The Heavenly Twins by Madame Sarah Grand

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"Here you are," she said. "I copied it out of a book the other day, and
put it round the toffee because I knew I should be wanting that, and then
I should see it every time I took it out of my pocket, and not forget it."

"But why did you throw the toffee away?" said Diavolo.

"Shut up, and listen," Angelica rejoined from the floor politely; and then
she began to read: 'Histories make men wise; poets witty; mathematics
subtle; natural philosophy, deep, moral, grave; logic and rhetoric, able
to contend.' Now that's what I want, papa. I want to know all that, and
have a good time; and I expect I shall have to contend to get it!"

"You'll soon learn how," said Diavolo encouragingly.

Mr. Hamilton-Wells had always enjoyed his children's precocity, and,
provided they amused him, they could make him do anything. So after the
conference he announced that he had been questioning Angelica, and had
found that she really was too far advanced for a governess, and he had
therefore decided that she should share Diavolo's lessons with the tutor.
The governess accordingly disappeared from Hamilton House, the first tutor
found that he had no vocation for teaching, and left also, and another was
procured with great difficulty, and at considerable expense, for the fame
of the Heavenly Twins was wide-spread, and their parents were determined
besides not to let any candidate engage himself under the pleasing
delusion that the task of teaching them would be something of a sinecure.

The tutor they finally secured turned out to be a very good fellow,
fortunately; a gentleman, and with a keen sense of humour which the twins
appreciated, so that they took to him at once, and treated him pretty well
on the whole; but lessons were usually a lively time. Angelica, who
continued to be the taller, stronger, and wickeder of the two, soon proved
herself the cleverer also. Like Evadne, she was consumed by the rage to
know, and insisted upon dragging Diavolo on with her. It was interesting
to see them sitting side by side, the dark head touching the fair one as
they bent together intently over some problem. When Diavolo was not quick
enough, Angelica would rouse him up in the old way by knocking her head,
which was still the harder of the two, against his.

"Angelica, did I see you strike your brother?" Mr. Ellis sternly demanded,
the first time he witnessed this performance.

"I don't know whether you saw me or not, sir, but I certainly did strike
him," Angelica answered irritably.

"Why?"

"To wake him up."

"You see, sir," Diavolo proceeded to explain in his imperturbable drawl;
"Angelica discovered that I was born with a hee-red-it-air-ee
predisposition to be a muff. We mostly are on father's side of the
family--"

"And if he isn't one, it's because I slapped the tendency out of him as
soon as I perceived it," Angelica interrupted. "Get on, Diavolo, I've no
patience with you when you're so slow. You know you don't want to learn
this, and that's why you're snailing."

It was rather a trick of Diavolo's "to snail" over his lessons, for in
that as in many other things he was very unlike the good little boy who
loved his book, besides evincing many other traits of character equally
unpopular at the present time. Diavolo would not work unless Angelica made
him, and the worst collision with the tutor was upon this subject.

"Wake up, Theodore, will you!" Mr. Ellis said, during the first week of
their studies.

"Not until you call me Diavolo," was the bland response.

Mr. Ellis resisted for some time, but Diavolo was firm and would do
nothing, and Lady Adeline cautioned the tutor to give in if he saw an
opportunity of doing so with dignity.

"But the young scamp will be jeeringly triumphant if I do," Mr. Ellis
objected.

"Oh, no," Lady Adeline answered. "Diavolo prides himself upon being a
gentleman, and he says a gentleman never jeers or makes himself
unpleasant. His ideas on the latter point, by the way, are peculiarly his
own, and you will probably differ from him as to what is or is not
unpleasant."

Mr. Ellis made a point of calling the boy "Diavolo" in a casual way, as if
he had forgotten the dispute, as early as possible after this, and found
that Lady Adeline was right. Diavolo showed not the slightest sign of
having heard, but he got out his books at once, and did his lessons as if
he liked them.

Mr. Hamilton-Wells had a habit of always saying a little more than was
necessary on some subjects. He was either a born _naturalist_ or had
never conquered the problem of what not to say, and he was so incautious
as to come into the schoolroom one morning while lessons were going on,
and warn Mr. Ellis to be most careful about what he gave the twins to read
in Latin, because some of the classic delicacies which boys are expected
to swallow without injury to themselves are much too highly seasoned for a
young lady; "You must make judicious excerpts," he said.

Slap came the dictionary down upon the table, and Angelica was deep in the
"ex's" in a moment. Excerpt, she found, was to pick or take out. She
passed the dictionary to Diavolo, who studied the definition; but neither
of them made a remark. From that day forth, however, they spent every
spare moment they had in poring over Latin text-books, until they mastered
the language, simply for the purpose of finding out what it was that
Angelica ought not to know.

There were, as has already been stated, some lively scenes at lessons.

"Talk less and do more," Mr. Ellis rashly recommended in the early days of
their acquaintance, and after that, when they disagreed, they claimed that
they had his authority to settle the difference by tearing each other's
hair or scratching each other across the table; and when he interfered,
sometimes they scratched him too. Mr. Hamilton-Wells raised his salary
eventually.

The children invariably had a discussion about everything as soon as it
was over. They called it "talking it out"; and after they had sinned and
suffered punishment, their great delight was to come and coax the tutor
"to talk it out." They would then criticize their own conduct and his,
impartially, point out what they might have done, and what he might have
done, and what ought to have been done on both sides.

These discussions usually took place at the schoolroom tea, a meal which
both tutor and children as a rule thoroughly enjoyed. Mr. Ellis was not
bound to have tea with the twins, but they had politely invited him on the
day of his arrival, explaining that their parents were out, and it would
give them great pleasure to entertain him.

Tea being ready, they took him to the schoolroom, where he found a square
table, just large enough for four, daintily decorated with flowers, and
very nice china.

"We have to buy our own china, because we break so much," Angelica said,
seeing that the tutor noticed it. "That was the kind of thing papa got for
us"--indicating a hugely thick white cup and saucer, which stood on the
mantelpiece on a stand of royal blue plush, and covered with a glass
shade.

"We broke the others, but we had that one mounted as a warning to him.
Papa has no taste at all."

The tutor's face was a study. It was the first of these remarks he had
heard.

The children decided that it would balance the table better if he poured
out the tea, and he good-naturedly acquiesced, and sat down with Angelica
on his right, and Diavolo on his left. The fourth seat opposite was
unoccupied, but there was a cover laid, and he asked who was expected.

"Oh, that is for the Peace Angel," said Diavolo casually.

"Prevents difficulties at tea, you know," Angelica supplemented.
"_We_ don't mind difficulties, but we thought you might object, so we
asked his holiness"--indicating the empty chair--"to preserve order."

Mr. Ellis did not at first appreciate the boon which was conferred on him
by the presence of the Peace Angel, but he soon learnt to.

"I am on my honour and thick bread and butter to-day," said Diavolo,
looking longingly at the plentiful supply and variety of cakes on the
table.

"What does that mean exactly?" Mr. Ellis asked, pausing with the teapot
raised to pour.

"Why, you see, he was naughty this morning," Angelica explained. "And as
mamma was going out, she put him on his honour, as a punishment, not to
eat cake."

"I've a good mind not to eat anything," said Diavolo, considering the
plate of thick bread and butter beside him discontentedly.

"Then you'll be cutting off your nose to vex your face," said Angelica.

Diavolo caught up a piece of bread and butter to throw at her; but she
held up her hand, crying: "I appeal to the Peace Angel!"

"I forgot," said Diavolo, transferring the bread to his plate.

The children studied the tutor during tea.

He was a man of thirty, somewhat careworn about the eyes, but with an
excessively kind and pleasant face, clean shaven; and thick, reddy-brown
hair. He was above the middle height, a little stooped at the shoulders,
but of average strength.

"I like the look of you," said Angelica frankly.

"Thank you," he answered, smiling.

"And I vote for a permanent arrangement," she said, looking at Diavolo.

He was just then hidden behind a huge slice of bread, biting it, but he
nodded intelligently.

The permanent arrangement referred to was to have the tutor to tea, and he
agreed, wisely stipulating, however, that the presence of the Peace Angel
should also be permanent. He even tried to persuade the twins to invite
him to lessons; but that they firmly declined.

"You'll like being our tutor, I think," Diavolo observed during this first
tea.

"He will if we like him," said Angelica significantly.

"Are we going to?" Diavolo asked.

"Yes, I think so," she answered, taking another good look at Mr. Ellis. "I
like the look of that red in his hair."

"Now, isn't that a woman's reason?" Diavolo exclaimed, appealing to Mr.
Ellis.

"Yes, it is," said Angelica, preparing to defend it by shuffling a
note-book out of her pocket, and ruffling the leaves over: "Listen to
this"--and she read--"'A tinge of red in the hair denotes strength and
energy of character and good staying power.' We don't want a muff for a
tutor, do we? There are born muffs enough in the family without importing
them. And a woman's reason is always a good one, as men might see if
they'd only stop chattering and listen to it."

"It mayn't be well expressed, but it will bear examination," Mr. Ellis
suggested.

"Do you like being a tutor?" Diavolo.

"It depends on whom I have to teach."

"If you're a good fellow, you'll have a nice time here--on the whole--I
hope, sir," Angelica observed. "But why are you a tutor?"

"To earn my living," Mr. Ellis answered, smiling again.

The children remembered this, and when they were having tea under the
shadow of the supposititious Peace Angel's wing, after the first occasion
on which, when the tutor tried to separate them during a fight at lessons,
they had turned simultaneously and attacked him, they made it the text of
some recommendations. He expressed a strong objection to having manual
labour imposed upon him as well as his other work: but they maintained
that if only he had called the affray "a struggle for daily bread" or "a
fight for a livelihood," he would quite have enjoyed it; and they further
suggested that such diversion must be much more interesting than being a
mere commonplace tutor who only taught lessons. They could not understand
why a fight was not as much fun for him as for them, and thought him
unreasonable when they found he was not to be persuaded to countenance
that way of varying the monotony. Not that there was ever much monotony in
the neighbourhood of the Heavenly Twins; they managed to introduce variety
into everything, and their quickness of action, when both were roused, was
phenomenal. One day while at work they saw a sparrow pick up a piece of
bread, take it to the roof-tree of an angle of the house visible from the
schoolroom window, drop it, and chase it as it fell; and the twins had
made a bet as to which would beat, bird or bread, quarrelled because they
could not agree as to which had bet on bird and which on bread, and boxed
each other's ears almost before the race was over.

Mr. Ellis, although continually upon his guard, was not by any means
always a match for them. Over and over again he found that his caution had
been fanned to sleep by flattering attentions, while traps were being laid
for him with the most innocent air in the world, as on one occasion when
Diavolo betrayed him into a dissertation on the consistency of the
Scriptures, and Angelica asked him to kindly show her how to reconcile
Prov. viii. 2: "For wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that
may be desired are not be compared to it," with Eccles. i. 18: "For in
much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth
sorrow."

His way with them was admirable, however, and he completely won their
hearts. The thing that they respected him for most was the fact that he
took in _Punch_ on his own account, and could show you a lot of
things in it that you could never have discovered yourself, as Angelica
said, and read bits in a way that made them seem ever so much funnier than
when _you_ read them; and could tell you who drew the pictures the
moment he looked at them--so that "_Punch_ Day" came to be looked
forward to by the children as one of the pleasantest events of the week.
Lessons were suspended the moment the paper arrived, if they had been good;
but when they were naughty Mr. Ellis put the paper in his pocket, and
that was the greatest punishment he could inflict upon them--the only one
that ever made them sulk. They would be good for hours in advance to earn
the right of having _Punch_ shown to them the moment it came. And it
was certainly by means of his intelligent interpretation of it that their
tutor managed to cultivate their tastes in many ways, and give them true
ideas of art, and the importance of art, at the outset, and also of
ethics. He was as careful of Angelica's physical as of her mental
education, being himself strongly imbued by the then new idea that a woman
should have the full use of her limbs, lungs, heart, and every other organ
and muscle, so that life might be a pleasure to her and not a continual
exertion. He had a strong objection to the artificial waist, and impressed
the beauty of Tenniel's classical purity of figure upon the children by
teaching them to appreciate the contrast it presents to the bulging
vulgarities made manifest by Keene; and showed them also that while Du
Maurier depicted with admirable artistic interpretation the refined
surroundings and attenuated forms of women as they are, Linley Sambourne,
that master of lovely line, pointed the moral by drawing women as they
should be. There was nothing conventional about the Heavenly Twins, and it
was therefore easy to make a good impression upon them in this direction,
and, the tutor soon had a practical proof of his success which must have
been eminently satisfactory if a trifle embarrassing.

The children were out on the lawn in front of the house one afternoon when
a lady arrived to call upon their mother. They were struck by her
appearance as she descended from her carriage, and followed her into the
drawing room to have a good look at her. She was one of those heroic women
who have the constancy to squeeze their figures in beyond the Y shape,
which is the commonest deformity, to that of the hourglass which bulges
out more above and below the line of compression.

There were a good many other people in the room, whom the Heavenly Twins
saluted politely; and then they sat down opposite to the object of their
interest and gazed at her.

"Why are you tied so tight in the middle?" Angelica asked at last in a
voice that silenced everybody else in the room. "Doesn't it hurt? I mean
to have a _good_ figure when I grow up, like the Venus de Medici, you
know. I can show you a picture of her, if you like. She hasn't a stitch on
her."

"She looks awfully nice, though," said Diavolo, "and Angelica thinks she'd
be able to eat more with that kind of figure."

"Yes," Angelica candidly confessed, looking at her victim compassionately.
"I shouldn't think, now, that you can eat both pudding and meat, can you?"

"Not to mention dessert!" Diavolo ejaculated with genuine concern.

"Mr. Ellis, will you get those children out of the room, somehow," Lady
Adeline whispered to the tutor, who had come in for tea.

"Is it true, do you think," Mr. Ellis began loudly, addressing Mr.
Hamilton-Wells across the room--"Is it true that Dr. Galbraith is going to
try some horrible experiments in vivisection this afternoon?"

"What is vivisection?" asked Angelica, diverted.

"Cutting up live animals to find out what makes them go," said the tutor.

In three minutes there wasn't a vestige of the Heavenly Twins about the
place.

CHAPTER XX.

The twins had a code of ethics which differed in some respects from that
ordinarily accepted in their state of life. They honoured their
mother--they couldn't help it, as they said themselves, apologetically;
but their father they looked upon as fair game for their amusement.

"What was that unearthly noise I heard this morning?" Mr. Ellis asked one
day.

"Oh, did we wake you, sir?" Diavolo exclaimed. "We didn't mean to. We were
only yowling papa out of bed with our fiddles. He's idle sometimes, and
won't get up, and it's so bad for him, you know."

"I wish you could see him scooting down the corridor after us," Angelica
observed. "And do you know, he speaks just the same at that time of day in
his dressing gown, as he does, in the evening in dress clothes. You'd die
if you heard him."

Another habit of the twins was to read any letters they might find lying
about.

"It is dishonourable to read other people's letters," Mr. Ellis admonished
them severely when he became aware of this peculiarity.

"It isn't for us," Angelica answered defiantly. "You might as well say its
dishonourable to squint. We've always done it, and everybody knows we do
it. We warn them not to leave their letters lying about, don't we,
Diavolo?"

"That is because it is greater fun to hunt for them," Diavolo interpreted
precisely. When Angelica gave a reason he usually cleared it of all
obscurity in this way.

"And how are we to know what goes on in the family if we don't read the
letters?" Angelica demanded.

"What necessity is there for you to know?"

"Every necessity!" she retorted. "Not be interested in one's own family
affairs? Why, we should we wanting in intelligence, and we're not that,
you know! And we should be wanting in affection, too, and every right
feeling; and I hope we are not that either, Mr. Ellis, _quite_. But
you needn't be afraid about your own letters. We shan't touch them."

"No," drawled Diavolo. "Of course that would be a very different thing."

"I am glad you draw the line somewhere," Mr. Ellis observed sarcastically.
He was far from satisfied, however, but he noticed eventually that the
dust collected on letters of his own if he left them lying about, and he
soon discovered that when his intelligent pupils gave their word they kept
it uncompromisingly. It was one of their virtues, and the other was
loyalty to each other. Their devotion to their mother hardly counted for a
virtue, because they never carried it far enough to make any sacrifice for
her sake. But they would have sacrificed their very lives for each other,
and would have fought for the right to die until there was very little
left of either of them to execute; of such peculiar quality were their
affections.

They had gone straight to Fountain Towers by the shortest cut across the
fields that afternoon when Mr. Ellis suggested vivisection as a possible
occupation for Dr. Galbraith. They never doubted but that they should
discover him hard at work, in some underground cellar most likely, to
which they would be guided by the cries of his victims, and would be able
to conquer his reluctance to allow them to assist at his experiments, by
threats of exposure; and they were considerably chagrined when, having
carefully concealed themselves in a thick shrubbery, in order to
reconnoitre the house, they came upon him in the garden, innocently
occupied in the idle pursuit of pruning rose trees.

He was somewhat startled himself when he suddenly saw their hot red faces,
set like two moons in a clump of greenery, peeping out at him with
animated eyes.

"Hollo!" he said. "Are you hungry?" The faces disappeared behind the
bushes.

"Are we, Angelica?" Diavolo whispered anxiously.

"Of course we are," she retorted.

"I thought we were too angry--disgusted--disappointed--_something_"
he murmured apologetically, but evidently much relieved.

Dr. Galbraith went on with his pruning, and presently the twins appeared
walking down the proper approach to the garden hand in hand demurely.

After they had saluted their host politely, they stood and stared at him.

"Well?" he said at last.

"I suppose we are too late?" said Angelica.

"For what?" he asked, without pausing in his occupation.

"For the viv-viv-vivinesectionining."

"Vivinesectionining! What on earth--Oh!" Light broke in upon him. "Who
told you I was?"

"Mr. Ellis," said Angelica.

"No, he didn't tell us you were exactly," Diavolo explained with
conscientious accuracy. "He asked papa if it was true that you were going
to this afternoon?"

"And what were _you_ doing?" Dr. Galbraith asked astutely.

"We were in the drawing room," Angelica answered, "trying to find out from
a lady why she tied herself up so tight in the middle."

"And so you came off here to see?"

"Yes," said Diavolo. "We wanted to catch you at it."

"You little brute, misbegotten by the--" Dr. Galbraith began, but Diavolo
interrupted him.

"_Sir!_" he exclaimed, drawing himself up with an expression of as
much indignation as could be got into his small patrician features. "If
you do not instantly withdraw that calumny, I shall have to fight you on
my mother's behalf, and I shall consider it my duty to inform her of the
insinuation which is the cause of offence."

"I apologize," said Dr. Galbraith, taking off his hat and bowing low. "I
assure you the expression was used as a mere _facon de parler_."

"I accept your explanation, sir," said Diavolo, returning the salute. "But
I caution you to be careful for the future. What is a _facon de
parler_, Angelica?" he whispered as he put his hat on.

"Oh, just a way of saying it," she answered. "I wish you wouldn't talk so
much. Men are always cackling by the hour all about nothing. If people
come to see me when _I_ have a house of my own, I shall not forget
the rites of hospitality."

The doctor put up his pruning knife. There was a twinkle in his gray eyes.

"If you will do me the favour to come this way," he said, "my slaves will
prepare a small collation on the instant."

"Oh, yes," said Diavolo. "Arabian Nights, you know! You must have fresh
fruits and dried fruits, choice wines, cakes, sweets, and nuts."

"It shall be done as my lord commands," said the doctor.

That same evening, when he took the children home, Dr. Galbraith found
Lady Adeline alone. She was a plain woman, but well-bred in appearance;
and tender thoughts had carved a sweet expression on her face.

Next to her brother Dawne, Dawne's most intimate friend, Dr. Galbraith,
was the man in the world upon whom she placed the greatest reliance.

"I have brought back the children," he said.

"Ah. then they _have_ been with you!" she answered in a tone of
relief. "We hoped they were."

"Oh, yes," he said smiling. "They showed me exactly what the difficulty
here had been, and I have been endeavouring to win back their esteem, for
they made it appear plainly that they despised me when they found me
peacefully pruning rose trees instead of dismembering live rabbits, as Mr.
Ellis had apparently led them to expect."

"They told you, then?"

"Oh, exactly, I am sure--about the lady tied too tight in the middle, and
everything."

"They are terrible, George, those children," Lady Adeline declared. "My
whole life is one ache of anxiety on their account. I am always in doubt
as to whether their unnatural acuteness portends vice or is promising; and
whether we are doing all that ought to be done for them."

"I am sure they are in very good hands now," he answered cheerfully. "Mr.
Ellis is an exceedingly good fellow; they like him too, and I don't think
anybody could manage them better."

"No;" said Lady Adeline: "but that only means that no one can manage them
at all. They are everywhere. They know everything. They have already
mastered every fact in natural history that can be learnt upon the estate;
and they will do almost anything, and are so unscrupulous that I fear
sometimes they are going to take after some criminal ancestor there may
have been in the family, although I never heard of one, and go to the bad
altogether. Now, what is to be done with such children? I hardly dare
allow myself to hope that they have good qualities enough to save them,
and yet--and yet they are lovable," she added, looking at him wistfully.