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The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, Volume 8 by Richard F. Burton

R >> Richard F. Burton >> The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night, Volume 8

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[FN#429] I again solicit the reader's attention to the
simplicity, the pathos and the beauty of this personification of
the lute.

[FN#430] "They" for she.

[FN#431] The Arabs very justly make the "'Andalib" =
nightingale, masculine.

[FN#432] Anwar = lights or flowers: See Night dccclxv. supra p.
270.

[FN#433] These couplets have occurred in vol. i. 168; so I quote
Mr. Payne.

[FN#434] i.e. You may have his soul but leave me his body:
company with him in the next world and let me have him in this.

[FN#435] Alluding to the Koranic (cxiii. 1.), "I take refuge
with the Lord of the Daybreak from the mischief of that which He
hath created, etc." This is shown by the first line wherein
occurs the Koranic word "Ghasik" (cxiii. 3) which may mean the
first darkness when it overspreadeth or the moon when it is
eclipsed.

[FN#436] "Malak" = level ground; also tract on the Nile sea.
Lane M.E. ii. 417, and Bruckhardt Nubia 482.

[FN#437] This sentiment has often been repeated.

[FN#438] The owl comes in because "Bum" (pron. boom) rhymes with
Kayyum = the Eternal.

[FN#439] For an incident like this see my Pilgrimmage (vol. i.
176). How true to nature the whole scene is; the fond mother
excusing her boy and the practical father putting the excuse
aside. European paternity, however, would probably exclaim, "The
beast's in liquor!"

[FN#440] In ancient times this seems to have been the universal
and perhaps instinctive treatment of the hand that struck a
father. By Nur al-Din's flight the divorce-oath became
technically null and void for Taj al-Din had sworn to mutilate
his son next morning.

[FN#441] So Roderic Random and his companions "sewed their money
between the lining and the waistband of their breeches, except
some loose silver for immediate expense on the road." For a
description of these purses see Pilgrimage i. 37.

[FN#442] Arab. Rashid (our Rosetta), a corruption of the Coptic
Trashit; ever famous for the Stone.

[FN#443] For a parallel passage in praise of Alexandria see vol.
i. 290, etc. The editor or scribe was evidently an Egyptian.

[FN#444] Arab. "Saghr" (Thagr), the opening of the lips showing
the teeth. See vol. i. p. 156.

[FN#445] Iskandariyah, the city of Iskandar or Alexander the
Great, whose "Soma" was attractive to the Greeks as the corpse of
the Prophet Daniel afterwards was to the Moslems. The choice of
site, then occupied only by the pauper village of Rhacotis, is
one proof of many that the Macedonian conqueror had the
inspiration of genius.

[FN#446] i.e. paid them down. See vol. i. 281; vol. ii. 145.

[FN#447] Arab. "Baltiyah," Sonnini's "Bolti" and Nebuleux
(because it is dozid-coloured when fried), the Labrus Niloticus
from its labra or large fleshy lips. It lives on the "leaves of
Paradise" hence the flesh is delicate and savoury and it is
caught with the epervier or sweep-net in the Nile, canals and
pools.

[FN#448] Arab. "Liyyah," not a delicate comparison, but
exceedingly apt besides rhyming to "Baltiyah." The cauda of the
"five-quarter sheep, whose tails are so broad and thick that
there is as much flesh upon them as upon a quarter of their
body," must not be confounded with the lank appendage of our
English muttons. See i. 25, Dr. Burnell's Linschoten (Hakluyt
Soc. 1885).

[FN#449] A variant occurs in vol. ix. 191.

[FN#450] Arab. "Tars Daylami," a small shield of bright metal.

[FN#451] Arab. "Kaukab al-durri," see Pilgrimage ii. 82.

[FN#452] Arab. "Kusuf" applied to the moon; Khusuf being the
solar eclipse.

[FN#453] May Abu Lahab's hands perish. . . and his wife be a
bearer of faggots!" Korau cxi. 184. The allusion is neat.

[FN#454] Alluding to the Angels who shoot down the Jinn. See
vol. i. 224. The index misprints "Shibah."

[FN#455] For a similar scene see Ali Shar and Zumurrud, vol. iv.
187.

[FN#456] i.e. of the girl whom as the sequel shows, her owner
had promised not to sell without her consent. This was and is a
common practice. See vol. iv. 192.

[FN#457] These lines have occurred in vol. iii. p. 303. I quote
Mr. Payne.

[FN#458] Alluding to the erectio et distensio penis which comes
on before dawn in tropical lands and which does not denote any
desire for women. Some Anglo-Indians term the symptom signum
salutis, others a urine-proud pizzle.

[FN#459] Arab. "Mohtasib," in the Maghrib "Mohtab," the officer
charged with inspecting weights and measures and with punishing
fraud in various ways such as nailing the cheat's ears to his
shop's shutter, etc.

[FN#460] Every where in the Moslem East the slave holds himself
superior to the menial freeman, a fact which I would impress upon
the several Anti-slavery Societies, honest men whose zeal mostly
exceeds their knowledge, and whose energy their discretion.

[FN#461] These lines, extended to three couplets, occur in vol.
iv. 193. I quote Mr. Payne.

[FN#462] "At this examination (on Judgment Day) Mohammedans also
believe that each person will have the book, wherein all the
actions of his life are written, delivered to him; which books
the righteous will receive in their right hand, and read with
great pleasure and satisfaction; but the ungodly will be obliged
to take them, against their wills, in their left (Koran xvii.
xviii. lxix, and lxxxiv.), which will be bound behind their
backs, their right hand being tied to their necks." Sale,
Preliminary Discourse; Sect. iv.

[FN#463] "Whiteness" (bayaz) also meaning lustre, honour.

[FN#464] This again occurs in vol. iv. 194. So I quote Mr.
Payne.

[FN#465] Her impudence is intended to be that of a captive
Princess.

[FN#466] i.e. bent groundwards.

[FN#467] See vol. iv. 192. In Marocco Za'ar is applied to a man
with fair skin, red hair and blue eyes (Gothic blood?) and the
term is not complimentary as "Sultan Yazid Za'ar."

[FN#468] The lines have occurred before (vol. iv. 194). I quote
Mr. Lane ii. 440. Both he and Mr. Payne have missed the point in
"ba'zu layali" a certain night when his mistress had left him so
lonely.

[FN#469] Arab. "Raat-hu." This apparently harmless word suggests
one simlar in sound and meaning which gave some trouble in its
day. Says Mohammed in the Koran (ii. 98) "O ye who believe! say
not (to the Apostle) Ra'ina (look at us) but Unzurna (regard
us)." "Ra'ina" as pronounced in Hebrew means "our bad one."

[FN#470] By reason of its leanness.

[FN#471] In the Mac. Edit. "Fifty." For a scene which
illustrates this mercantile transaction see my Pilgrimage i. 88,
and its deduction. "How often is it our fate, in the West as in
the East, to see in bright eyes and to hear from rosy lips an
implied, if not an expressed 'Why don't you buy me?' or, worse
still, 'Why can't you buy me?'"

[FN#472] See vol. ii. 165 dragging or trailing the skirts =
walking without the usual strut or swagger: here it means
assuming the humble manners of a slave in presence of the master.

[FN#473] This is the Moslem form of "boycotting": so amongst
early Christians they refused to give one another God-speed.
Amongst Hindus it takes the form of refusing "Hukkah (pipe) and
water" which practically makes a man an outcast. In the text the
old man expresses the popular contempt for those who borrow and
who do not repay. He had evidently not read the essay of Elia on
the professional borrower.

[FN#474] See note p. 273.

[FN#475] i.e. the best kind of camels.

[FN#476] This first verse has occurred three times.

[FN#477] Arab. "Surayya" in Dictionaries a dim. of Sarwa =
moderately rich. It may either denote abundance of rain or a
number of stars forming a constellation. Hence in Job (xxxviii.
31) it is called a heap (kimah).

[FN#478] Pleiads in Gr. the Stars whereby men sail.

[FN#479] This is the Eastern idea of the consequence of
satisfactory coition which is supposed to be the very seal of
love. Westerns have run to the other extreme.

[FN#480] "Al-Rif" simply means lowland: hence there is a Rif in
the Nile-delta. The word in Europe is applied chiefly to the
Maroccan coast opposite Gibraltar (not, as is usually supposed
the North-Western seaboard) where the Berber-Shilha race, so
famous as the "Rif pirates" still closes the country to
travellers.

[FN#481] i.e. Upper Egypt.

[FN#482] These local excellencies of coition are described
jocosely rather than anthropologically.

[FN#483] See vol. i. 223: I take from Torrens, p. 223.

[FN#484] For the complete ablution obligatory after copulation
before prayers can be said. See vol. vi. 199.

[FN#485] Arab. "Zunnar," the Greek {Greek letters}, for which,
see vol. ii. 215.

[FN#486] Miriam (Arabic Maryam), is a Christian name, in Moslem
lands. Abu Maryam "Mary's father" (says Motarrazi on Al-Hariri,
Ass. of Alexandria) is a term of contempt, for men are called
after sons (e.g. Abu Zayd), not after daughters. In more modern
authors Abu Maryam is the name of ushers and lesser officials in
the Kazi's court.

[FN#487] This formality, so contrary to our Western familiarity
after possession, is an especial sign of good breeding amongst
Arabs and indeed all Eastern nations. It reminds us of the "grand
manner" in Europe two hundred years ago, not a trace of which now
remains.

[FN#488] These lines are in Night i. ordered somewhat
differently: so I quote Torrens (p. 14).

[FN#489] i.e. to the return Salam--"And with thee be peace and
the mercy of Allah and His blessings!" See vol. ii. 146. The
enslaved Princess had recognised her father's Wazir and knew that
he could have but one object, which being a man of wit and her
lord a "raw laddie," he was sure to win.

[FN#490] It is quite in Moslem manners for the bystanders to
force the sale seeing a silly lad reject a most advantageous
offer for sentimental reasons. And the owner of the article would
be bound by their consent.

[FN#491] Arab. "Wa'llahi." "Bi" is the original particle of
swearing, a Harf al-jarr (governing the genitive as Bi'llahi) and
suggesting the idea of adhesion: "Wa" (noting union) is its
substitute in oath-formulae and "Ta" takes the place of Wa as
Ta'llahi. The three-fold forms are combined in a great "swear."

[FN#492] i.e. of divorcing their own wives.

[FN#493] These lines have occurred before: I quote Mr. Payne.

[FN#494] These lines are in Night xxvi., vol. i. 275: I quote
Torrens (p. 277), with a correction for "when ere."

[FN#495] This should be "draws his senses from him as one pulls
hair out of paste."

[FN#496] Raghib and Zahid: see vol. v. 141.

[FN#497] Carolus Magnus then held court in Paris; but the text
evidently alludes to one of the port-cities of Provence as
Marseille which we English will miscall Marseilles.

[FN#498] Here the writer, not the young wife, speaks; but as a
tale-teller he says "hearer"not "reader."

[FN#499] Kayrawan, the Arab. form of the Greek Cyrene which has
lately been opened to travellers and has now lost the mystery
which enschrouded it. In Hafiz and the Persian poets it is the
embodiment of remoteness and secrecy; as we till the last quarter
century spoke of the "deserts of Central Africa."

[FN#500] Arab. "'Innin": alluding to all forms of impotence,
from dislike, natural deficiency or fascination, the favourite
excuse. Easterns seldom attribute it to the true cause, weak
action of the heart; but the Romans knew the truth when they
described one of its symptoms as cold feet. "Clino-pedalis, ad
venerem invalidus, ab ea antiqua opinione, frigiditatem pedum
concubituris admondum officere." Hence St. Francis and the
bare-footed Friars. See Glossarium Eroticum Linguae Latinae,
Parisiis, Dondey-Dupre, MDCCCXXVI.

[FN#501] I have noted the use of "island" for "land" in general.
So in the European languages of the sixteenth century, insula was
used for peninsula, e.g. Insula de Cori = the Corean peninsula.

[FN#502] As has been noticed (vol. i. 333), the monocular is
famed for mischief and men expect the mischief to come from his
blinded eye.

[FN#503] Here again we have a specimen of "inverted speech"
(vol. ii. 265); abusive epithets intended for a high compliment,
signifying that the man was a tyrant over rebels and a froward
devil to the foe.

[FN#504] Arab. "Bab al-Bahr," see vol. iii. 281.

[FN#505] Arab. "Batarikah" see vol. ii. 89. The Templars,
Knights of Malta and other orders half ecclesiastic, half
military suggested the application of the term.

[FN#506] These lines have occurred in vol. i. 280--I quote
Torrens (p. 283).

[FN#507] Maryam al-Husn containing a double entendre, "O place
of the white doe (Rim) of beauty!" The girl's name was Maryam the
Arab. form of Mary, also applied to the B.V. by Eastern
Christians. Hence a common name of Syrian women is "Husn Maryam"
= (one endowed with the spiritual beauties of Mary: vol. iv. 87).
I do not think that the name was "manufactured by the Arab
story-tellers after the pattern of their own names (e.g. Nur
al-Din or Noureddin, light of the faith, Tajeddin, crown of
faith, etc.) for the use of their imaginary Christian female
characters."

[FN#508] I may here remind readers that the Ban, which some
Orientalists will write "Ben," is a straight and graceful species
of Moringa with plentiful and intensely green foliage.

[FN#509] Arab. "Amud al-Sawari" = the Pillar of Masts, which is
still the local name of Diocletian's column absurdly named by
Europeans "Pompey's Pillar."

[FN#510] Arab. "Batiyah," also used as a wine-jar (amphora), a
flagon.

[FN#511] Arab. "Al-Kursan," evidently from the Ital. "Corsaro,"
a runner. So the Port. "Cabo Corso," which we have corrupted to
"Cape Coast Castle" (Gulf of Guinea), means the Cape of Tacking.

[FN#512] Arab. "Ghurab," which Europeans turn to "Grab."

[FN#513] Arab. "Sayyib" (Thayyib) a rare word: it mostly applies
to a woman who leaves her husband after lying once with him.

[FN#514] Arab. "Batarikah:" here meaning knights, leaders of
armed men as in Night dccclxii., supra p. 256, it means "monks."

[FN#515] i.e. for the service of a temporal monarch.

[FN#516] Arab. "Sayr" = a broad strip of leather still used by
way of girdle amongst certain Christian religions in the East.

[FN#517] Arab. "Halawat al-Salamah," the sweetmeats offered to
friends after returning from a journey or escaping sore peril.
See vol. iv. 60.

[FN#518] So Eginhardt was an Erzcapellan and belonged to the
ghostly profession.

[FN#519] These lines are in vols. iii. 258 and iv. 204. I quote
Mr. Payne.

[FN#520] Arab. "Firasah," lit. = skill in judging of horse flesh
(Faras) and thence applied, like "Kiyafah," to physiognomy. One
Kari was the first to divine man's future by worldly signs
(Al-Maydani, Arab. prov. ii. 132) and the knowledge was
hereditary in the tribe Mashij.

[FN#521] Reported to be a "Hadis" or saying of Mohammed, to whom
are attributed many such shrewd aphorisms, e.g. "Allah defend us
from the ire of the mild (tempered)."

[FN#522] These lines are in vol. i. 126. I quote Torrens (p.
120).

[FN#523] These lines have occurred before. I quote Mr. Payne.

[FN#524] Arab. "Khak-bak," an onomatopoeia like our flip-flap
and a host of similar words. This profaning a Christian Church
which contained the relics of the Virgin would hugely delight the
coffee-house habitues, and the Egyptians would be equally
flattered to hear that the son of a Cairene merchant had made the
conquest of a Frankish Princess Royal. That he was an arrant
poltroon mattered very little, as his cowardice only set of his
charms.

[FN#525] i.e. after the rising up of the dead.

[FN#526] Arab. "Nafisah," the precious one i.e. the Virgin.

[FN#527] Arab. "Nakus," a wooden gong used by Eastern Christians
which were wisely forbidden by the early Moslems.

[FN#528] i.e. a graceful, slender youth.

[FN#529] There is a complicatd pun in this line: made by
splitting the word after the fashion of punsters. "Zarbu
'l-Nawakisi" = the striking of the gongs, and "Zarbu 'l Nawa,
Kisi = striking the departure signal: decide thou (fem. addressed
to the Nafs, soul or self)" I have attempted a feeble imitation.

[FN#530] The modern Italian term of the venereal finish.

[FN#531] Arab. "Najm al-Munkazzi," making the envious spy one of
the prying Jinns at whom is launched the Shihab or shooting-star
by the angels who prevent them listening at the gates of Heaven.
See vol. i. 224.

[FN#532] Arab. "Sanduk al-Nuzur," lit. "the box of vowed
oblations." This act of sacrilege would find high favour with the
auditory.

[FN#533] The night consisting like the day of three watches. See
vol. i.

[FN#534] Arab. "Al-Khaukhah," a word now little used.

[FN#535] Arab. "Namusiyah," lit. mosquito curtains.

[FN#536] Arab. "Jawawshiyah," see vol. ii. 49.

[FN#537] Arab. "Kayyimah," the fem. of "Kayyim," misprinted
"Kayim" in vol. ii. 93.

[FN#538] i.e. hadst thou not disclosed thyself. He has one great
merit in a coward of not being ashamed for his cowardice; and
this is a characteristic of the modern Egyptian, whose proverb
is, "He ran away, Allah shame him! is better than, He was slain,
Allah bless him!"

[FN#539] Arab. "Ahjar al-Kassarin" nor forgotten. In those days
ships anchored in the Eastern port of Alexandria which is now
wholly abandoned on account of the rocky bottom and the dangerous
"Levanter," which as the Gibraltar proverb says

"Makes the stones canter."

[FN#540] Arab. "Hakk" = rights, a word much and variously used.
To express the possessive "mine" a Badawi says "Hakki" (pron.
Haggi) and "Lili;" a Syrian "Shiti" for Shayyati, my little thing
or "taba 'i" my dependent; an Egyptian "Bita' i" my portion and a
Maghribi "M'ta 'i" and "diyyali" (di allazi li = this that is to
me). Thus "mine" becomes a shibboleth.

[FN#541] i.e. The "Good for nothing," the "Bad'un;" not some
forgotten ruffian of the day, but the hero of a tale antedating
The Nights in their present form. See Terminal Essay, x. ii.

[FN#542] i.e. Hoping to catch Nur al-Din.

[FN#543] Arab. "Sawwahun" = the Wanderers, Pilgrims, wandering
Arabs, whose religion, Al-Islam, so styled by its Christain
opponents. And yet the new creed was at once accepted by whole
regions of Christians, and Mauritania, which had rejected Roman
paganism and Gothic Christianity. This was e.g. Syria and the
so-called "Holy Land," not because, as is fondly asserted by
Christians, al-Islam was forced upon them by the sword, but on
account of its fulfilling a need, its supplying a higher belief,
unity as opposed to plurality, and its preaching a more manly
attitude of mind and a more sensible rule of conduct. Arabic
still preserves a host of words special to the Christian creed;
and many of them have been adopted by Moslems but with changes of
signification.

[FN#544] i.e. of things commanded and things prohibited. The
writer is thinking of the Koran in which there are not a few
abrogated injunctions.

[FN#545] See below for the allusion.

[FN#546] Arab. "Kafra" = desert place. It occurs in this
couplet,

"Wa Kabrun Harbin fii-makaanin Kafrin;
Wa laysa Kurba Kabri Harbin Kabrun."
"Harb's corse is quartered in coarse wold accurst;
Nor close to corse of Harb is other corse;--"

words made purposely harsh because uttered by a Jinni who killed
a traveller named "Harb."
So Homer:--

"{Greek letters}."

and Pope:--

"O'er hills, o'er dales, o'er crags, o'er rocks they go, etc."

See Preface (p. v.) to Captain A. Lockett's learned and whimsical
volume, "The Muit Amil" etc. Calcutta, 1814.

[FN#547] These lines have occurred vol. iv. 267. I quote Mr.
Lane.

[FN#548] The topethesia is here designedly made absurd.
Alexandria was one of the first cities taken by the Moslems (A.H.
21 = 642) and the Christian pirates preferred attacking weaker
places, Rosetta and Damietta.

[FN#549] Arab. "Bilad al-Rum," here and elsewhere applied to
France.

[FN#550] Here the last line of p. 324, vol. iv. in the Mac.
Edit. is misplaced and belongs to the next page.

[FN#551] Arab. "Akhawan shikikan" = brothers german (of men and
beasts) born of one father and mother, sire and dam.

[FN#552] "The Forerunner" and "The Overtaker," terms borrowed
from the Arab Epsom.

[FN#553] Known to us as "the web and pin," it is a film which
affects Arab horses in the damp hot regions of Malabar and
Zanzibar and soon blinds them. This equine cataract combined with
loin-disease compels men to ride Pegu and other ponies.

[FN#554] Arab. "Zujaj bikr" whose apparent meaning would be
glass in the lump and unworked. Zaj aj bears, however, the
meaning of clove-nails (the ripe bud of the clove-shrub) and may
possibly apply to one of the manifold "Alfaz Adwiyh" (names of
drugs). Here, however, pounded glass would be all sufficient to
blind a horse: it is much used in the East especially for dogs
affected by intestinal vermicules.

[FN#555] Alluding to the Arab saying "The two rests"
(Al-rahatani) "certainty of success or failure," as opposed to
"Wiswas" when the mind fluctuates in doubt.

[FN#556] She falls in love with the groom, thus anticipating the
noble self-devotion of Miss Aurora Floyd.

[FN#557] Arab. "Tufan" see vol. v. 156: here it means the
"Deluge of Noah."

[FN#558] Two of the Hells. See vol. v. 240.

[FN#559] Lit. "Out upon a prayer who imprecated our parting!"

[FN#560] The use of masculine for feminine has frequently been
noted. I have rarely changed the gender or the number the plural
being often employed for the singular (vol. i. 98). Such change
may avoid "mystification and confusion" but this is the very
purpose of the substitution which must be preserved if "local
colour" is to be respected.






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Scottish book of the year goes to Kieron Smith, Boy by James Kelman

The barrister Constance Briscoe has won the libel case brought against her by her mother, Carmen Briscoe-Mitchell, over her bestselling misery memoir Ugly, in which she accused Briscoe-Mitchell of childhood cruelty and neglect.

Briscoe-Mitchell claimed the allegations were "a piece of fiction", and sued Briscoe and her publishers Hodder & Stoughton for libel.

A 10-day hearing at the high court in London concluded earlier today with a unanimous verdict from the jury after more than a day's deliberation. Speaking outside the court, Briscoe, a part-time judge, said she was "very happy" with the verdict.

"It is sad that my mother still feels the need to pursue me. Now I just want to get on with my career," she said. "I can quite understand why my family went into collective denial, but whilst child abuse may be committed behind closed doors, it should never be swept under the carpet."

The hearing saw Briscoe tell Mr Justice Tugendhat and a jury how her mother beat her with a stick for wetting the bed, called her a "dirty little whore" and drove her to attempt suicide by drinking bleach.

Briscoe's account of her upbringing was published in 2006 and has sold more than 400,000 copies in the UK.

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Would you have your ashes scattered in Jane Austen's garden?
American film producer to publish version of the Bible in which God says it is better to be gay than straight

The royal family doesn't need a poet

The power of Jane Austen never ceases to amaze: the myriad film and TV adaptations, the biopics, the spin-off self-help books, the novels about Austen book clubs and Austen obsessives and even, next spring, the publication of a book about "how Jane Austen conquered the world" (Jane's Fame, by Clare Harman). And now comes the just-too-weird story that deceased fans of Jane Austen have been banned from having their ashes scattered in her garden. In a letter to the Jane Austen Society, Louise West, the collections manager of Jane Austen's House Museum, wrote: "While we understand many admirers of Jane Austen would love to have ashes laid here, it is something we do not allow. It is distressing for visitors to see mounds of human ash, particularly so for our gardener. Also, it is of no benefit to the garden!" (Or is it? Surely a small quantity of fresh ashes judiciously placed beneath a hydrangea bush is just the ticket?)

Anyway, leaving aside the Gardeners' Question Time minutiae, what on earth is going on here? I like an Austen novel as much as the next person – I probably reread my way through the complete works every couple of years – but I am baffled as to why one would want to be laid to rest among the flowerbeds of Chawton. The only explanation is the currently unstoppable power of the Austen cult, fuelled by Colin Firth in a wet blouse, by Andrew Davies's adaptations, and by Hollywood. I'm all for enjoying books, but the cult of Austen has reached ridiculous proportions. In a post-feminist world that should know better, she seems to be adored as the comforting provider of romantic, happy-endings nonsense instead of the sharp and acerbic social satirist she deserves to be seen as.

(Does anyone actually believe her, by the way, when she foretells a happy marriage for Darcey and Elizabeth? I fear a woman as interesting as Elizabeth would be sorely disappointed with this standard-issue British Repressed Public-school Man - hopeless emotionally, and probably hopeless in bed.)

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