained for. It is
one of the few things in my checkered career that I have hitherto
escaped.
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