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Elder Conklin and Other Stories by Frank Harris

F >> Frank Harris >> Elder Conklin and Other Stories

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"She's so pretty and young. Jes' like a flower wants sunshine, she wants
pleasure, and when she don't git it, she feels bad. She's so young and
soft. Now she wants a pile of money and a pianner, and I couldn't git it
fer her no other way. I had to cheat.

"O Lord, ef I could kneel down hyar and say I repented with godly
repentance fer sin and determination never to sin agen, I'd do it, and
ask you to pardon me for Jesus' sake, but I kain't repent--I jes'
kain't! You see my heart, O God! and you know I'll go on cheatin' ef
that'll get Loo what she wants. An' so I've come down hyar to say that
Loo ain't with me in the cheatin'; it's all my sin. I know you punish
sin. The stiff-necked sinner ought to be punished. Wall; I'll take the
punishment. Put it right on to me--that's justice. But, O Lord! leave
Loo out; she don't know nothin' about it. That's why I've come down hyar
into the water to show I'm willin' to bear what you send. Amen, O Lord
God! In Jesus' name, Amen."

And he rose quietly, came out of the creek, wiped his dripping limbs
with his hand as well as he could, let down his night-shirt, and
prepared to climb the bank. Needless to say, Bancroft had slipped
through the stables and reached the house before the Elder could get
within sight of him.

When alone in his room the schoolmaster grew a little ashamed of
himself. There could be no doubt of the Elder's sincerity, and he had
insulted him. The Elder had sacrificed his principles; had done violence
to the habits of his life, and shame to his faith and practice--all in
order that his daughter might have her "pianner." The grotesque
pronunciation of the word appeared pathetic to Bancroft now; it brought
moisture into his eyes. What a fine old fellow Conklin was! Of course he
wished to bear the whole burden of his sin and its punishment. It would
be easy to go to him on the morrow and beg his pardon. Wrong done as the
Elder did it, he felt, was more than right. What a Christian at heart!
And what a man!

But the girl who asked for such a sacrifice--what was she? All the
jealousy, all the humiliation he had suffered on her account, came back
to him; she would have her father steal provided she got her piano. How
vain she was and self-willed; without any fine moral feeling or proper
principle! He would be worse than a fool to give his life to such a
woman. If she could drive her father--and such a father--to theft, in
what wrongdoing might she not involve her husband? He was warned in
time; he would not be guilty of such irreparable folly. He would match
her selfishness with prudence. Who could blame him? That was what the
hard glitter in her eyes betokened--cold selfishness; and he had thought
of her as Hebe--a Hebe who would give poisoned wine to those who loved
her. He was well saved from that.

The old Greek word called her up before him, and the spell of her
physical charm stole over his astonished senses like perfumed summer
air. Sitting beside her that evening, his arm round her waist, he had
felt the soft, full curves of her form, and thinking of it his pulses
throbbed. How fair her face was! That appealing air made her
irresistible; and even when she was angry, how splendidly handsome! What
a pity she should be hard and vulgar! He felt estranged from her, yet
still cherished the bitterness of disappointment. She was detestably
vain, common and selfish; he would be on his guard.

* * * * *

Next day at breakfast Mr. Morris came in. He was an ordinary young
Western farmer, rough but kindly, ill-educated but sensible. When his
appetite was satisfied he wanted to know whether they had heard the
news.

"No," Mrs. Conklin replied eagerly, "we've heard nothing unless p'r'aps
the Elder in Eureka"--but her husband shook his head, and Morris went
on:

"Folks say the Government in Washington has sent General Custer out with
troops to pertect the Indian Territory. Away East they think the
settlers have been stealing the Reserve, an' the soldiers are coming
with surveyors to draw the line again."

After a pause, "That seems right," said the Elder; "thar' ain't nothin'
agen that."

"But you've ploughed and raised crops on the Indian land across the
crik," objected Morris; "we all hev. Air we to give it up?"

There was no answer.

"Anyway," Morris continued, "Custer's at Wichita now. He'll be here in a
day or two, an' we've called a meetin' in the school-house for this
evenin' an' we hope you'll be on hand. 'Tain't likely we're goin' to
stand by an' see our crops destroyed. We must hold together, and all'll
come right."

"That's true," said the Elder, thinking aloud, "and good. Ef we all held
together there'd not be much wrong done."

"Then I kin tell the boys," resumed Morris, rising, "that you'll be with
us, Elder. All us young uns hold by you, an' what you say, we'll do,
every time."

"Wall," replied the Elder slowly, "I don't know. I kain't see my way to
goin'. I've always done fer myself by myself, and I mean to--right
through; but the meetin' seems a good idee. I'm not contradictin' that.
It seems strong. I don't go much though on meetin's; they hain't ever
helped me. But a meetin' seems strong--for them that likes it."

With this assurance Morris was fain to be satisfied and go his way.

Bancroft had listened to the colloquy with new feelings. Prepared to
regard with admiration all that the Elder said or did, it was not
difficult for him now to catch the deeper meaning of the uncouth words.
He was drawn to the Elder by moral sympathy, and his early training
tended to strengthen this attraction. It was right, he felt, that the
Elder should take his own course, fearing nothing that man could do.

In the evening he met Loo. She supposed with a careless air that he was
goin' to pack them leather trunks of his.

"No, I've reconsidered it," he answered. "I'm going to beg your father's
pardon, and take back all I said to him."

"Oh! then you do care for me, George," cried the girl enthusiastically,
"an' we ken be happy again. I've been real miserable since last night; I
cried myself to sleep, so I did. Now I know you love me I'll do anythin'
you wish, anythin'. I'll learn to play the pianner; you see if I don't."

"Perhaps," he replied harshly, the old anger growing bitter in him at
the mention of the "pianner"--"perhaps it would be better if you gave up
the idea of the piano; that _costs_ too much," he added
significantly, "far too much. If you'd read good books and try to live
in the thought of the time, it would be better. Wisdom is to be won
cheaply and by all, but success in an art depends upon innate
qualities."

"I see," she exclaimed, flaming up, "you think I can't learn to play
like your sister, and I'm very ignorant, and had better read and get to
know all other people have said, and you call that wisdom. I don't.
Memory ain't sense, I guess; and to talk like you ain't everythin'."

The attack pricked his vanity. He controlled himself, however, and took
up the argument: "Memory is not sense, perhaps; but still one ought to
know the best that has been said and done in the world. It is easier to
climb the ladder when others have shown us the rungs. And surely to talk
correctly is better than to talk incorrectly."

"It don't matter much, I reckon, so long as one gets your meanin', and
as for the ladder, a monkey could do that."

The irrelevant retort puzzled him, and her tone increased his annoyance.
But why, he asked himself, should he trouble to lift her to a higher
level of thought? He relapsed into silence.

With wounded heart the girl waited; she was hurt, afraid he did not care
for her, could not even guess how she had offended him; but, as he would
not speak, her pride came to her aid, and she remarked:

"I'm asked out this evenin', so I'll have to get ready and go. Good
night, George Bancroft."

"Good night, Miss Loo," he replied calmly, though the pain he suffered
proved that jealousy may outlive love. "I think I shall go to this
meeting at the school-house."

They parted. Loo went upstairs to her room to cry over her misery and
George's coldness; to wish she had been better taught, and had learned
her lessons in school carefully, for then he might have been kinder. She
wondered how she should get books to read. It was difficult. Besides,
couldn't he see that she was quick and would learn everythin' afterwards
if he'd be good to her. Why did he act so? Why!

Bancroft went to the meeting, and found the house crowded. A young
farmer from the next county was present, who told how a United States
officer with twelve men and a surveyor had come and drawn the boundary
line, torn up his fences, and trampled down the corn which he had
planted in the Indian Reserve. The meeting at once adopted the following
resolution:

"In view of the fact that the land cultivated by American citizens in or
upon the Indian Reserve has never been used or cultivated by the
Indians, who keep to the woods, and that it is God's will that land
should bring forth fruit for the sustenance of man, we are resolved to
stand upon our rights as citizens and to defend the same against all
aggressors."

Every one signed this document, copies of which were to be sent to
General Custer, and also to the President, to the Senate, and to
Congress. It was arranged further to write to their own representatives
at Washington giving an account of the situation.

After this the meeting broke up, but not before all present had agreed
to stand by any of their number who should resist the troops.

When Bancroft returned home Mr. and Mrs. Conklin were still up, and he
related to them all that had taken place. The Elder rose and stretched
himself without having made a remark. In a whisper Bancroft asked Mrs.
Conklin to let him have a word with her husband. As soon as they were
alone, he began:

"Mr. Conklin, I insulted you yesterday. I am sorry for it. I hope you'll
forgive me."

"Yes," replied the Elder meditatively, overlooking the proffered hand,
"yes, that's Christian, I reckon. But the truth's the truth." Turning
abruptly to leave the room, he added: "The corn's ripe, waitin' to be
cut; ef the United States troops don't eat it all up we'll have a good
year." There was a light in his steady eyes which startled the
schoolmaster into all sorts of conjectures.

A day or two later, the Conklins and Bancroft were seated at dinner when
a knock came at the door. "Come in!" said Mrs. Conklin, and a young
officer appeared in the uniform of the United States cavalry. He paused
on the threshold, lifted his cap, and apologized for his intrusion:

"Elder Conklin, I believe?" The Elder nodded his head, but continued
eating. "My business isn't pleasant, I fear, but it needn't take long.
I'm sent by General Custer to draw the boundary line between the State
of Kansas and the Indian Reserve, to break down all fences erected by
citizens of the United States in the Territory, and to destroy such
crops as they may have planted there. I regret to say our surveyor tells
me the boundary line here is Cottonwood Creek, and I must notify you
that tomorrow about noon I shall be here to carry out my orders, and to
destroy the crops and fences found on the further side of the creek."

Before withdrawing he begged pardon again, this time for the short
notice he was compelled to give--a concession apparently to Miss
Conklin's appearance and encouraging smiles.

"Oh, pappa!" cried Loo, as he disappeared, "why didn't you ask him to
have some dinner? He jest looked splendid, and that uniform's too
lovely."

The Elder made no answer. Neither the courteous menace of the lieutenant
nor his daughter's reproach seemed to have had any effect upon him. He
went on with his dinner.

Loo's outspoken admiration of the officer did not move Bancroft as she
had anticipated. It simply confirmed his worst suspicions. His nature
was neither deep nor passionate; he had always lived in the conventions
which the girl constantly outraged, and they now exercised their
influence. Moreover, he had self-possession enough to see that she meant
to annoy him. He was exceedingly anxious to know what the Elder intended
to do, and what Loo might think or feel did not interest him greatly.

A few hours later a clue was given to him: Jake came and told him as a
piece of news that "Pa's shot-gun ain't in his room." Bancroft could not
rid himself of the thought that the fact was significant. But the
evening passed away quietly; Loo busied herself with some work, and the
Elder seemed content to watch her.

At breakfast next morning nothing of moment happened. Bancroft took
occasion to say that he was coming home early to dinner. On his return
from school, some three hours after, he saw a troop of horsemen riding
up the valley a mile or so away. With quickened pulses he sprang up the
steps and met the Elder in the doorway.

"There they come!" he said involuntarily, pointing to the little cloud
of dust.

"Hum," grunted the Elder, and left the stoop, going towards the
outhouses.

Bancroft turned into the parlour, where he found Mrs. Conklin. She
seemed to be irritated, and not at all anxious, as he had expected:

"Did you see the Elder?"

"Yes," he replied. "He went to the barn. I thought of accompanying him,
but was afraid he wouldn't like it."

"I guess he's worrying about that corn," Mrs. Conklin explained. "When
he broke that land I told him 'twould bring trouble, but he never minds
what any one says to him. He should listen to his wife, though,
sometimes, shouldn't he? But bein' a man p'r'aps you'll take his part.
Anyway, it has all happened as I knew it would. And what'll he do now?
that's what I'd like to know. All that corn lost and the fences--he jest
worked himself to death on those logs--all lost now. We shall be bare
poor again. It's too bad. I've never had any money since I left home."
And here Mrs. Conklin's face puckered itself up as if she were about to
cry, but the impulse of vanity being stronger, she burst out angrily: "I
think it's real wicked of the Elder. I told him so. If he'd ask that
young man to let him cut the corn, I'm sure he wouldn't refuse. But
he'll never take my advice, or even answer me. It's too aggravatin' when
I know I'm right."

He looked at her in astonishment. She had evidently no inkling of what
might occur, no vivid understanding of her husband's character.
Preferring to leave her in ignorance, he said lightly, "I hope it'll be
all right," and, in order to change the subject, added, "I've not seen
Miss Loo, and Jake wasn't in school this morning."

"Oh, Mr. Bancroft, if anythin' has happened to Jake!" and Mrs. Conklin
sank weakly into the nearest chair; "but thar ain't no swimmin' nor
skatin' now. When he comes in I'll frighten him; I'll threaten to tell
the Elder. He mustn't miss his schoolin', for he's real bright, ain't
he?--Loo? Her father sent her to the Morrises, about somethin'--I don't
know what."

When Bancroft came downstairs, taking with him a small revolver, his
only weapon, he could not find the Elder either in the outbuildings or
in the stable. Remembering, however, that the soldiers could only get to
the threatened cornfield by crossing the bridge, which lay a few hundred
yards higher up the creek, he made his way thither with all speed. When
he reached the descent, he saw the Elder in the inevitable, long,
whitey-brown holland coat, walking over the bridge. In a minute or two
he had overtaken him. As the Elder did not speak, he began:

"I thought I'd come with you, Elder. I don't know that I'm much good,
but I sympathize with you, and I'd like to help you if I could."

"Yes," replied the Elder, acknowledging thereby the proffered aid. "But
I guess you kain't. I guess not," he repeated by way of emphasis.

In silence the pair went on to the broad field of maize. At the corner
of the fence, the Elder stopped and said, as if speaking to himself:

"It runs, I reckon, seventy-five bushel to the acre, and there are two
hundred acres." After a lengthened pause he continued: "That makes nigh
on three thousand dollars. I must hev spent two hundred dollars this
year in hired labour on that ground, and the half ain't cut yet. Thar's
a pile of money and work on that quarter-section."

A few minutes more passed in silence. Bancroft did not know what to say,
for the calm seriousness of the Elder repelled sympathy. As he looked
about him there showed on the rise across the creek a knot of United
States cavalry, the young lieutenant riding in front with a civilian,
probably the surveyor, by his side. Bancroft turned and found that the
Elder had disappeared in the corn. He followed quickly, but as he swung
himself on to the fence the Elder came from behind a stook with a
burnished shot-gun in his right hand, and said decisively:

"Don't come in hyar. 'Tain't your corn and you've no cause to mix
yourself in this fuss."

Bancroft obeyed involuntarily. The next moment he began to resent the
authority conveyed in the prohibition; he ought to have protested, to
have insisted--but now it was too late. As the soldiers rode up the
lieutenant dismounted and threw his reins to a trooper. He stepped
towards the fence, and touching his cap carelessly, remarked:

"Well, Mr. Conklin, here we are." The earnestness of the Elder appeared
to have its effect, too, upon him, for he went on more respectfully: "I
regret that I've orders to pull down your fences and destroy the crop.
But there's nothing else to be done."

"Yes," said the Elder gravely, "I guess you know your orders. But you
mustn't pull down my fence," and as he spoke he drew his shot-gun in
front of him, and rested his hands upon the muzzle, "nor destroy this
crop." And the long upper lip came down over the lower, giving an
expression of obstinate resolve to the hard, tanned face.

"You don't seem to understand," replied the lieutenant a little
impatiently; "this land belongs to the Indians; it has been secured to
them by the United States Government, and you've no business either to
fence it in or plant it."

"That's all right," answered Conklin, in the same steady, quiet,
reasonable tone. "That may all be jes' so, but them Indians warn't usin'
the land; they did no good with it. I broke this prairie ten years ago,
and it took eight hosses to do it, and I've sowed it ever sence till the
crops hev grown good, and now you come and tell me you're goin' to
tromple down the corn and pull up the fences. No sir, you ain't--that
ain't right."

"Right or wrong," the officer retorted, "I have to carry out my orders,
not reason about them. Here, sergeant, let three men hold the horses and
get to work on this fence."

As the sergeant advanced and put his hand on the top layer of the heavy
snake-fence, the Elder levelled his shot-gun and said:

"Ef you pull down that bar I'll shoot."

The sergeant took his hand from the bar quickly, and turned to his
commander as if awaiting further instructions.

"Mr. Conklin," exclaimed the lieutenant, moving forward, "this is pure
foolishness; we're twelve to one, and we're only soldiers and have to
obey orders. I'm sorry, but I must do my duty."

"That's so," said the Elder, lowering his gun deliberately. "That's so,
I guess. You hev your duty--p'r'aps I hev mine. 'Tain't my business to
teach you yours."

For a moment the lieutenant seemed to be undecided; then he spoke:

"Half-a-dozen of you advance and cover him with your rifles. Now, Mr.
Conklin, if you resist you must take the consequences. Rebellion against
the United States Government don't generally turn out well--for the
rebel. Sergeant, down with the bar."

The Elder stood as if he had not heard what had been said to him, but
when the sergeant laid hold of the bar, the shot-gun went up again to
the old man's shoulder, and he said:

"Ef you throw down that bar I'll shoot _you_." Again the sergeant
paused, and looked at his officer.

At this juncture Bancroft could not help interfering. The Elder's
attitude had excited in him more than mere admiration; wonder, reverence
thrilled him, and his blood boiled at the thought that the old man might
possibly be shot down. He stepped forward and said:

"Sir, you must not order your men to fire. You will raise the whole
country against you if you do. This is surely a law case, and not to be
decided by violence. Such a decision is not to be taken without
reflection and distinct instructions."

"Those instructions I have," replied the lieutenant, "and I've got to
follow them out--more's the pity," he added between his teeth, while
turning to his troopers to give the decisive command. At this moment
down from the bluff and over the wooden bridge came clattering a crowd
of armed farmers, the younger ones whirling their rifles or revolvers as
they rode. Foremost among them were Morris and Seth Stevens, and between
these two young Jake Conklin on Jack. As they reached the corner of the
fence the crowd pulled up and Morris cried out:

"Elder, we're on time, I reckon." Addressing the lieutenant he added
violently: "We don't pay United States soldiers to pull down our fences
and destroy our crops. That's got to stop right here, and right now!"

"My orders are imperative," the officer declared, "and if you resist you
must take the consequences." But while he spoke the hopelessness of his
position became clear to him, for reinforcements of farmers were still
pouring over the bridge, and already the soldiers were outnumbered two
to one. Just as Seth Stevens began with "Damn the consequences," the
Elder interrupted him:

"Young man," he said to the lieutenant, "you'd better go back to
Wichita. I guess General Custer didn't send you to fight the hull
township." Turning to Stevens, he added, "Thar ain't no need fer any
cussin'." Amid complete silence he uncocked his shot-gun, climbed over
the fence, and went on in the same voice:

"Jake, take that horse to the stable an' wipe him dry. Tell your mother
I'm coming right up to eat."

Without another word he moved off homewards. His intervention had put an
end to the difficulty. Even the lieutenant understood that there was
nothing more to be done for the moment. Five minutes later the troopers
recrossed the bridge. Morris and a few of the older men held a brief
consultation. It was agreed that they should be on the same spot at six
o'clock on the morrow, and some of the younger spirits volunteered to
act as scouts in the direction of Wichita and keep the others informed
of what took place in that quarter.

When Bancroft reached the house with Morris--neither Stevens nor any of
the others felt inclined to trespass on the Elder's hospitality without
an express invitation--he found dinner waiting. Loo had not returned;
had, indeed, arranged, as Morris informed them, to spend the day with
his wife; but Jake was present and irrepressible; he wanted to tell all
he had done to secure the victory. But he had scarcely commenced when
his father shut him up by bidding him eat, for he'd have to go right
back to school.

There was no feeling of triumph in the Elder. He scarcely spoke, and
when Morris described the protective measures that had been adopted, he
merely nodded. In fact, one would have inferred from his manner that he
had had nothing whatever to do with the contest, and took no interest in
it. The only thing that appeared to trouble him was Loo's absence and
the fear lest she should have been "fussed;" but when Morris declared
that neither his wife nor Loo knew what was going on, and Bancroft
announced his intention of driving over to fetch her, he seemed to be
satisfied.

"Jack, I reckon, has had enough," he said to his boarder. "You'd better
take the white mare; she's quiet."

On their way home in the buggy, Bancroft told Loo how her father had
defied the United States troops, and with what unconcern he had taken
his victory:

"I think he's a great man, a hero. And if he had lived in another time,
or in another country, poets would have sung his courage."

"Really," she observed. Her tone was anything but enthusiastic, though
hope stirred in her at his unusual warmth. "Perhaps he cares for me
after all," she thought.

"What are you thinking about, Loo?" he asked, surprised at her silence.

"I was just wonderin'," she answered, casting off her fit of momentary
abstraction, "how father made you like him. It appears as if I couldn't,
George," and she turned towards him while she spoke her wistful eyes
seeking to read his face.

There was a suggestion of tears in her voice, and her manner showed a
submission and humility which touched Bancroft deeply. All his good
impulses had been called into active life by his admiration of the
Elder. He put his disengaged arm round her and drew her to him as he
replied:

"Kiss me, Loo dear, and let us try to get on better together in future.
There's no reason why we shouldn't," he added, trying to convince
himself. The girl's vain and facile temperament required but little
encouragement to abandon itself in utter confidence. In her heart of
hearts she was sure that every man must admire her, and as her
companion's manner and words gave her hope, she chattered away in the
highest spirits till the homestead was reached. Her good-humour and
self-satisfaction made the evening pass merrily. Everything she said or
did delighted the Elder, Bancroft saw that clearly now. Whether she
laughed or talked, teased Jake, or mimicked the matronly airs of Mrs.
Morris, her father's eyes followed her with manifest pleasure and
admiration. On rising to go to bed the Elder said simply:

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Poster poems: Water, water everywhere

What is the funniest book in the English language? It's not a very original question and I ask this cold winter weekend only because I heard a couple of shortlisted candidates being promoted at a memorial service the other day.

Few people beyond his very large and eclectic circle of friends may have heard of David Chipp. Even his profession lent itself to anonymity. He was a news agency journalist who survived stepping on Chairman Mao's foot (young Chipp was the first western correspondent in Beijing after the 1949 revolution) to become editor-in-chief of both Reuters and the domestic wire service, the Press Association.

And much loved he was too. I have never seen St Bride's, Wren's lovely 1672 church behind Fleet Street (the seventh on that site in 1,000 years) so full, not just of hacks (some rather grand ones), but lawyers, fellow Henley rowing buffs, opera enthusiasts and many others. Chipp had an infectious smile and believed that champagne was a non-alcoholic drink. Even Mao forgave him. Chipp died suddenly in his sleep in September, aged 81.

Anyway during the course of the service, Jonathan Grun, the current editor of the PA (which reported the event in five crisp lines), read an extract from AG MacDonell's England, Their England (1933), explaining before doing so that Chippy thought it the second funniest book in the language.

I don't know the novelist or the book, but it won the James Tait prize in 1934 and Goebbels later found time to denounce it as "frivolous and cynical", so it must be OK.

And the funniest book? According to Grun, Chipp thought it was George and Weedon Grossmith's The Diary of a Nobody (1888/9). That's surely enough to get your juices going. I preferred Jerome K Jerome's Three Men in a Boat, published more or less simultaneously.

That one used to make me laugh out loud, as The Diary never quite did. But that's a risk one always takes rereading an old favourite. I loved Eating People is Wrong, by Malcolm Bradbury; funnier than Amis Snr's Lucky Jim. At least, I did until I re-read them both.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Slaughterhouse Five, 1066 and All That. Catch 22 (that stands up pretty well), A Confederacy of Dunces. Anything by Terry Pratchett, say some. Anything by PG Wodehouse, say others, though they all have their favourites. Quite a lot by Evelyn Waugh, says me, though I think it is still Decline and Fall that makes me laugh most.

Any thoughts before the blizzards cut off communications?

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