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A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Vol. VI by Robert Dodsley

R >> Robert Dodsley >> A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Vol. VI

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POLICY.
Of Policy they trial have at large.

POMP.
Then, let us go, and each man to his charge.

[_Exeunt the three Lords_.

_Enter_ SIMPLICITY _led by_ USURY.

SIMPLICITY.
I, sir? Why, alas! I bought them of a stranger, an old Frenchman,
for good gold, and to be worth ten pound, for so he told me. I have
good witness, for my own wife was by, and lent me part of the money.

USURY.
And what did they cost you?

SIMPLICITY.
Ten shillings, every penny.

USURY.
That argues you are guilty. Why, could ye buy so many rings and buttons
of gold, think ye, for ten shillings? Of whom did ye buy them?

SIMPLICITY.
Of an old Frenchman, the old French disease take him!

USURY.
And where dwells that old Frenchman?

SIMPLICITY.
In France, I think, for he told me he was to go over the next tide
or the next day:
My wife can tell as well as I,
If ye think I lie.
For she was by.

USURY.
A good answer: he dwells in France, and you dwell here; and for
uttering copper for gold you are like to lose both your ears upon
the pillory, and besides lose your freedom.

SIMPLICITY.
Nay, if I lose my ears, I care not for my freedom: keep you my freedom,
so I may keep my ears. Is there no remedy for this, Master Usury?

USURY.
None, except you can find out that old Frenchman.

SIMPLICITY.
Peradventure I can, if you'll let me go into France to seek him.

USURY.
So we may lose you, and never see him. Nay, that may not be.

SIMPLICITY.
Nay, good Master Usury, take all my goods, and let me go.

_Enter_ FRAUD, DISSIMULATION, SIMONY, _in canvas coats like sailors_.

FRAUD.
What's the matter, Usury, that this poor knave cries so?

SIMPLICITY.
O Master Fraud! speak to him to let me go.

FRAUD.
Fraud, ye villain! call me not by my name, and ye shall see I will
speak to him to let you go free. [_Aside_.]
Usury, of all old fellowship, let this poor knave pack, if the matter
be not too heinous.

USURY.
No: fie! his fault is odious. Look here what stuff he would utter for
gold: flat copper; and he say'th he bought them of an old Frenchman.

FRAUD.
But thou didst not sell them, didst thou?

SIMPLICITY.
No, sir; I would have but laid them to pawn for five pounds to him.

FRAUD.
That was more than they were worth. I promise thee, a foul matter.
Well, thou must lose thy ware, and be glad to escape: so, Usury,
at my request ye shall let the poor man go.

USURY.
Well, for this once I will. Sirrah, get ye packing, and take heed of
such a piece of work again, while ye live.

SIMPLICITY.
There is divers pieces of work in that box: pray ye, give me some of
my goods again, a ring, or something.

USURY.
Not an inch, and be glad to 'scape as ye do.

SIMPLICITY.
Alas! I am undone: there's all the wealth and stock I have.

FRAUD.
Do ye long to lose your ears? be gone, ye foolish knave.

SIMPLICITY.
I thank ye, Master Fraud. I'll not go far, but I'll be near to hear
and see what the meaning of these fellows in this canvas should be;
for I know Fraud, Dissimulation, and Simony to be those three. Here,
I think, I am unseen.
[SIMPLICITY _hides him near them_.

FRAUD.
Usury, thank me for this good booty, for it is I that holp ye to it,
for I sold them to him for gold indeed, in the shape of an old French
artificer; come, give me half, for I deserve it, for my part was the
first beginning of this comedy. I was ever afraid lest the fool should
have known me; for ye see now, though disguis'd, he called me by my name.

SIMPLICITY.
Did I so? I am glad I have found the Frenchman. Now, I'll raise the
street, but I'll have my wares again, and prove ye, as ye were ever,
both false knaves, I believe.
[_Exit_ SIMPLICITY[269].

FRAUD.
Kill him, stab him! Out, villain! he will betray us all.

USURY.
What a fool were you to speak before he was gone: now you have lost
your part of this, too; for he will go complain, you will be sought
for, and I made to restore these things again.

FRAUD.
Not if thou be wise: thou wilt not tarry the reckoning, for seest
thou not us three, Dissimulation, Simony, and myself?

USURY.
Yes: what means these canvas suits? Will ye be sailors?

FRAUD.
Usury, make one: this is our intent. Let's see that none hear us now.
The Spaniards are coming, thou hearest, with great power: here is no
living for us in London; men are growen so full of conscience and
religion, that Fraud, Dissimulation, and Simony are deciphered, and
being deciphered are also despised, and therefore we will slip to the
sea, and meet and join with the enemy; and if they conquer, as they may,
for they are a great army by report, our credit may rise again with
them: if they fail and retire, we may either go with them and live in
Spain, where we and such good fellows are tolerated and used, or come
slyly again hither, so long as none knows but friends.

USURY.
But will you do thus, you two?

DISSIMULATION.
And thou too, I hope: why, what should we do?

USURY.
Whatsoever ye do, be not traitors to your native country.

SIMONY.
'Tis not our native country, thou knowest. I, Simony, am a Roman:
Dissimulation, a mongrel--half an Italian, half a Dutchman: Fraud so,
too--half French and half Scotish; and thy parents were both Jews,
though thou wert born in London, and here, Usury, thou art cried out
against by the preachers. Join with us, man, to better thy state, for
in Spain preaching toucheth us not.

USURY.
To better my state? Nay, to alter my state, for here, where I am,
I know the government: here I can live for all their threat'ning.
If strangers prevail, I know not their laws nor their usage: they
may be oppressors, and take all I have; and it is like they are so,
for they seek that's not their own. Therefore here will I stay,
sure to keep what I have, rather than be a traitor upon hap and
had-I-wist: and stay you, if ye be wise, and pray as I pray, that
the preachers and all other good men may die, and then we shall
flourish; but never trust to strangers' courtesy.

FRAUD.
We shall trust but to our friends and kin. You'll not go with us, yet
for old acquaintance keep counsel; betray us not, for we'll be gone to
sea. I am afraid yon foolish knave have belaid the streets for us.

USURY.
Let me go afore ye: if any such thing be, I'll give ye inkling.
[_Exit_.

FRAUD.
Do: farewell, Usury: and as he goes one way, we'll go another.
Follow, sirs: never trust a shrinker, if he be your own brother.

[_Exeunt omnes_.

_Enter the three Lords with their Pages and_ FEALTY, _a Herald,
before them, his coat having the arms of London before, and an
olive tree behind_.

POLICY.
Fealty, thou faithful herald of our town,
Thou true truce-keeper and sure friend in peace,
Take down our shields, and give them to our boys.
[_He delivers them_.
Now, Fealty, prepare thy wits for war,
To parley with the proud Castilians,
Approaching fast the frontiers of our coast.
Wit here, my page, in every message shall
Attend on thee, to note them and their deeds.
I need not tell thee, they are poor and proud:
Vaunters, vainglorious, tyrants, truce-breakers:
Envious, ireful, and ambitious.
For thou hast found their facings and their brags,
Their backs their coffers, and their wealth their rags;
But let me tell thee what we crave of thee--
To scan with judgment what their leaders be,
To note their presence and observe their grace,
And truly to advertise what they seem;
Whether to be experienced in arms,
Or men of name--those three that lead the rest--
The rest refer we to thy own conceit.

FEALTY.
I hope in this my duty to discharge,
As heretofore----

SIMPLICITY _make a great noise within, and enter with
three or four weaponed_.

SIMPLICITY.
Clubs! clubs![270] Nay, come, neighbours, come, for here they be: here
I left them, arrant thieves, rogues, coseners. I charge ye, as you will
answer, 'prehend them; for they have undone me, and robb'd me, and made
me the poorest freeman that ever kept a ballad-stall.

A CONSTABLE.
I charge ye keep the peace, and lay down your weapons.
[_To the three Lords_.

POMP.
Who rais'd this tumult? Speak, what means this stir?

SIMPLICITY.
O, I am undone, robb'd, spoil'd of all my stock! Let me see, where
be they? Keep every street and door: 'xamine all that comes for
Fraud that cosener.

POLICY.
Masters, what mean you in these troublous times
To keep this coil?

CONSTABLE.
Alas! my lord, here's a poor man robb'd or cosened.

SIMPLICITY.
I am robb'd.--O my boys, my pretty boys, I am undone!
Saw ye no thieves, nor no crafty knaves? What be all these?

WIT.
Simplicity, away! these be our lords; offend them not for fear.

SIMPLICITY.
I seek not them: I seek for Fraud that robb'd me.

PLEASURE.
Go, seek elsewhere, for here's no place for such.

POLICY.
My friends, depart, and qualify this stir,
And see peace kept within the walls, I charge ye.

CONSTABLE.
I will, my lord. Come, Simplicity, we came too late to find your losses.

SIMPLICITY.
Pray for me, my boys; I think I shall hang myself.
I come ever too late to speed.

[_Exeunt_.

POLICY.
Now, lords, let honour's fire inflame our thoughts,
And let us arm our courage with our cause,
And so dispose ourselves to welcome them.
Do me the favour (if I may entreat)
To be the first to front the foe in face:
The vanguard let be Policy's this once,
Pomp's the main battle, Pleasure's the rearward;
And so bestow us, if you think it good.

POMP.
I think it good, and time that it were done.

PLEASURE.
I think it good, and wish the enemy come.

_Enter_ DILIGENCE.

DILIGENCE.
And here they come, as brave as Philip's son
And his Hephaestion wont to be array'd,
In glittering gold and party-coloured plumes;
With curious pendants on their lances fix'd,
Their shields impress'd with gilt copartiments;
Their pages careless playing at their backs,
As if with conquest they triumphing came.

POLICY.
If they be conquer'd, greater is their shame.
But, Diligence, go post alongst the coast
To tell the news; and look, to welcome them,
Let us alone. My lords, you hear the news:
More words were vain; I know ye well resolv'd.

[_Exit_ DILIGENCE.

POMP.
And here they come. O proud Castilians!

_Enter first_, SHEALTY _the Herald; then_ PRIDE, _bearing his
shield himself, his impress a Peacock; the word_ Nonpareil;
_his Page_, SHAME, _after him with a lance, having a pendant gilt,
with this word in it_, Sur le Ciel. AMBITION, _his impress a black
horse saliant, with one hinder-foot upon the globe of the earth,
one fore-foot stretching towards the clouds, his word_ Non sufficit
orbis; _his Page_, TREACHERY, _after him, his pendant argent and
azure, an armed arm catching at the sunbeams, the word in it_ Et
gloriam Phoebi. _Last_, TYRANNY, _his impress a naked child on a
spear's-point, bleeding; his word_ Pour sangue; _his Page_, TERROR,
_his pendant gules, in it a tiger's head out of a cloud, licking
a bloody heart; the word in it_ Cura cruor. _March once about the
stage, then stand and view the Lords of London, who shall march
towards them, and they give back, then the Lords of London wheel
about to their standing, and th' other come again into their
places. Then_ POLICY _sends_ FEALTY; _their Herald's coat must
have the arms of Spain before, and a burning ship behind_.

POLICY.
My lords, what mean these gallants to perform?
Come these Castilian cowards but to brave?
Do all these mountains move to breed a mouse?
Fealty, go fetch their answer resolute,
How they dare be so bold, and what
They dare do here.

[_As_ FEALTY _is going toward them, they send forth_ SHEALTY.

SHEALTY.
What wouldst thou, herald?

FEALTY.
Parley with those three, herald.

SHEALTY.
They scorn to grace so mean a man as thou
With parley or with presence.

FEALTY.
Do they scorn?
What, are thy masters monarchs every one?
Or be they gods? or rather be they devils?
Scorn they a herald's presence and his speech?
Name them, that I may know their mightiness,
And so avoid of duties some neglect.

SHEALTY.
Monarchs in minds, and gods in high conceits,
That scorn you English as the scum of men,
Whom I ne dare without their licence name,
'Fore whom thy duties all are few and base.

FEALTY.
Imperious Spaniard, do a herald right:
Thyself art one; their trouchman[271] if thou be,
Be thou my trump[272], that I my message may
Through thee convey to them from London lords.

SHEALTY.
Base English groom, from beggars sent belike,
Who for their mate thee malapert account,
Dare I (think'st thou) these lords magnificent,
Without their special pleasure understood.
Once move with message or with show of speech?

FEALTY.
More servile thou to lose a herald's due,
That is in field a king's companion.
But if thou dare not my ambassage do,
Stand by, and stop not my access to them.

SHEALTY.
Rather will I return, and know their minds.

[_When_ SHEALTY _goes to them_, WIT _goes to the
three Lords of London_.

POLICY.
Now, boy, what news?

WIT.
The fearful herald of yon famous crew
Durst not your message to his masters tell,
Till Fealty with contumelious words
(Yet was the Spaniard brave and hot in terms)
Enforced him for their answer resolute.

[_The Spaniards whisper with their Herald_.

POMP.
Which now, belike, our herald shall receive;
For theirs comes to him.

SHEALTY.
It pleaseth them to be magnifical,
And of their special graces to vouchsafe
A counterview of pages and of shields,
And countermessage by us heralds done;
A favour which they seldom grant to foes.
Go thou for those; I meet thee will with these.

FEALTY.
My lords, yon braving Spaniards wish
A counterview of pages and of shields,
But what they mean or be, I know not yet.
Haply you may by their impresses view,
Or I by parley some conjecture give,
So please it you your pages and your shields
With me to send: their herald comes with theirs.

POLICY.
Our shields I reck not, but to send our Wealth--

FEALTY.
Accompanied with Wit and Will--no peril.

POMP.
It is my Wealth; but keep him, if they dare:
I'll fetch him double, if they do, my lords.

PLEASURE.
Boys, take our shields and spears, for they come on.

WIT.
Vail, Spaniard: couch thy lance and pendant both.
Knowest where thou art? Here will we bear no braves.

[_When the English boys meet the other, cause them to put
down the tops of their lances, but they beat up theirs_.

WEALTH.
Down with your point: no loft-born lances here
By any stranger, be he foe or friend.

WILL.
Well dost thou note the couching of thy lance;
Mine had, ere this, else gor'd your Spanish skin.

FEALTY.
Well done, my boys; but now all reverence--

SHEALTY.
Advance again your lances now, my boys.
[_Hold up again_.

S. PRIDE.
Dicito nobis ideo, qui ades, quid sibi velint isthaec emblemata?
Dicito (inquam) lingua materna: nos enim omnes belle intelligimus,
quamvis Anglice loqui dedignamur.

FEALTY.
Then know, Castilian cavalieros, this:
The owners of these emblems are three lords,
Those three that now are viewing of your shields:
Of London, our chief city, are they lords;
Policy, Pomp, and Pleasure be their names;
And they, in honour of their mistresses,
Love, Lucre, Conscience, London ladies three,
Emblazoned these scutcheons, challenging
Who durst compare or challenge one of them.
And Policy a tortoise hath impress'd,
Encompass'd with her shell, her native walls,
And _Providens securus_ is his word:
His page is Wit, his mistress Lady Love.
Pomp in his shield a lily hath portray'd,
As paragon of beauty and boon-grace:
_Glorie sans peere_ his word, and true it is;
With London's Pomp Castile cannot compare:
His page is Wealth, his mistress Lucre hight.
Pleasure, the dainty of that famous town,
A falcon hath emblazon'd, soaring high,
To show the pitch that London's Pleasure flies:
His word _Pour temps_, yet never stops to train,
But unto Conscience, chosen for his dear:
His page is Will; and thus th'effect you hear.

S. PRIDE.
Buena, buena, per los Lutheranos Ingleses.

FEALTY.
Mala, mala, per Catholicos Castellanos.

POLICY.
Loqueris Anglice?

SHEALTY.
Maxime, Domine.

POLICY.
Agendum: go to, then; and declare
Thy lords their shields, their pages and their purpose.
Speak, man; fear not: though Spain use messengers ill,
'Tis England's guise to entreat them courteously.

SHEALTY.
Three cavalieros Castilianos here,
Without compeers in compass of this world,
Are come to conquer, as full well they shall,
This molehill isle, that little England hight,
With London, that proud paltry market-town,
And take those dames, Love, Lucre, Conscience,
Prisoners, to use or force, as pleaseth them.
The first (now quake) is Spanish Majesty,
That for his impress gives Queen Juno's bird,
Whose train is spang'd with Argus' hundred eyes;
The Queen of Gods scorns not to grace him so:
His word is _Nonpareil_, none his like;
Yet is his page or henchman Modesty,
Lucre the lady that shall be his prize:
And in his pendant on his lance's point
_Sur le Ciel_ his word, Above the heavens.

POLICY.
Whilome, indeed, above the heavens he was,
Could he have kept him in that blessed state.
From thence for pride he fell to pit of pain;
And is he now become the pride of Spain?
And to his page, not Modesty, but Shame.
Well, on, the rest----

SHEALTY.
Don Honour is the next grand peer of Spain,
Whose impress is a courser saliant,
Of colour sable, darkening air and earth,
Pressing the globe with his disdainful foot,
And sallying to aspire to rolling skies:
_Non sufficit orbis_ is his haughty word,
The world sufficeth not high Honour's thoughts;
And on the pendant, fixed on his lance,
A hand is catching at the sunny beams:
_Et gloriam Phoebi_, and the sun's bright coach
Honour would guide, if he might have his will.
His page is Action, tempering still with state.

POLICY.
Himself Ambition, whom the heavens do hate.

SHEALTY.
And Love the lady that he hopes to gain.

POLICY.
His thoughts, distract from foul-distempered brain,
Proves him the very firebrand[273] of Spain:
And in his shield his black disordered beast,
Scaling the skies, scornful to tread the ground,
And both his words--proud words--prove perfectly
Action his page to be but Treachery,
Ever attendant on Ambition.
But to the third----

SHEALTY.
The third grand cavaliero is Government,
Severe in justice and in judgment deep:
His impress is a naked infant, gor'd
Upon a lance, signifying Severity.
His word _Pour sangue_; for blood of enemies
He bends his forces: on his pendant is
A tiger, licking of a bleeding heart;
And _Cura cruor_ is the word thereon:
His care's for blood of those that dare resist.
Yet hight his page, that follows him, Regard,
And he for Conscience to this conquest comes.

POLICY.
The Government of Spain is Tyranny,
As do his impress and his words declare:
His page is Terror; for a tyrant fears
His death in diet, in his bed, in sleep.
In Conscience' spite, the Spanish tyranny
Hath shed a sea of most unguilty blood.
Well, what's the end?

SHEALTY.
The end is, best you yield,
Submitting you to mercy of these lords.

POMP.
Before we fight? soft, sir; ye brave too fast.
Castilians, know that Englishmen will knock. But say,
Doth Spanish Pride for London's Lucre gape?

PLEASURE.
And would their Tyranny Conscience captive have?

POLICY.
Doth their Ambition London's Love affect?

SHEALTY.
All this they will, and prey upon your town,
And give your lands away before your face.
Alas! what's England to the power of Spain?
A molehill, to be placed where it pleaseth them.

POMP.
But in this molehill many pismires be,
All which will sting, before they be remov'd.
What is thy name?

SHEALTY.
Shealty.

POLICY.
An Irish word, signifying liberty;
Rather remissness, looseness, if ye will.
Why hath thy coat a burning ship behind?

SHEALTY.
To signify the burning of your fleet
By us Castilians.

POLICY.
It rather means your commonwealth's on fire
About your ears, and you were best look home.
A commonwealth's compared to a ship:
If yours do flame, your country is hot; beware.

FEALTY.
I see, Castilians, that you marvel much
At this same emblem of the olive-tree
Upon my back; lo, this it signifies.
Spain is in wars; but London lives in peace:
Your native fruit doth wither on your soil,
And prospers where it never planted was.
This London's Fealty doth avouch for truth.
Herald of war, and porter of their peace,
Command ye me no service to my lords?

S. PRIDE.
Quid tu cum dominis mox servietis miseri nobis[274]: discede.

FEALTY.
Quid mihi cum dominis servietis miseri meis!

POMP.
Shealty, say unto yon Thrasoes three,
The Lords of London dare them to the field,
Pitying their pride and their ambition,
Scorning their tyranny, and yet fearing this,
That they are come from home and dare not fight;
But if they dare--in joint or several arms,
Battle or combat--him that Lucre seeks,
Your Spanish Pride, him dare I from the rest.

PLEASURE.
That bloody cur, your Spanish Tyranny,
That London's Conscience would force with cruelty,
I challenge him for Conscience' sake to fight
A Lord of London, and I Pleasure hight.
And, Shealty, when citizens dare them thus,
Judge what our nobles and our courtiers dare.

POLICY.
Say, if thou wilt, that London's Policy
Discerns that proud Ambition of Spain;
And for he comes inflam'd with London's Love,
In combat let him conquer me, and have her.
This is Love's favour; I her servant am.

POMP.
This Lucre's favour: Pomp for her will fight.

PLEASURE.
This Conscience' favour: she my mistress is.

SHEALTY.
You craven English on your dunghills crow.

POMP.
You Spanish pheasants crow upon your perch:
But when we fire your coats about your ears,
And take your ships before your walled towns,
We make a dunghill of your rotten bones,
And cram our chickens with your grains of gold.

SHEALTY.
You will not yield?

PLEASURE.
Yes, the last moneth.

SHEALTY.
Farewell.

[_Retire Heralds with the Pages to their places_.

S. PRIDE.
Vade.

POLICY.
Herald, how now?

FEALTY.
Yon proud Castilians
Look for your service.

POMP.
So do we for theirs.
But, Fealty, canst thou declare to me
The cause why all their pages follow them,
When ours in show do ever go before?

FEALTY.
In war they follow, and the Spaniard is
Warring in mind.

POLICY.
But that's not now the cause.
Yon three are Pride, Ambition, Tyranny:
Shame follows Pride, as we a proverb have;
Pride goes before, and Shame comes after.
Treachery ever attends upon Ambition;
And Terror always with a fearful watch
Doth wait upon ill-conscienced Tyranny.
But why stay we to give them space to breathe?
Come, Courage! let us charge them all at once.

[_Let the three Lords pass towards the Spaniards, and the
Spaniards make show of coming forward and suddenly depart_.

POMP.
What braving cowards these Castilians be?
My lords, let's hang our 'scutcheons up again,
And shroud ourselves, but not far off, unseen,
To prove if that may draw them to some deed,
Be it to batter our impressed shields.

PLEASURE.
Agreed. Here, Fealty, hang them up a space.

[_They hang up their shields, and step out of sight. The Spaniards
come, and flourish their rapiers near them, but touch them not, and
then hang up theirs; which the Lords of London perceiving, take
their own and batter theirs. The Spaniards, making a little show to
rescue, do suddenly slip away and come no more_.

POLICY.
Facing, faint-hearted, proud, and insolent,
That bear no edge within their painted sheaths,
That durst not strike our silly patient shields!

POMP.
Up have they set their own: see, if we dare
Batter on them, and beat their braving lords.

PLEASURE.
Let them not yonder hang unhack'd, my lords.

POLICY.
With good advice, that we be not surprised.

POMP.
And good enough myself will onset give[275]
On Pride's. At your Peacock, sir.

PLEASURE.
At Tyranny's will I bestow my blow,
Wishing the master.

POLICY.
I at Ambition's strike. Have at his pampered jade!

_Enter_ S. PRIDE.

S. PRIDE.
Fuoro Viliagos! fuoro Lutheranos Ingleses! fuoro, sa, sa, sa!

POMP.
Their shields are ours: they fled away with shame.
But, lordings, whiles the stratagem is fresh,
And memory of their misfortune green,
Their hearts yet fainting with the novel grief,
Let us pursue them flying: if you say it,
Haply we may prevent their passage yet.

POLICY.
With speed and heed the matter must be done.

PLEASURE.
Therefore you, Policy, shall our leader be.

[_Exeunt omnes_.

_Enter [the] three Ladies and_ NEMO.

NEMO.
The day is ours: fair ladies, let us joy
The joyful day that all men may rejoice;
Yet only I am thankful for this good,
And your good day at hand approacheth fast,
Wherein you shall be join'd to three such lords,
As all the cities under heaven's bright cope
Cannot with all their glory match in worth.
Lucre, Lord Pomp a victor comes to thee:
Love, look thou for Lord Policy as well;
And Conscience for her well-reformed phere,
Pleasure, that only made his choice of her.
Upon that day triumphant shall we feast,
Wherein, mesdames, your honours nill be least.

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Theatre review: Three Women, Jermyn Street, London
Obituary: Prolific crime novelist, Oscar-nominated screenwriter and man of many pseudonyms

Climbing the walls

Barack Obama is teaming up with Spider-Man in a comic from Marvel, which will see the future president exchanging a fist-bump with the superhero. The story sees one of Spidey's oldest enemies, the Chameleon, trying to stop Obama being inaugurated. Spider-Man's alter ego, Peter Parker, is covering the event as a photographer, and saves the day.

"Ya hear that, Chameleon?" Spider-Man says as he thwacks the villain in the face. "The president-elect here just appointed me ... secretary of shuttin' you up."

He tells Obama: "This is your day, and I know it wouldn't look good to be seen palling around with me" - in a nod to Sarah Palin's comment that Obama had been "palling around with terrorists".

"When we heard that president-elect Obama is a collector of Spider-Man comics, we knew that these two historic figures had to meet in our comics' Marvel Universe," said the publisher's editor-in-chief, Joe Quesada.

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