Wanderers by Knut Hamsun

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The trunk was no heavier than many another burden, but there were bronzed
iron bands round, and one of them tore a hole in my blouse at the back. So
I thanked my stars I had not worn my better one.

VII

Some days passed. I was growing tired of my empty occupation, which
consisted in doing nothing but loaf about the place. I went to the foreman
of the gang and asked him to take me on as a lumberman, but he refused.

These gentlemen of the proletariat think a good deal of themselves; they
look down on farm-workers, and will have nothing to do with them. They are
ever on the move, going from one waterway to another, drawing their wages
in cash, and spending a fair part of the same in drink. Then, too, they
are more popular among the girls. It is the same with men working on the
roads or railways, with all factory-hands; even the mechanic is looked
down upon, and as for the farm-hand, he is a very slave!

Now, I knew I could be pretty sure of a place in the gang any day if I
cared to ask the engineer. But, in the first place, I had no wish to be
further indebted to him, and in the second, I might be sure that if I did,
my friends the lumbermen would make my life a misery until I had gone
through all the trouble of making myself respected for my deserts. And
that might take longer than I cared about.

And then one day the engineer came to me with instructions that I was to
observe with care. He spoke politely and sensibly this time:

"We've had no rain for a long time now; the river's getting steadily
lower, and the logs are piling up on the way down. I want you to tell the
man above and the one below to be extra careful about their work just now,
and you yourself, of course, will do the same."

"We're sure to get rain before long," I said, for the sake of saying
something.

"That may be," he answered, with the intense earnestness of youth, "but I
must act all the same as if there were never to be rain again. Now
remember every word I've said. I can't be everywhere at once myself, more
especially now that I've a visitor."

I answered him with a face as serious as his own that I would do my very
best.

So I was still bound to my idling occupation after all, and wandered up
and down the river as before with my boat-hook and my rations. For my own
satisfaction I cleared away bigger and bigger jams unaided, sang to myself
as if I were a whole gang, and worked hard enough for many men; also I
carried the new instructions to Grindhusen, and frightened him properly.

But then came the rain.

And now the sticks went dancing down through channel and rapids, like
huge, pale serpents hurrying, hurrying on, now head, now tail in air.

Easy days these for my engineer!

For myself, I was ill at ease in the town and in my lodging there. I had a
little room to myself, but one could hear every sound in the place, and
there was little rest or comfort. Moreover, I found myself outdone in
everything by the young lumbermen who lodged there.

I patroled the river-bank regularly those days, though there was little or
nothing for me to do there. I would steal away and sit in hiding under an
over-hanging rock, hugging the thought of how I was old, and forsaken by
all; in the evenings I wrote many letters to people I knew, just to have
some one to talk to; but I did not send the letters.

Joyless days were these. My chief pleasure was to go about noticing every
little trifle in the town, wherever it might be, and thinking a little
upon each.

But was my engineer so free from care? I began to doubt it.

Why was he no longer to be seen out early and late with this new cousin of
his? He would even stop another young lady on the bridge and pass the time
of day--a thing he had not done this fortnight gone. I had seen him with
Fru Falkenberg once or twice; she looked so young and prettily dressed,
and happy--a little reckless, laughing out loud. That's what it's like
when a woman first steps aside, I thought to myself; but to-morrow or the
day after it may be different! And when I saw her again later on I was
annoyed with her; there was something overbold about her dress and manner,
the old charm and sweetness were gone. Where was the tenderness now in her
eyes? Nothing but bravado! And furiously I told myself that her eyes shone
like a pair of lamps at the door of a music hall.

By the look of things the couple had begun to weary of each other, since
he had taken to going out alone, and she spend much of her time sitting
looking out of the window in the hotel. And this, no doubt, was why stout
Captain Bror made his appearance once again; his mission was perhaps to
bring jollity and mirth to others besides himself. And this jovial lump of
deformity certainly did his best; his guffaws of laughter rang through the
little town one whole night long. Then his leave expired, and he had to go
back to drill and duty--Fru Falkenberg and her Hugo were left to
themselves once more.

One day, while I was in a shop, I heard that there had been some slight
difference of opinion between Engineer Lassen and his cousin. A commercial
traveller was telling the shopkeeper all about it. But so great was the
general respect for the wealthy engineer throughout the town that the
shopman would hardly believe the story, and questioned the scandal-monger
doubtingly.

"It must have been in fun, I'm sure. Did you hear it yourself? When was
it?"

The traveller himself did not dare to make more of it.

"My room's next to his," he said, "so I couldn't help hearing it last
night. They were arguing; I don't say it was a quarrel--lord, no! as
delicate as could be. She only said he was different now from what he had
been; that he'd changed somehow. And he said it wasn't his fault, he
couldn't do as he liked here in town. Then she asked him to get rid of
somebody she didn't like--one of his men, a lumberman, I suppose. And he
promised he would."

"Well, there you are--just nothing at all," said the shopkeeper.

But the traveller had heard more, I fancy, than he cared to say. I could
tell as much by his looks.

And had I not noticed myself how the engineer had changed? He had talked
out loud so cheerfully at the station that first day; now he could be
obstinately silent when he did go so far as to take Fruen for a walk down
to the bridge. I could see well enough how they stood looking each their
separate ways. Lord God in heaven, but love is a fleeting thing!

All went well enough at first. She said, no doubt, that it was quite a
nice little place, with a great big river and the rapids, and so strange
to hear the roar of the waters all the time; and here was a real little
town with streets and people in--"And then you here, too!" And he of
course, would answer: "Yes, and you!" Oh, they were everything to each
other at first! But then they grew weary of good things; they took too
much--took love in handfuls, such was their foolishness. And more and more
clearly he realized that things were getting awry; the town was such a
little place, and this cousin of his a stranger--he could not keep on
being her attendant squire for ever. No, they must ease off a little
gradually; now and then, perhaps--only occasionally, of course--it would
be as well to have their meals at different times. If not, some of those
commercial travellers would be getting ideas into their heads about the
loving cousins. Remember, in a little place like this--and she ... how
_could_ she understand it? A little place--yes, but surely it was no
smaller now than it had been at first? No, no, my friend, it is you that
have changed!

* * * * *

There had been plenty of rain, and the timber was coming down beautifully.
Nevertheless, the engineer took to going off on little trips up or down
the river. It seemed as if he were glad to get away; he looked worried and
miserable altogether now.

One day he asked me to go up and tell Grindhusen to come in to town. Was
it Grindhusen, I wondered, that was to be dismissed? But Fruen had never
so much as set eyes on Grindhusen since she came; what could he have done
to offend her?

I fetched Grindhusen in accordingly. He went up to the hotel at once to
report, and the engineer put on his things and went out with him. They set
out up the river and disappeared.

Later in the day Grindhusen came to my lodging, and was ready enough to
tell, but I asked him nothing. In the evening the lumberman gave him
_Brandevin_, and the spirit loosened his tongue. What about this
cousin, or something, engineer has got with him? How much longer was she
going to stay? As to this, nobody could say; and, anyhow, why shouldn't
she stay? "'Tis naught but fooling and trouble with such-like cousin
business," Grindhusen declared. "Why couldn't he bring along the girl he's
going to marry?--and I told him so to his face."

"You told him?" asked one of the men.

"Ay, I did that. You may not know it, but engineer and I we sit there
talking as it might be me and you," said Grindhusen, looking mighty big
and proud. "What do you suppose he sent to fetch me for? You'd never guess
if you sat there all night. Why, he sent for me just to have a talk over
things. Not that there's anything new or strange about that; he's done the
same before now; but, anyhow, that's what it was."

"What'd he want to talk to you about?" asked one.

Grindhusen swelled, and was not to be drawn at once. "Eh, I'm not such a
fool, but I know how to talk with a man. And it's not my way to be
contrary neither. 'You know a thing or two, Grindhusen,' says the
Inspector, 'and there's two Kroner for you,' says he. Ay, that's what he
said. And if you don't believe me, why, here's the money, and you can see.
There!"

"But what was it all about?" asked several voices at once.

"He'd better not say, if you ask me," I said.

It struck me that the engineer must have been miserable and desperate when
he sent me to fetch Grindhusen. He was so little used to trouble that the
moment anything went wrong he felt the need of some one to confide in. And
now when he was going about day after day, thoroughly disheartened and
full of pity for himself, as if he wanted to know how miserable he was at
being checked in his play. This sportsman, with his figure moulded in the
wrong place, was a travesty of youth, a Spartan in tears. What sort of
upbringing could his have been?

Ah, well, if he had been an old man I had found reason and excuse for him
enough; if the truth were known, it was perhaps but hatred of his youth
that moved me now. Who can say? But I know I looked upon him as a
travesty, a caricature.

Grindhusen stared at me when I had spoken my few words; the others, too,
looked wonderingly.

"I'll not say, but it might be better not," said Grindhusen submissively.

But the men were not to be put off.

"And why shouldn't he tell? We're not going to let it go farther."

"No, that we shan't," said another. "But you might be one of that sort
yourself and go telling tales to the Inspector."

Grindhusen took courage at this, and said:

"I'll say what I like, so don't you trouble yourself! Tell just as much as
I please. For I'm saying no more than's true. And in case you'd care to
know, I can tell you the Inspector's got a word to say to you very soon.
Ay, that he has, or hearing goes for nothing. So you've no call to be
anyway stuck up yourself. And as for me telling or not telling things, I'm
saying never a thing but what's the truth. Just remember that. And if you
knew as much as I do, she's nothing but a plague and a burden to him all
the time, and won't let him out of her sight. D'you call that cousins,
going on like that?"

"Nay, surely; nay, surely!" said the men encouragingly.

"What d'you think he sent for me about? Ay, there's the pretty fellow he
sent up with the message! But there'll be a message for him one of these
days: I gathered as much from the Inspector himself. I'll say no more than
that. And as for me telling things, here's Inspector's been like a father
to me, and I'd be a stock and a stone to say otherwise. 'I'm all upset and
worried these days, Grindhusen,' says he to me. 'And what's a man to do;
can you tell me that now?' 'No,' says I, 'but Inspector knows himself,'
says I. Those very words I said. 'I wish to Heaven I did,' says he again.
'But it's all these wretched women,' says he. 'If it's women,' says I,
'why, there's no doing anything with them,' says I. 'No, indeed, you're
right there!' says he. 'The only way's to give them what they were made
for, and a good round slap on the backside into the bargain,' says I. 'By
Heaven, I believe you're right there, Grindhusen,' says the Inspector, and
he brightened up no end. I've never seen a man so brightened up and
cheerful just for a word or so. It was a sight to see. And you can take
and drown me if it isn't gospel truth every single bit I've said. I sat
there just as I'm sitting now, and Inspector as it might be there...."

And Grindhusen rambled on.

* * * * *

Next morning early, before it was fairly light, Engineer Lassen stopped me
on the street. It was only half-past three. I was all fitted out for a
tramp up the river, with my boat-hook and a store of food. Grindhusen was
having a drinking-bout in town, and I was going to do his beat as well as
my own. That would take me right up to the top of the hills, and I had
packed a double stock of food accordingly.

The engineer was evidently coming down from a party somewhere; he was
laughing and talking loudly with a couple of other men, all of them more
or less drunk.

"Go on ahead a bit," he said to the others. And then, turning to me, he
asked: "Where are you off to?"

I told him what I had in mind.

"H'm! I don't know about that," said he. "No, I think you'd better not.
Grindhusen can manage all right by himself. And, besides, I'm going to
inspect myself. You've no business to go off doing things like that
without asking me first."

Well, he was right of course, so far as that went, and I begged his
pardon. And, indeed, knowing as I did how he was set on playing the master
and lording it over his men, I might have had more sense.

But begging his pardon only seemed to egg him on; he felt deeply injured,
and grew quite excited over it.

"I'll have no more of this!" he said. "My men are here to carry out my
orders; that's all they've got to do. I took you on to give you a chance,
not because I'd any use for you myself. And I've no use for you now,
anyhow."

I stood there staring at him, and said never a word.

"You can come round to the office today and get your wages," he went on.
And then he turned to go.

So I was the one to be dismissed! Now I understood what Grindhusen had
meant with his hints about me. Fru Falkenberg, no doubt, had come to hate
the sight of me by now, reminding her, as it must, of her home, and so she
had got him to turn me off. But hadn't I been the very one to show
delicacy of feeling towards her at the station, turning away instead of
recognizing her? Had I ever so much as lifted my cap to her when I passed
her in the street? Surely I had been considerate enough to deserve
consideration in return?

And now--here was this young engineer turning me off at a moment's notice,
and that with unnecessary vehemence. I saw it all in my mind: he had been
worrying himself for days over this dismissal, shirking it all the time,
until at last he managed to screw his courage up by drinking hard all
night. Was I doing him an injustice? It might be so; and I tried to combat
the thought myself. Once more I called to mind that he was young and I was
old, and my heart no doubt, full of envy on that account. So I gave him no
sarcastic answer now, but simply said:

"Ay, well, then, I can unpack the things I was taking along."

But the engineer was anxious to make the most of his chance now he was
fairly started; he dragged in the old story about the time he'd wanted me
to go and fetch a trunk.

"When I give an order, I don't expect the man to turn round and say no, he
won't. I'm not used to that sort of thing. And as there's no knowing it
may not occur again, you'd better go."

"Well and good," said I.

I saw a figure in a white dress at a window in the hotel, and fancied it
must be Fru Falkenberg watching us, so I said no more.

But then the engineer seemed suddenly to remember that he couldn't get rid
of me once and for all on the spot; he would have to see me again to
settle up. So he changed his tone and said: "Well, anyhow, come up
sometime to-day and get your money. Have you thought over how much it
ought to be?"

"No. That'll be for engineer himself to decide."

"Well, well," he said in a kindlier voice, "after all, you've been a good
man to have, I will say that for you. But, for various reasons--and it's
not only for myself: you know what women--that is, I mean the ladies--"

Oh, but he was young indeed. He stopped at nothing.

"Well--good morning!" He nodded abruptly, and turned away.

* * * * *

But the day proved all too short for me; I went up into the woods, and
stayed roaming about there all by myself so long that I didn't get to the
office to draw my money. Well, there was no hurry; I had plenty of time.

What was I to do now?

I had not cared much for the little town before, but now it began to
interest me; I would gladly have stayed on a while. There were
complications arising between two people whom I had been following
attentively for some weeks past; something fresh might happen any moment
now, there was no saying. I thought of going as apprentice to a
blacksmith, just for the sake of staying in the place, but then, if I did,
I should be tied to the smithy all day and hampered in my movements
altogether; apart from which, the apprenticeship would take too many years
of my life. And years were the thing I least of all could spare.

So I let the days pass, one after another; the weather changed round again
to dry, sunny days. I stayed on at the lodging-house, mended my clothes,
and got some new ones made at a shop. One of the maids in the house came
up one evening and offered to do some mending for me, but I was more in
the mood for fooling, and showed her how well I managed the work myself.

"Look at that patch, there, now--and that!" After a while a man came up
the stairs and tried the door. "Open, you within!" he said.

"It's Henrik, one of the lumbermen," said the girl.

"Is he your sweetheart?" I asked.

"No, indeed, I should think not," she answered. "I'd rather go without
than have a fellow like him."

"Open the door, d'you hear!" cried the man outside. But the girl was not
frightened in the least. "Let him stay outside," she said. And we let him
stay outside. But that door of mine bent inwards in a great curve every
now and then, when he pushed his hardest.

At last, when we'd finished making fun about my needlework and her
sweethearts, I had to go out and see the passage was clear before she
would venture downstairs. But there was no man there.

It was late now; I went down to the parlour for a bit, and there was
Grindhusen drinking with some of the gang. "There he is!" said one of
them, as I came in. It was Henrik who spoke; he was trying to get his
mates against me. Grindhusen, too, sided with the rest of them, and tried
all he could to annoy me.

Poor Grindhusen! He was stale-drunk all the time now, and couldn't get
clear of it. He had had another meeting with Engineer Lassen; they had
walked up the river as before and sat talking for an hour, and when
Grindhusen came back he showed a new two-Kroner piece he'd got. Then he
went on the drink again, and gabbled about being in the engineer's
confidence. This evening, too, he was all high-and-mightiness, not to be
outdone by anybody.

"Come in and sit down," he said to me.

But one or two of the other men demurred; they would have nothing to do
with me. And at this Grindhusen changed front; for sheer devilment he fell
to again about the engineer and his cousin, knowing it would annoy me.

"Well, has he turned you off?" he asked, with a side glance at the others,
as if to bid them watch what was coming.

"Yes," said I.

"Aha! I knew all about it days ago, but I never said a word. I don't mind
saying I knew about it before any other single soul in the world of us
here, but did I ever breathe a word of it? Inspector he says to me: 'I
want to ask you something, Grindhusen,' says he, 'and that is, if you'll
come down and work in the town instead of the man I've got there now. I
want to get rid of him,' says he. 'Why, as to that,' says I, 'it's just as
Inspector's pleased to command.' That was my very words, and neither more
nor less. But did I ever breathe a syllable?"

"Has he turned you off?" asked one of the other men then.

"Yes," I answered.

"But as for that cousin of his," Grindhusen went on, "he asked me about
her, too. Ay, Inspector, he asks my advice about all sorts of things. And
now, this last time we were up the river together, he slapped his knee
when he talked of her. So there. And you can guess for yourselves till
tomorrow morning if you like. Everything of the best to eat and drink and
every way, and costing a heap of money each week; but she stays on and on.
Fie and for shame, say I, and I mean it too."

But now it seemed as if the scale had turned in my favour at the news of
my dismissal; some of the men perhaps felt sorry for me, others were glad
to learn that I was going. One of them offered me a drink from his own
bottle, and called to the maid for "another glass--a clean one, you
understand!" Even Henrik no longer bore me any grudge, but drank with me
and was friendly enough. And we sat there gossiping over our glasses quite
a while.

"But you'd better go up and see about that money of yours," said
Grindhusen. "For from what I've heard, I don't fancy you'll get the
Inspector to come down here with it after you. He said as much. 'There's
money owing to him,' that was what he said, 'but if he thinks I'm going to
run after him with it, you can tell him it's here,' he said."

VIII

But the engineer did come down after me, as it turned out, though it was
queer it should be so. Anyhow, it was a triumph I had not sought, and I
cared nothing for it.

He came to the lodging-house to see me, and said: "I want you to come back
with me, if you please, and get your money. And there's a letter come for
you by the post."

When we stepped into the office, Fru Falkenberg was there. I was taken
aback at finding her there. I made a bow and stood over by the door.

"Sit down, won't you?" said the engineer, going to the table for my
letter. "Here you are. No, sit down and read your letter while I'm
reckoning up your pay."

And Fru Falkenberg herself motioned me to a chair.

Now, what were they looking so anxious about? And what was the meaning of
this sudden politeness and "Won't you sit down?" and all the rest? I had
not to wait long to find out: the letter was from Captain Falkenberg.

"Here, you can use this," said Fruen very obligingly, handing me a
letter-opener.

A simple, ordinary letter, nothing more; indeed, it began almost
jestingly: I had run away from Ovrebo before he knew I was going, and
hadn't even waited for my money. If I imagined he was in difficulties and
would not be able to pay me before the harvest was in--if that was why I
had left in such a hurry, why, he hoped I had found out I was mistaken.
And now he would be very glad if I would come back and work for him if I
wasn't fixed up elsewhere. The house and outbuildings wanted painting,
then there would be the harvesting, and, after that, he would like to have
me for work among the timber. Everything looking well here, fields nice
and tall, meadows nice and thick. Glad to hear as soon as you can in
answer to this,--Yours, FALKENBERG.

The engineer had finished his reckoning. He turned on his chair and looked
over at the wall. Then, as if suddenly remembering something, he turned
sharply to the table again. Nervousness, that was all. Fruen stood looking
at her rings, but I had a feeling she was stealthily watching me all the
time--thoroughly nervous, the pair of them!

Then said the engineer:

"Oh, by the way, I noticed your letter was from Captain Falkenberg. How
are things going there? I knew the writing at once."

"Would you like to read the letter?" I said promptly, offering it as I
spoke.

"No--oh no. Thanks, all the same. Not in the least. I was only...."

But he took the letter, all the same. And Fruen came across to him and
stood looking over his shoulder as he read.

"H'm!" said the engineer, with a nod. "Everything going on nicely, it
seems. Thanks." And he held out the letter to give it back.

Fruen's manner was different. She took the letter from him and began
studying it herself. Her hand shook a little.

"Well, now about the money," said the engineer. "Here you are; that's what
I make it. I hope you're satisfied all right?"

"Yes, thank you," said I.

He seemed relieved to find that Captain Falkenberg's letter was only about
myself and made no mention of anyone else. And again he tried to soften
down my dismissal.

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