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A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Vol. VI by Robert Dodsley

R >> Robert Dodsley >> A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Vol. VI

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FRAUD.
No, not dwell with such a beggar as Conscience.

SIMPLICITY.
No, Fraud ne'er lov'd Conscience, since he was an ostler.

USURY.
Who cares for Conscience but dies a beggar?

SIMPLICITY.
That will not Usury do: he will first take threescore pound
in the hundred.

DISSIMULATION.
Love, look on me, and I will give thee clothes.

LOVE.
I will no more by thee be so disguised.

SIMPLICITY.
Ye do the wiser, for his face looks like a cloak-back.

DISSIMULATION.
In thy affections I had once a place.

LOVE.
Those fond affections wrought me foul disgrace.

DISSIMULATION.
I'll make amends, if ought amiss were done.

LOVE.
Who once are burn'd, the fire will ever shun.

DISSIMULATION.
And yet once burn'd to warm again may prove.

LOVE.
Not at thy fire; I will be perfect Love.

SIMPLICITY.
I promise you, the wenches have learn'd to answer wittily.
Here's many fair proffers to Lucre and Love,
But who clothes poor Conscience? she may sit long enough.

USURY.
I will clothe her straight.

[USURY _takes_ FRAUD'S _cloak, and casts it on_ CONSCIENCE.

SIMPLICITY.
Will you, Master Usury? that's honestly spoke.
Ha! that's no gramercy to clothe her with another man's cloak;
But I see you have a craft in the doing, Master Usury:
Usury covers Conscience with Fraud's cloak very cunningly.

CONSCIENCE.
Alas! who loads my shoulders with this heavy weed?
Fie! how it stinks: this is perfum'd indeed.

FRAUD.
Marry, gup, Goody Conscience! indeed I do you wrong,
But I'll quickly right it; my cloak shall not cumber you long.

USURY.
All this while Lucre knows not I am here,
But now will I to her; mark how I speed!
Lady, the fairest that Nature ever form'd,
Loadstone of love, that draws affection's darts,
The only object of all humane eyes,
And sole desired dainty of the world,
Thy vassal here, a virtue in thy need,
Whom thou by licence of the law may'st use,
Tenders himself and all his services
To do thy will in duty as 'tofore,
Glad of thy freedom as his proper life.

SIMPLICITY.
Lady Lucre, you love an apple: take heed the caterpillar consume
not your fruit.

LUCRE.
Who is it that maketh this latest suit?

SIMPLICITY.
'Tis Usury. [_Aloud in her ear_.

LUCRE.
Great is the service he hath done for me;
But, Usury, now I may not deal with thee.

USURY.
The law allows me, madam, in some sort.

CONSCIENCE.
But God and I would have thy bounds cut short.

USURY.
For you I reck not; but if God me hate,
Why doth the law allow me in some rate?

CONSCIENCE.
Usury slanders both law and state.
The law allows not, though it tolerate,
And thou art sure be shut out at heaven-gate.

USURY.
You were ever nice: no matter what you prate.

SIMPLICITY.
Then it will be with him, as it is with a great man's house in
dinner-time! he that knocks, when the door is shut, comes too late.

LUCRE.
Well, Usury, Fraud, and Simony,
Dissimulation, hearken unto me.
My tongue (although in memory it be green)
Cannot declare what horrors I have seen;
Ne can it enter into mortal ears
Unmortified: the furies' fires and fears,
The shrieks, the groans, the tortures, and the pains,
That any soul for each of you sustains--
No pen can write, how Conscience hath me scourg'd,
When with your faults my soul she ever urg'd:
Arithmetic doth fail to number all
The plagues of Sorrow in the den of thrall.
Then tempt me not, nor trouble me no more;
I must not use you as I did before.
If you be found within fair London's gate,
You must to prison, whence we came of late.
Conscience will accuse ye, if ye be in sight.

FRAUD.
That scurvy Conscience works us all the spite.

_Enter_ NEMO.

USURY.
Well, Lucre, yet in thee we have delight.

DISSIMULATION.
Yonder come some: we must take our flight.

[_Exeunt_ OMNES.

SIMPLICITY.
Birds of a feather will fly together; but when they be taken,
then are they baken.
Yonder comes a customer: I'll to my stall.
Love, Lucre, and Conscience, blindman-buff to you all.

NEMO.
Conscience, Love, Lucre, ladies all, what cheer?
How do ye like the seats you sit upon?

CONSCIENCE.
O pure unspotted Nemo, sole paragon
Of Love, of Conscience and perfection;
The marble of remorse I sit upon
Sweats scalding drops, like bitter brinish tears.

NEMO.
So should remorse, when Conscience feels her guilt.
But, gentle Love, how feelest thou thy flint?

LOVE.
O, sharp and cold: I freeze unto my seat:
The flint holds fire, and yet I feel no heat.
But am benumb'd and frozen every joint.

NEMO.
O Love, so cold is charity in these times.
Lucre, how sit you?

LUCRE.
Upon a heavy stone, not half so cold, not half so hot as theirs,
But of some secret power, for I do find and sensibly feel,
That I from it exhale an earthly cold,
And it from me doth draw a kindly heat.

NEMO.
Such force hath care of Lucre in itself
To cool the heart and draw the vital spirits;
And such the true condition of you three;
Remorse of Conscience, Charity of Love,
And Care of Lucre; such your uses be.
But, ladies, now your sorrow lay aside:
Frolic, fair dames; an unexpected good
Is imminent through me unto you all.
Three lords there be, your native countrymen,
In London bred, as you yourselves have been,
Which covet you for honourable wives,
And presently will come to visit you.
Be not abashed at your base attire,
I shall provide you friends to deck you all.
If I command, stand up, else sit you still.
Lo, where they come.

_Enter the three Lords_.

My lords, the dames be here.

POLICY.
Why are they wimpled?[257] Shall they not unmask them?

NEMO.
It is for your sake; for Policy they do it.

POMP.
Much may their fortune and their feature be,
But what it is we cannot thus discern.

NEMO.
You shall in time. Lord Pomp; be yet content.

PLEASURE.
Their fame is more than cause or reason would.
May one of these be Pleasure's paragon?

NEMO.
Pleasure, be pleas'd and use no prejudice.
Mesdames, stand up. Mislike not their attire;
That shall be mended as yourselves desire.

POLICY.
Their port and their proportion well contents.

POMP.
Right stately dames, if they were well attir'd.

PLEASURE.
May we not see their beauty, what it is?

NEMO.
Yes, lordings, yes. Lucre, lift up thy veil.

POLICY.
Of beauty excellent!

POMP.
Of rare perfection!

PLEASURE.
A dainty face!

NEMO.
Unmask, Love.

POLICY.
Sweet Love indeed!

POMP.
A lovely face!

PLEASURE.
A gallant grace!

NEMO.
Conscience, uncover.

POLICY.
Beauty divine!

POMP.
A face angelical!

PLEASURE.
Sweet creature of the world!

NEMO.
Enough for once; ladies, sit down again.
As cunning chapmen do by curious wares,
[_To the audience_.
Which seldom shown do most inflame the mind,
So must I deal, being dainty of these dames,
Who seldom seen shall best allure these lords.
Awhile, my lords, I leave you with these three:
Converse, confer on good conditions.
I will right soon return with such good friends
As it concerns to clothe these dainty ones.
If any in my absence visit them,
Know their intent, and use your skill therein.
[_Exit_.

POLICY.
Ladies, to call to mind your former lives,
Were to recount your sorrows on a row.
Omitting, then, what you have been or be,
What you may be I'll speak, so it please you;
Wives to us three, ladies to London lords,
Pomp, Pleasure, Policy, men of such regard,
As shall you guard from evil, once matched with us:
And Policy presents this good to you.

POMP.
With London's Pomp may one of you be join'd,
Possessing more than Fortune can afford:
Fortune's a fool, but heavenly providence
Guards London's Pomp and her that shall be his.

PLEASURE.
And London's Pleasure, peerless in delights,
Will deign to make one of these dames his own,
Who may with him in more contentment live,
Than ever did the Queen of Oethiop.

CONSCIENCE.
Though silence, lords, our modesty enforce,
Nemo can tell the secrets of our thoughts:
Nemo, that womens' minds can constant keep,
He shall for us you answer, good my lords.
I speak for all, though ill-beseeming me.

_Enter_ FALSEHOOD _and_ DOUBLE-DEALING.

POLICY.
You speak but well. My lords, step we aside
To note these fellows, what they do intend.

_Enter_ NEMO.

POMP.
Nemo can tell, for he doth follow them.

FALSEHOOD.
Ladies, to you--to some of you--we come,
Sent from such friends as much affect your good,
With garments and with compliments of cost,
Accordant well to dames of such degree--
I come to Lucre.

DOUBLE-DEALING.
I to Love am sent,
With no less cost than could be got for coin,
Which with my message I deliver would,
Could I discern which of these dames were she.

LOVE.
Friend, I am Love: what bringest thou there to me?

CONSCIENCE.
Beware, good Love, from whom, and what, thou takest.

NEMO.
No whispering, friend, but show it openly:
The matter good, you need not be ashamed.
From whom comest thou?

DOUBLE-DEALING.
That I conceal from any but from Love.

NEMO.
From whom come you, sir?

FALSEHOOD.
That shall Lucre know, and none but she.

NEMO.
Then speak aloud, for whispering here is barr'd.

FALSEHOOD.
Then neither will I do, nor speak at all.

NEMO.
Then I will speak, and tell what you are both.
Thyself art Falsehood, and are sent from Fraud,
To compass Lucre with a cloak of craft,
With lawn of lies, and cauls of golden guile.

POLICY.
Pack you, my friend; for if you stay a while,
You shall return no more to him that sent you.

NEMO.
Thou from Dissimulation art sent,
And bring'st a gown of glosing, lin'd with lust,
A vardingale[258] of vain boast and fan of flattery,
A ruff of riot and a cap of pride;
And Double-dealing is thy name and office both.

DOUBLE-DEALING:
Falsehood, let's go: we are deciphered.

FALSEHOOD.
Lucre, thou losest here a princely gift.

[_Exeunt ambo_.

NEMO.
Lucre consumes, being won by Fraud or shift.
Thus, lords, you see how these are qualified,
And how these ladies shun that sharp rebuke,
Which some deserve by taking of such toys,
As women weak are tempted soon with gifts.
But here they come, that must these ladies deck.
Lucre, arise; come from the stone of Care.

_Enter_ HONEST INDUSTRY, PURE ZEAL, _and_ SINCERITY.

HONEST INDUSTRY.
Fair Lucre, lo, what Honest Industry
To thee hath brought, to deck thy dainty self.
Lucre, by Honest Industry achiev'd,
Shall prosper, nourish, and continue long.
Come to thy chamber, to attire thee there.

NEMO.
Thou mayest depart with Honest Industry.

[_Exit_ LUCRE _with_ HONEST INDUSTRY.

PURE ZEAL.
And, Love, arise from Charity's cold flint:
Pure Zeal hath purchas'd robes to cover Love.
Whiles Love is single, Zeal shall her attire,
With kind affection mortifying lust.
Come, Love, with me these garments to put on.

NEMO.
Love, follow Zeal, and take his ornaments.

[_Exit_ LOVE _with_ PURE ZEAL.

SINCERITY.
Rise, Conscience, from that marble of Remorse,
That weeping stone that scalds thy parched skin:
Sincerity such robes for thee hath brought,
As best beseems good Conscience to adorn.
Come, follow, that thou may'st go put them on;
For Conscience, clothed by Sincerity,
Is armed well against the enemy.

NEMO.
Follow him, Conscience: fear not; thou art right.

[_Exit_ CONSCIENCE _with_ SINCERITY.

POLICY.
Most reverend Nemo, thanks for this good sight.
Lucre is clothed by Honest Industry.

POMP.
Love by Pure Zeal.

PLEASURE.
And Conscience by Sincerity.

NEMO.
Lordings, thus have you seen them at the first,
And thus you see them, trust me, at the worst.
Depart we now: come hence a day or two,
And see them deck'd as dainty ladies should,
And make such choice as may content you all.

POLICY.
Thanks, righteous Nemo. We, the London lords,
Only to thee ourselves acknowledge bound.

[_Exeunt omnes_.

_Enter_ PAINFUL PENURY _and_ SIMPLICITY.

PENURY.
Come on, gentle husband; let us lay our heads together, our purses
together, and our reckonings together, to see whether we win or lose,
thrive or not, go forward or backward. Do you keep a book or a score?

SIMPLICITY.
A score, wife? you mean for the alehouse, do you not?
I would have her examine me thereof no further, for I am in too far
there, more than I would she should know. [_Aside_.

PENURY.
I mean no alehouse-score, but a note of your wares. Let me see: first
you began to set up with a royal. How much money have ye? What ware,
and what gain?

SIMPLICITY.
I have five shillings in money, two shillings in wares, or thereabout,
and I owe two shillings and eightpence upon the score; how much is
that? Five shillings, two shillings, and two shillings and eightpence?

PENURY.
That is nine shillings and eightpence: so we are worse by a groat than
when we began. Well, once again I'll set ye up: here is four groats I
have got by bearing water this week: make up your stock, and run no more
behind. Who comes here?

_Enter_ FRAUD, _like [a foreign] artificer_.

SIMPLICITY.
What lack ye? What do ye lack?

FRAUD.
Me lack-a de monish pour de feene--very feene--French knack, de feene
gold button, de brave bugla lace, a de feene gold ring-a. You be free
man, me un' foreigner: you buy a me ware, you gain teene pownd by lay
out teene shellengs.

SIMPLICITY.
Wife, what hard luck have we, that cannot make ten shillings now to
gain ten pound. Why, ten pound would set us up for ever.

PENURY.
Husband, see the ware; and if ten shilling will buy it, it shall go
hard but we will make that money. Friend, show my husband your wares.

FRAUD.
Look you dere, mastra, de feene buttoon de la gold, de ring-a de gold,
de bugla shean: two shelleng un doozen de buttoon, un shelleng-a un
ring. 'Tis worth ten shelleng, but, mastra and mastressa, me muss a make
money to go over in my own countrey, but me lose teen pound pour hast to
go next tide, or to-morrow.

PENURY.
Here is five shillings; buy them of this stranger.

SIMPLICITY.
Friend, you have not stolen them, but you make them? Well, I'll buy
them in the open market, and then I care not; here is ten shillings;
deliver me the wares.

FRAUD.
Dere, mastra! O, pover necessity mak a me sell pour grand, grand loss:
you shall gain ten pound at least. Go'boy[259].

SIMPLICITY.
What's your name?

FRAUD.
Merchant, I think I am even with ye now for calling me ostler.
You'll thrive well with such bargains, if ye buy, ye know not what.
Fraud hath fitted you with worse than your ballads. [_Aside_.

PENURY.
You'll warrant them gold, sirrah?

FRAUD.
Oui; so good gol' as you pay for. [_Aside_.]
Adieu, mounsier.
[_Exit_.

SIMPLICITY.
Adieu, mounsier. Adieu, fool: sell such gold buttons and rings for so
little money. Good Lord! what pennyworths these strangers can afford.
Now, wife, let me see: ten pound! when we have ten pound, we'll have
a large shop, and sell all manner of wares, and buy more of these,
and get ten pound more, and then ten pound, and ten pound, and twenty
pound. Then thou shalt have a taffata hat and a guarded gown, and I a
gown and a new cap, and a silk doublet, and a fair hose[260].

PENURY.
I thank ye, husband. Well, till then look well to your wares, and I'll
ply my waterbearing, and save and get, and get and save, till we be
rich. But bring these wares home every night with ye.

SIMPLICITY.
Tush! I shall sell them afore night for ten pounds. Gow, wife, gow;
I may tell you[261], I am glad this French fellow came with these
wares: we had fall'n to examining the ale-score else, and then we had
fall'n out, and the ale-wife and my wife had scolded. [_Aside_.] Well,
a man may see, he that's ordained to be rich shall be rich: gow, woman.

[_Exeunt_.

_Enter_ NEMO _and the three_ LORDS _as though they had been chiding_.

NEMO.
From whence, good lords, grew this hot argument?

POLICY.
Thou knowest already; yet, if thou wilt hear,
For this we strive: fond Pleasure makes account,
Summing his bills without an auditor[262],
That Lady Lucre ought of right be his.

PLEASURE.
So I affirm, and so I will maintain,
That Pleasure ought by right Dame Lucre have,
To bear the charge of sports and of delights.

POMP.
Nay, to support the haughty magnificence
And lordly Pomp of London's excellence
Befits it rather Lucre join with me,
By whom her honour shall be more advanced.

POLICY.
More fit for Pomp than Pleasure; but most fit
That Policy with Lucre should be matched,
As guerdon of my studies and my cares,
And high employments in the commonwealth.

PLEASURE.
What pleasure can be fostered without cost?

POMP.
What pomp or port without respect of gain?

POLICY.
What policy without preferment lives?

PLEASURE.
Pleasure must have Lucre.

POMP.
Pomp hath need of Lucre.

POLICY.
Policy merits Lucre.

PLEASURE.
Pleasure dies without Lucre.

POMP.
Pomp decays without Lucre.

POLICY.
Policy droops without Lucre.

NEMO.
Thus, lords, you show your imperfections,
Subject to passions, straining honour's bounds.
Be well-advis'd: you promised to be rul'd,
And have those dames by me disposed to you,
But since I see that human humours oft
Makes men forgetful of their greater good,
Be here a while: Dame Lucre shall be brought
By me to choose which lord she liketh best,
So you allow her choice with patience.

PLEASURE.
Go: we abide thy doom till thy return. [_Exit_.

POMP.
If Lucre be not mad, she will be mine.

POLICY.
If she regard her good, she will be mine.

PLEASURE.
If she love happy life, she will be mine:
Women love Pleasure.

POMP.
Women love Pomp.

POLICY.
Women use Policy: and here she comes that must decide the doubt.

_Enter_ NEMO, _with_ CONSCIENCE _all in white_.

NEMO.
Conscience, content thee with a quaint conceit:
Conceal thy name to work a special good.
Thou art not known to any of these lords
By face or feature: till they hear thy name,
Which must be Lucre for a fine device,
And Conscience clear indeed's the greatest gain. [_Aside_.
Lo, lordings, here fair Lucre whom ye love.
Lucre, the choice is left unto thyself,
Which of these three thou wilt for husband choose.

CONSCIENCE.
The modesty that doth our sex beseem
Forbids my tongue therein to tell my thought;
But may it please my lords to pardon me,
Which of you three shall deign to make such choice,
Him shall I answer to his own content.

POLICY.
If Lucre please to match with Policy,
She shall be mistress over many men.

POMP.
If Lucre like to match with London's Pomp,
In stately port all others she shall pass.

PLEASURE.
If Pleasure may for wife fair Lucre gain,
Her life shall be an earthly paradise.

NEMO.
Lo, Lucre! men, and port, and pleasant life,
Are here propounded. Which wilt thou accept?

CONSCIENCE.
Lord Policy, Love were the only choice,
Methinks, for you, that all your cares employ,
And studies for the love of commonwealth.
For you, Lord Pleasure, Conscience were a wife
To measure your delights by reason's rule:
In recreation Conscience' help to use.

PLEASURE.
Were Conscience half so sweet as is thyself,
Her would I seek with suits and services.

NEMO.
No less accomplished in perfection
Is Conscience than this lady, I protest.

PLEASURE.
But on this dame hath Pleasure fix'd his heart,
And this or death the period of his love.

CONSCIENCE.
Lucre with Pomp most aptly might combine.

PLEASURE.
Lucre or Love, if case thou wilt be mine,
Let pass thy name: thyself do I desire.
Thee will I have, except thyself deny;
With thee to live, or else for thee to die.

NEMO.
What, if I deny?

PLEASURE.
Then will I have her.

POLICY.
If we deny?

PLEASURE.
So much the rather.

POMP.
The rather in despite of us? Not so.

NEMO.
My lords, no quarrel: let this lady go;
And if ye trust me, I'll content ye both.
Pleasure, this is not Lucre.

PLEASURE.
She's Lucre unto me;
But be she Love or Conscience, this is she--

POLICY.
--whom you will have?

PLEASURE.
Spite of the devil, I will.

CONSCIENCE.
Must it not be, my lord, if I agree?

PLEASURE.
Agree.

CONSCIENCE.
Some further proof of it fits[263] you to see.

PLEASURE.
Receive in[264] pawn my heart, my hand, and oath
To be thy own in love, in faith, and troth.

CONSCIENCE.
Thus you are fast, and yet myself am free.

PLEASURE.
I know in ruth thou wilt not me refuse.

CONSCIENCE.
I know not that; but other I'll not choose.

NEMO.
It is enough: Lord Pleasure, do not fear:
Conscience will use you as becomes her best.

PLEASURE.
And art thou Conscience? welcomer to me
Than either Love or Lucre.

CONSCIENCE.
God send grace I be!

NEMO. [_Addressing_ POMP _and_ POLICY.]
My lords, be pleas'd: ere long shall you be sped,
As much to your contents as Pleasure is.
Say but the word, myself shall soon present
Lucre and Love, well worthy such as you.

POLICY.
Right thankfully those favours we'll receive.

_Enter_ DILIGENCE _in haste_.

DILIGENCE.
My lords, if your affairs in present be not great,
Greater than any, save regard of life,
Yea, even the greatest of the commonwealth,
Prepare ye to withstand a stratagem,
Such as this land nor London ever knew.
The Spanish forces[265], lordings, are prepar'd
In bravery and boast beyond all bounds,
T'invade, to win, to conquer all this land.
They chiefly aim at London's stately Pomp,
At London's Pleasure, Wealth, and Policy,
Intending to despoil her of them all,
And over all these lovely ladies three,
Love, Lucre, Conscience, of the rarest price[266],
To tyrannise and carry hardest hand.
From Spain they come with engine and intent
To slay, subdue, to triumph and torment:
Myself (so heaven would) espial of them had,
And Diligence, dear lords, they call my name.
If you vouchsafe to credit my report,
You do me right, and to yourselves no wrong,
Provided that you arm you, being warn'd.

POLICY.
Diligence, thy service shall be knowen,
And well rewarded. Nemo, for a time
Conceal this dame, and live secure, unseen;
Let us alone, whom most it doth concern,
To meet and match our overweening foes.

POMP.
Nemo, keep close, and Conscience, pray for us.
Begone, and recommend us to our God.

CONSCIENCE.
My lords, if ever, show your honours now.
Those proud, usurping Spanish tyrants come,
To reave from you what most you do regard:
To take away your credit and your fame:
To raze and spoil our right-renowned town;
And if you Love or Lucre do regard,
Or have of Conscience any kind of care,
The world shall witness by this action;
And of the love that you to us pretend,
In this your valour shall assurance give.
More would I speak, but danger's in delay:
You know my mind, and heavens record my thoughts,
Which[267] I with prayers for you will penetrate,
And will in heart be present in your fight.
Now, Pleasure, show what you will do for me.

PLEASURE.
I will be turn'd to Pain for thy sweet sake.

POLICY.
Fair Conscience, fear not, but assure thyself,
What kind affection we soever bear
To Love and Lucre in this action,
Chiefly for thee our service shall be done.

POMP.
For Conscience' sake more than for Lucre now.

POLICY.
For Love and Conscience, not despising Lucre.

PLEASURE.
Only for Conscience will I hazard all.

NEMO.
And I from hence will her convey a space,
Till you return with happy victory.

CONSCIENCE.
Farewell, my lords: for me, my lords, for me!

[_Exeunt_ NEMO _and_ CONSCIENCE.

POLICY.
Diligence, what number may there be?

DILIGENCE.
A mighty host, and chiefly led by three,
Who brave it out in show, as men assured
Of victory, sans venture or repulse.

POLICY.
How near be they?

DILIGENCE.
So near, my lords, that each delay is death.
Stand on your guard: they come as challengers
To bruise your shields and bear away your prize,
Mounting the seas, and measuring the land
With strong imaginations of success.

POLICY.
Well, Diligence, go get in readiness
Men and munition: bid our pages ply,
To see that all our furniture be well:
Wit, Wealth, and Will to further wars be fit.
[_Exit_ DILIGENCE.
My lords, I would I might advise ye now
To Carry, as it were, a careless regard
Of these Castilians and their accustomed bravado.
Lord Pomp, let nothing that's magnifical,
Or that may tend to London's graceful state,
Be unperform'd; as shows and solemn feasts,
Watches in armour, triumphs, cresset-lights[268],
Bonfires, bells, and peals of ordnance.
And, Pleasure, see that plays be published,
May-games and masques, with mirth and minstrelsy,
Pageants and school-feasts, bears and puppet plays.
Myself will muster upon Mile-end Green,
As though we saw, and fear'd not to be seen;
Which will their spies in such a wonder set,
To see us reck so little such a foe,
Whom all the world admires, save only we.
And we respect our sport more than his spite.
That John the Spaniard will in rage run mad,
To see us bend like oaks with his vain breath.

POMP.
In this device such liking I conceive,
As London shall not lack what Pomp can do.
And well I know that worthy citizens
Do carry minds so frank and bountiful,
As for their honour they will spare no cost:
Especially to let their enemy know,
Honour in England, not in Spain, doth grow.

PLEASURE.
And for the time that they in pleasure spend,
'Tis limited to such an honest end,
Namely, for recreation of the mind,
With no great cost, yet liberal in that kind,
That Pleasure vows with all delights he can
To do them good--till death to be their man.

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Theatre review: Three Women, Jermyn Street, London
Obituary: Prolific crime novelist, Oscar-nominated screenwriter and man of many pseudonyms

Climbing the walls

Barack Obama is teaming up with Spider-Man in a comic from Marvel, which will see the future president exchanging a fist-bump with the superhero. The story sees one of Spidey's oldest enemies, the Chameleon, trying to stop Obama being inaugurated. Spider-Man's alter ego, Peter Parker, is covering the event as a photographer, and saves the day.

"Ya hear that, Chameleon?" Spider-Man says as he thwacks the villain in the face. "The president-elect here just appointed me ... secretary of shuttin' you up."

He tells Obama: "This is your day, and I know it wouldn't look good to be seen palling around with me" - in a nod to Sarah Palin's comment that Obama had been "palling around with terrorists".

"When we heard that president-elect Obama is a collector of Spider-Man comics, we knew that these two historic figures had to meet in our comics' Marvel Universe," said the publisher's editor-in-chief, Joe Quesada.

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