A  /  B  /  C  /  D  /  E  /   F  /  G  /  H  /  I  /  J  /   K  /  L  /  M  /  N  /  O   P  /  R  /  S  /  T  /  U  /  V  /  W  /  X  /  Y  /  Z

The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, Volume 8 by Richard F. Burton

R >> Richard F. Burton >> The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, Volume 8

Pages:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32



After this she wrote a letter to Masrur, describing to him all
that the Jew had done with her from first to last and enclosed
the verses aforesaid. Then she folded the scroll and gave it to
her maid Hubub, saying, "Keep this in thy pocket, till we send it
to Masrur." Upon these doings lo and behold! in came the Jew and
seeing them joyous, said to them, "How cometh it that I find you
merry? Say me, hath a letter reached you from your bosom friend
Masrur?" Replied Zayn al-Mawasif, "We have no helper against thee
save Allah, extolled and exalted be He! He will deliver us from
thy tyranny, and except thou restore us to our birth-place and
homestead, we will complain of thee tomorrow to the Governor of
this town and to the Kazi." Quoth he, "Who struck off the
shackles from your legs? But needs must I let make for each of
you fetters ten pounds in weight and go round about the city with
you." Replied Hubub, "All that thou purposest against us thou
shall fall into thyself, so it please Allah the Most High, by
token that thou hast exiled us from our homes, and to-morrow we
shall stand, we and thou, before the Governor of the city." They
nighted on this wise and next morning the Jew rose up in haste
and went out to order new shackles, whereupon Zayn al-Mawasif
arose and repaired with her women to the court-house, where she
found the four Kazis and saluted them. They all returned her
salutation and the Kazi of Kazis said to those about him, "Verily
this damsel is lovely as the Venus-star[FN#363] and all who see
her love her and bow before her beauty and loveliness." Then he
despatched four sergeants, who were Sharifs,[FN#364] saying,
"Bring ye the criminal after abjectest fashion." So, when the Jew
returned with the shackles and found none in the house, he was
confounded; but, as he abode in perplexity, suddenly up came the
officers and laying hold of him beat him with a sore beating and
dragged him face downwards before the Kazi. When the judge saw
him, he cried out in his face and said to him, "Woe to thee, O
foe of God, is it come to such a pass with thee that thou doest
the deed thou hast done and bringest these women far from their
country and stealest their monies and wouldst make them Jews? How
durst thou seek to make miscreants of Moslems?" Answered the Jew,
"O my lord this woman is my wife." Now when the Kazis heard this,
they all cried out, saying, "Throw this hound on the ground and
come down on his face with your sandals and beat him with sore
blows, for his offence is unpardonable." So they pulled off his
silken gear and clad him in his wife's raiment of hair-cloth,
after which they threw him down and plucked out his beard and
belaboured him about the face with sandals. Then they sat him on
an ass, face to crupper, arsi-versy, and making him take its tail
in his hand, paraded him round about the city, ringing the bell
before him in every street; after which they brought him back to
the judges in sorriest plight; and the four Kazis with one voice
condemned him to have his feet and hands cut off and lastly to be
crucified. When the accursed heard this sentence his sense
forsook him and he was confounded and said, "O my lords the
Kazis, what would ye of me?" They replied, "Say thou, 'This
damsel is not my wife and the monies are her monies, and I have
transgressed against her and brought her far from her country.'"
So he confessed to this and the Kazis recorded his confession in
legal form and taking the money from him, gave it to Zayn
al-Mawasif, together with the document. Then she went away and
all who saw her were confounded at her beauty and loveliness,
whilst each of the Kazis looked for her committing herself to
him. But, when she came to her lodging, she made ready all
matters she needed and waited till night. Then she took what was
light of load and weighty of worth, and setting out with her
maids under cover of the murks three days with their nights fared
on without stopping. Thus it was with her; but as regards the
Kazis they ordered the Jew to prison.--And Shahrazad perceived
the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.

When it was the Eight Hundred and Sixtieth Night,

She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the Kazis
ordered the Jew to prison and on the morrow they looked for Zayn
al-Mawasif coming to them, they and their assessors; but she
presented herself not to any of them. Then said the Chief Kazi,
"I wish to-day to make an excursion without the town on business
there." So he mounted his she-mule and taking his page with him,
went winding about the streets of the town, searching its length
and width for Zayn al-Mawasif, but never finding her. On this
errand he came upon the other three Kazis, going about on the
same, each deeming himself the only one to whom she had given
tryst. He asked them whither they were riding and why they were
going about the streets; when they told him their business,
whereby he saw that their plight was as his plight and their
quest as his quest. So they all four rode throughout the city,
seeking her, but could hit on no trace of her and returned to
their houses, sick for love, and lay down on the bed of langour.
Presently the Chief Kazi bethought himself of the blacksmith; so
he sent for him and said to him, "O blacksmith, knowest thou
aught of the damsel whom thou didst direct to me? By Allah, an
thou discover her not to me, I will whack thee with whips." Now
when the smith heard this, he recited these couplets[FN#365],

"She who my all of love by love of her hath won * Owns every
Beauty and for others leaves she none:
She gazes, a gazelle; she breathes, fresh ambergris * She waves,
a lake; she sways, a bough; she shines, a Sun."

Then said the blacksmith, "By Allah, O my lord, since she fared
forth from thy worshipful presence,[FN#366] I have not set eyes
on her; no, not once. Indeed she took possession of my heart and
wits and all my talk and thoughts are of her. I went to her
lodging but found her not, nor found I any who could give me news
of her, and it is as if she had dived into the depths of the sea
or had ascended to the sky." Now when the Kazi heard this, he
groaned a groan, that his soul was like to depart therefor, and
he said, "By Allah, well it were had we never seen her!" Then the
smith went away, whilst the Kazi fell down on his bed and became
sick of langour for her sake, and on like wise fared it with the
other three Kazis and assessors. The mediciners paid them
frequent calls, but found in them no ailment requiring a leach:
so the city-notables went in to the Chief Kazi and saluting him,
questioned him of his case; whereupon he sighed and showed them
that was in his heart, reciting these couplets,

"Stint ye this blame; enough I suffer from Love's malady * Nor
chide the Kazi frail who fain must deal to folk decree!
Who doth accuse my love let him for me find some excuse: * Nor
blame; for lovers blameless are in lover-slavery!
I was a K zi whom my Fate deigned aid with choicest aid * By writ
and reed and raisŠd me to wealth and high degree;
Till I was shot by sharpest shaft that knows nor leach nor cure *
By Damsel's glance who came to spill my blood and murther
me.
To me came she, a Moslemah and of her wrongs she 'plained * With
lips that oped on Orient-pearls ranged fair and orderly:
I looked beneath her veil and saw a wending moon at full * Rising
below the wings of Night engloomed with blackest blee:
A brightest favour and a mouth bedight with wondrous smiles; *
Beauty had brought the loveliest garb and robed her
cap-…-pie.
By Allah, ne'er beheld my eyes a face so ferly fair * Amid
mankind whoever are, Arab or Ajami.
My Fair! What promise didst thou make what time to me thou
said'st * 'Whenas I promise I perform, O Kazi, faithfully.'
Such is my stead and such my case calamitous and dire * And ask
me not, ye men of spunk, what dreadful teen I dree."

When he ended his verse he wept with sore weeping and sobbed one
sob and his spirit departed his body, which seeing they washed
him and shrouded him and prayed over him and buried him graving
on his tomb these couplets,

"Perfect were lover's qualities in him was brought a-morn, *
Slain by his love and his beloved, to this untimely grave:
K zi was he amid the folk, and aye 'twas his delight * To foster
all the folk and keep a-sheath the Justice-glaive:
Love caused his doom and ne'er we saw among mankind before * The
lord and master louting low before his thrallŠd slave."

Then they committed him to the mercy of Allah and went away to
the second Kazi, in company with the physician, but found in him
nor injury nor ailment needing a leach. Accordingly they
questioned him of his case and what preoccupied him; so he told
them what ailed him, whereupon they blamed him and chid him for
his predicament and he answered them with these couplets,

"Blighted by her yet am I not to blame; * Struck by the dart at
me her fair hand threw.
Unto me came a woman called Hub£b * Chiding the world from year
to year anew:
And brought a damsel showing face that shamed * Full moon that
sails through Night-tide's blackest hue,
She showed her beauties and she 'plained her plain * Which tears
in torrents from her eyelids drew:
I to her words gave ear and gazed on her * Whenas with smiling
lips she made me rue.
Then with my heart she fared where'er she fared * And left me
pledged to sorrows soul subdue.
Such is my tale! So pity ye my case * And this my page with
Kazi's gear indue."

Then he sobbed one sob and his soul fled his flesh; whereupon
they gat ready his funeral and buried him commending him to the
mercy of Allah; after which they repaired to the third Kazi and
the fourth, and there befel them the like of what befel their
brethren.[FN#367] Furthermore, they found the Assessors also sick
for love of her, and indeed all who saw her died of her love or,
an they died not, lived on tortured with the lowe of passion.--
And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her
permitted say.

When it was the Eight Hundred and Sixty-first Night,

She pursued, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the city
folk found all the Kazis and the Assessors sick for love of her,
and all who saw her died lovesick or, an they died not, lived on
tortured with the lowe of passion for stress of pining to no
purpose--Allah have mercy on them one and all! Meanwhile Zayn al-
Mawasif and her women drave on with all diligence till they were
far distant from the city and it so fortuned that they came to a
convent by the way, wherein dwelt a Prior called Danis and forty
monks.[FN#368] When the Prior saw her beauty, he went out to her
and invited her to alight, saying, "Rest with us ten days and
after wend your ways." So she and her damsels alighted and
entered the convent; and when Danis saw her beauty and
loveliness, she debauched his belief and he was seduced by her:
wherefore he fell to sending the monks, one after other with
love-messages; but each who saw her fell in love with her and
sought her favours for himself, whilst she excused and denied
herself to them. But Danis ceased not his importunities till he
had dispatched all the forty, each one of whom fell love-sick at
first sight and plied her with blandishments never even naming
Danis; whilst she refused and rebuffed them with harsh replies.
At last when Danis's patience was at an end and his passion was
sore on him, he said in himself, "Verily, the sooth-sayer saith,
'Naught scratcheth my skin but my own nail and naught like my own
feet for mine errand may avail.'" So up he rose and made ready
rich meats, and it was the ninth day of her sojourn in the
convent where she had purposed only to rest. Then he carried them
in to her and set them before her, saying, "Bismillah, favour us
by tasting the best of the food at our command." So she put forth
her hand, saying, "For the name of Allah the Compassionating, the
Compassionate!" and ate, she and her handmaidens. When she had
made an end of eating, he said to her, "O my lady, I wish to
recite to thee some verses." Quoth she, "Say on," and he recited
these couplets,

"Thou hast won my heart by cheek and eye of thee, * I'll praise
for love in prose and poesy.
Wilt fly a lover, love-sick, love-distraught * Who strives in
dreams some cure of love to see?
Leave me not fallen, passion-fooled, since I * For pine have left
uncared the Monast'ry:
O Fairest, 'tis thy right to shed my blood, * So rue my case and
hear the cry of me!"

When Zayn al-Mawasif heard his verses, she answered him with
these two couplets,

"O who suest Union, ne'er hope such delight * Nor solicit my
favours, O hapless wight!
Cease to hanker for what thou canst never have: * Next door are
the greedy to sore despight."

Hearing this he returned to his place, pondering in himself and
knowing not how he should do in her affair, and passed the night
in the sorriest plight. But, as soon as the darkness was darkest
Zayn al-Mawasif arose and said to her handmaids, "Come, let us
away, for we cannot avail against forty men, monks, each of whom
requireth me for himself." Quoth they, "Right willingly!" So they
mounted their beasts and issued forth the convent gate,--
Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her
permitted say.

When it was the Eight Hundred and Sixty-second Night,

She resumed, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that Zayn
al-Mawasif and her handmaids issued forth the convent gate and,
under favour of the night, rode on till they overtook a caravan,
with which they mingled and found it came from the city of 'Adan
wherein the lady had dwelt. Presently, Zayn al-Mawasif heard the
people of the caravan discoursing of her own case and telling how
the Kazis and Assessors were dead of love for her and how the
townsfolk had appointed in their stead others who released her
husband from prison. Whereupon she turned to her maids and asked
them, "Heard ye that?"; and Hubub answered, "If the monks were
ravished with love of thee, whose belief it is that shunning
women is worship, how should it be with the Kazis, who hold that
there is no monkery in Al-Islam? But let us make our way to our
own country, whilst our affair is yet hidden." So they drave on
with all diligence. Such was their case; but as regards the
monks, on the morrow, as soon as it was day they repaired to Zayn
al-Mawasif's lodging, to salute her, but found the place empty,
and their hearts sickened within them. So the first monk rent his
raiment and improvised these couplets,

"Ho ye, my friends, draw near, for I forthright * From you
depart, since parting is my lot:
My vitals suffer pangs o' fiery love; * Flames of desire in heart
burn high and hot,
For sake of fairest girl who sought our land * Whose charms th'
horizon's full moon evens not.
She fared and left me victimed by her love * And slain by shaft
those lids death-dealing shot."

Then another monk recited the following couplets,

"O ye who with my vitals fled, have ruth * On this unhappy: haste
ye homeward-bound:
They fared, and fared fair Peace on farthest track * Yet lingers
in mine ear that sweetest sound:
Fared far, and far their fane; would Heaven I saw Their shade in
vision float my couch around:
And when they went wi' them they bore my heart * And in my
tear-floods all of me left drowned."

A third monk followed with these extempore lines,

"Throne you on highmost stead, heart, ears and sight * Your
wone's my heart; mine all's your dwelling-site:
Sweeter than honey is your name a-lip, * Running, as 'neath my
ribs runs vital sprite:
For Love hath made me as a tooth-pick[FN#368] lean * And drowned
in tears of sorrow and despight:
Let me but see you in my sleep, belike * Shall clear my cheeks of
tears that lovely sight."

Then a fourth recited the following couplets,

"Dumb is my tongue and scant my speech for thee * And Love the
direst torture gars me dree:
O thou full Moon, whose place is highest Heaven, * For thee but
double pine and pain in me."

And a fifth these,[FN#370]

"I love a moon of comely shapely form * Whose slender waist hath
title to complain:
Whose lip-dews rival must and long-kept wine; * Whose heavy
haunches haunt the minds of men:
My heart each morning burns with pain and pine * And the
night-talkers note I'm passion-slain;
While down my cheeks carnelian-like the tears * Of rosy red
shower down like railing rain."

And a sixth the following,

"O thou who shunnest him thy love misled! * O Branch of B n, O
star of highmost stead!
To thee of pine and passion I complain, * O thou who fired me
with cheeks rosyred.
Did e'er such lover lose his soul for thee, * Or from prostration
and from prayers fled?"

And a seventh these,

"He seized my heart and freed my tears to flow * Brought strength
to Love and bade my Patience go.
His charms are sweet as bitter his disdain; * And shafts of love
his suitors overthrow.
Stint blame, O blamer, and for past repent * None will believe
thee who dost Love unknow!"

And on like wise all the rest of the monks shed tears and
repeated verses. As for Danis, the Prior, weeping and wailing
redoubled on him, for that he found no way to her enjoyment, and
he chanted the following couplets[FN#371],

"My patience failed me when my lover went * And fled that day
mine aim and best intent.
O Guide o' litters lead their camels fair, * Haply some day
they'll deign with me to tent!
On parting-day Sleep parted from my lids * And grew my grieving
and my joy was shent.
I moan to Allah what for Love I dree'd * My wasted body and my
forces spent."

Then, despairing of her, they took counsel together and with one
mind agreed to fashion her image and set it up with them, and
applied themselves to this till there came to them the Destroyer
of delights and Severer of societies. Meanwhile, Zayn al-Mawasif
fared on, without ceasing, to find her lover Masrur, till she
reached her own house. She opened the doors, and entered; then
she sent to her sister Nasim, who rejoiced with exceeding joy at
the news of her return and brought her the furniture and precious
stuffs left in her charge. So she furnished the house and dressed
it, hanging the curtains over the doors and burning aloes-wood
and musk and ambergris and other essences till the whole place
recked with the most delightful perfumes: after which the
Adornment of Qualities donned her finest dress and decorations
and sat talking with her maids, whom she had left behind when
journeying, and related to them all that had befallen her first
and last. Then she turned to Hubub and giving her dirhams, bade
her fetch them something to eat. So she brought meat and drink
and when they had made an end of eating and drinking,[FN#372]
Zayn al-Mawasif bade Hubub go and see where Masrur was and how it
fared with him. Now he knew not of her return; but abode with
concern overcast and sorrow might not be overpast;--And Shahrazad
perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

When it was the Eight Hundred and Sixty-third Night,

She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when Zayn
al-Mawasif entered her house she was met by her sister Nasim who
brought her the furniture and stuffs wherewith she furnished the
place; and then she donned her finest dress. But Masrur knew
naught of her return and abode with concern overcast and sorrow
might not be overpast; no peace prevailed with him nor was
patience possible to him. Whenas pine and passion, desire and
distraction waxed on him, he would solace himself by reciting
verse and go to the house and set him its walls to buss. It
chanced that he went out that day to the place where he had
parted from his mistress and repeated this rare song,

"My wrongs hide I, withal they show to sight; * And now mine eyes
from sleep to wake are dight.
I cry when melancholy tries my sprite * Last not, O world nor
work more despight;
Lo hangs my soul 'twixt hardship and affright.
Were the Sultan hight Love but fair to me, * Slumber mine eyes'
companion were to me,
My Lords, some little mercy spare to me, * Chief of my tribe: be
debonnair to me,
Whom Love cast down, erst rich now pauper-wight!

Censors may blame thee but I look beyond * Mine ears I stop and
leave their lies unconned
And keep my pact wi' those I love so fond: * They say, 'Thou
lov'st a runaway!' I respond,
'Whist! whenas Fate descends she blinds the sight!'"

Then he returned to his lodging and sat there weeping, till sleep
overcame him, when he saw in a dream as if Zayn al-Mawasif were
come to the house, and awoke in tears. So he set off to go
thither, improvising these couplets,

"Shall I be consoled when Love hath mastered the secret of me *
And my heart is aglow with more than the charcoal's ardency?
I love her whose absence I plain before Allah for parting-stower
* And the shifts of the days and doom which allotted me
Destiny:
When shall our meeting be, O wish O' my heart and will? * O
favour of fullest Moon, when shall we Re-union see?"

As he made an end of his recitation, he found himself walking
adown in Zayn al-Mawasif's street and smelt the sweet savour of
the pastiles wherewithal she had incensed the house; wherefore
his vitals fluttered and his heart was like to leave his breast
and desire flamed up in him and distraction redoubled upon him;
when lo, and behold! Hubub, on her way to do her lady's errand
suddenly appeared at the head of the street and he rejoiced with
joy exceeding. When she saw him, she went up to him and saluting
him, gave him the glad news of her mistress's return, saying,
"She hath sent me to bid thee to her." Whereat he was glad
indeed, with gladness naught could exceed; and she took him and
returned with him to the house. When Zayn al-Mawasif saw him, she
came down to him from the couch and kissed him and he kissed her
and she embraced him and he embraced her; nor did they leave
kissing and embracing till both swooned away for stress of
affection and separation. They lay a long while senseless, and
when they revived, Zayn al-Mawasif bade Hubub fetch her a gugglet
of sherbet of sugar and another of sherbet of lemons. So she
brought what she desired and they sat eating and drinking nor
ceased before nightfall, when they fell to recalling all that had
befallen them from commencement to conclusion. Then she
acquainted him with her return to Al-Islam, whereat he rejoiced
and he also became a Moslem. On like wise did her women, and they
ail repented to Allah Almighty of their infidelity. On the morrow
she made send for the Kazi and the witnesses and told them that
she was a widow and had completed the purification period and was
minded to marry Masrur. So they drew up the wedding-contract
between them and they abode in all delight of life. Meanwhile,
the Jew, when the people of Adan released him from prison, set
out homewards and fared on nor ceased faring till he came within
three days' journey of the city. Now as soon as Zayn al-Mawasif
heard of his coming she called for her handmaid Hubub and said to
her, "Go to the Jews' burial-place and there dig a grave and
plant on it sweet basil and jessamine and sprinkle water
thereabout. If the Jew come and ask thee of me, answer, 'My
mistress died twenty days ago of chagrin on thine account.' If he
say, show me her tomb, take him to the grave and after weeping
over it and making moan and lament before him, contrive to cast
him therein and bury him alive."[FN#373] And Hubub answered, "I
hear and I obey." Then they laid up the furniture in the store
closets, and Zayn al-Mawasif removed to Masrur's lodging, where
he and she abode eating and drinking, till the three days were
past; at the end of which the Jew arrived and knocked at the door
of his house. Quoth Hubub, "Who's at the door?"; and quoth he,
"Thy master." So she opened to him and he saw the tears railing
down her cheeks and said, "What aileth thee to weep and where is
thy mistress?" She replied, "My mistress is dead of chagrin on
thine account." When he heard this, he was perplexed and wept
with sore weeping and presently said, "O Hubub, where is her
tomb?" So she carried him to the Jews' burial-ground and showed
him the grave she had dug; whereupon he shed bitter tears and
recited this pair of couplets,[FN#374]

"Two things there are, for which if eyes wept tear on tear * Of
blood, till they were like indeed to disappear,
They never could fulfil the Tithe of all their due: * And these
are prime of youth and loss of loveling dear."

Then he wept again with bitter tears and recited these also,

"Alack and Alas! Patience taketh flight: * And from parting of
friend to sore death I'm dight:
O how woeful this farness from dear one, and oh * How my heart is
rent by mine own unright!
Would Heaven my secret I erst had kept * Nor had told the pangs
and my liverblight:
I lived in all solace and joyance of life * Till she left and
left me in piteous plight:
O Zayn al-Mawasif, I would there were * No parting departing my
frame and sprite:
I repent me for troth-breach and blame my guilt * Of unruth to
her whereon hopes I built."

Pages:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32

Scottish book of the year goes to Kieron Smith, Boy by James Kelman

The barrister Constance Briscoe has won the libel case brought against her by her mother, Carmen Briscoe-Mitchell, over her bestselling misery memoir Ugly, in which she accused Briscoe-Mitchell of childhood cruelty and neglect.

Briscoe-Mitchell claimed the allegations were "a piece of fiction", and sued Briscoe and her publishers Hodder & Stoughton for libel.

A 10-day hearing at the high court in London concluded earlier today with a unanimous verdict from the jury after more than a day's deliberation. Speaking outside the court, Briscoe, a part-time judge, said she was "very happy" with the verdict.

"It is sad that my mother still feels the need to pursue me. Now I just want to get on with my career," she said. "I can quite understand why my family went into collective denial, but whilst child abuse may be committed behind closed doors, it should never be swept under the carpet."

The hearing saw Briscoe tell Mr Justice Tugendhat and a jury how her mother beat her with a stick for wetting the bed, called her a "dirty little whore" and drove her to attempt suicide by drinking bleach.

Briscoe's account of her upbringing was published in 2006 and has sold more than 400,000 copies in the UK.

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2008 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds

Would you have your ashes scattered in Jane Austen's garden?
American film producer to publish version of the Bible in which God says it is better to be gay than straight

The royal family doesn't need a poet

The power of Jane Austen never ceases to amaze: the myriad film and TV adaptations, the biopics, the spin-off self-help books, the novels about Austen book clubs and Austen obsessives and even, next spring, the publication of a book about "how Jane Austen conquered the world" (Jane's Fame, by Clare Harman). And now comes the just-too-weird story that deceased fans of Jane Austen have been banned from having their ashes scattered in her garden. In a letter to the Jane Austen Society, Louise West, the collections manager of Jane Austen's House Museum, wrote: "While we understand many admirers of Jane Austen would love to have ashes laid here, it is something we do not allow. It is distressing for visitors to see mounds of human ash, particularly so for our gardener. Also, it is of no benefit to the garden!" (Or is it? Surely a small quantity of fresh ashes judiciously placed beneath a hydrangea bush is just the ticket?)

Anyway, leaving aside the Gardeners' Question Time minutiae, what on earth is going on here? I like an Austen novel as much as the next person – I probably reread my way through the complete works every couple of years – but I am baffled as to why one would want to be laid to rest among the flowerbeds of Chawton. The only explanation is the currently unstoppable power of the Austen cult, fuelled by Colin Firth in a wet blouse, by Andrew Davies's adaptations, and by Hollywood. I'm all for enjoying books, but the cult of Austen has reached ridiculous proportions. In a post-feminist world that should know better, she seems to be adored as the comforting provider of romantic, happy-endings nonsense instead of the sharp and acerbic social satirist she deserves to be seen as.

(Does anyone actually believe her, by the way, when she foretells a happy marriage for Darcey and Elizabeth? I fear a woman as interesting as Elizabeth would be sorely disappointed with this standard-issue British Repressed Public-school Man - hopeless emotionally, and probably hopeless in bed.)

guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2008 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds

Copyright (c) 2007. booksboost.com. All rights reserved.