A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Vol. VI by Robert Dodsley

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TYRANNY.
This device is praiseworthy: how say'st thou, Avarice?

AVARICE.
I like it well, if it were put in ure,
Yet little gain to me shall this whole practice,
More than I had before-time, procure.

HYPOCRISY.
The legates are ready to ride, I am sure;
Wherefore we had need to make no small delay:
They stay for my coming alone, I dare say.
Howbeit the laity would greatly mislike,
If they should know all our purpose and intent;
Yea, and perhaps some means they would seek
Our foresaid business in time to prevent.

TYRANNY.
Will you then be ruled by my arbitrament?
Lest the people should suddenly dissolve tranquillity,
For the legate's defence, let him use me Tyranny.

HYPOCRISY.
Herein your counsel is not much unwise,
Save that in one thing we had need to beware:
Lest you be known, we will you disguise,
And some grave apparel for you will prepare;
But your name, Tyranny, I fear all will mar:
Let me alone, and I will invent
A name to your nature, which shall be convenient.
Zeal shall your name be: how like you by that?
And therefore in office you must deal zealously.

TYRANNY.
Let me alone, I will pay them home pat:
Though they call me Zeal, they shall feel me Tyranny. [_Aside_.

HYPOCRISY.
Lo, here is a garment: come, dress you handsomely.
Ay, marry (quoth he), I like this very well:
Now to the devil's grace you me seem to give counsel.
Now must I apply all my invention,
That I may devise Avarice to hide.
Thy name shall be called Careful Provision,
And every man for his household may lawfully provide:
Thus shalt thou go cloaked, and never be spied.

AVARICE.
Thy counsel, Hypocrisy, I very well allow,
And will recompense thee, if ever I know how.

TYRANNY.
Now on a boon[34] voyage let us depart,
For I [am] well loth any time to delay.

HYPOCRISY.
Nay, yet in sign of a merry heart,
Let us sing before we go away.

AVARICE.
I am content; begin, I you pray;
But to sing the treble, we must needs have one.

HYPOCRISY.
If you say so, let it even alone.

[_Exeunt_.

ACT III, SCENE 1.

PHILOLOGUS.
Too true, alas, too true, I say, was our divination,
The which Mathetes did foresee, when last we were in place;
For now indeed we feel the smart and horrible vexation,
Which Romish power unto us did threaten and menace.
Wherefore great need we have to call to God alway for grace;
For feeble flesh is far too weak those pains to undergo,
The which all they that fear the Lord are now appointed to.
The legate from the Pope of Rome is come into our coasts,
Who doth the saints of God each where with tyranny oppress,
And in the same most gloriously himself he vaunt and boast:
The more one mourneth unto him he pitieth the less.
Out of his cruel tyranny the Lord of heaven me bless;
For hitherto in blessed state my whole life I have spent,
With health of body, wealth in goods, and mind alway content.
Besides, of friends I have great store, who do me firmly love:
A faithful wife and children fair, of woods and pasture store,
And divers other things which I have got for my behoof,
Which now to be deprived of would grieve my heart full sore.
And if I come once in their claws. I shall get out no more,
Unless I will renounce my faith, and so their mind fulfil;
Which if I do, without all doubt my soul for aye I spill.
For sith I have received once the first-fruits of my faith,
And have begun to run the course that leadeth to salvation,
If in the midst thereof I stay or cease, the Scripture saith
It booteth not that I began with so good preparation;
But rather maketh much the more unto my condemnation:
For he alone shall have the palm which to the end doth run,
And he which plucks his hand from plough, in heaven shall never come.
Those labourers which hired were in vineyard for to moil,
And had their penny for their pain, they tarried all while night;
For if they ceased had, when sun their flesh with heat did broil,
And had departed from their work, they should have lost by right
Their wages-penny: I likewise shall be deprived quite
Of that same crown, the which I have in faith long looked for.
But for this time I will depart: I dare here stay no more.

[_Exit_.

ACT III., SCENE 2.

HYPOCRISY.
Ha, ha, ha! marry, now the game begins.
Hypocrisy throughout this realm is had in admiration,
And by my means both Avarice and Tyranny crept in,
Who in short space will make men run the way to desolation.
What did I say? my tongue did trip--I should say, consolation--
For now, forsooth, the clergy must into my bosom creep,
Or else they know not by what means themselves alive to keep.
On the other side the laity, be they either rich or poor--
If rich, then Avarice strangle them, because they will not lose
Their worldly wealth: or else we have one subtle practice more;
That is, that Sensual Suggestion their outward man shall pose,
Who can full finely in each cause his mind to them disclose.
But if that neither of these twain can to my train them win,[35]
Then at his cue to play his part doth Tyranny begin.
As for the poor knaves, such a one as this is,
We do not esteem him, but make short ado.
If he will not come on, we do him not miss,
But to the pot he is sure to go:
Tyranny deals with him and no mo.
But I marvel what doth him from hence so long stay,
Sooner named, sooner come, as common proverbs say.

[_S[t]ep aside_.

ACT III., SCENE 3.

TYRANNY, AVARICE, HYPOCRISY.

[TYRANNY.]
By his wounds, I fear not, but it is cock sure[36] now.

[HYP. He hath a goodly grace in swearing.]

Under the legate's seal, in office I am placed:
Therefore whoso resist me, I will make him to bow.
Who can make Tyranny now be disgraced?

[HYP. He is graceless already.]

With a head of brass I will not be outfaced,
But will execute mine office with extreme cruelty,
So that all men shall know me to be plain Tyranny.

AVARICE.
Nay, Master Zeal, be ruled by me:
To such as resist such rigour you may show.

TYRANNY.
Zeal? nay, no Zeal; my name is Tyranny:
Neither am I ashamed who doth my name know,
For in my dealings the same I will show,

[HYP. He is Kit Careless.]

None dare reprove me, of that I am sure,
So long as authority on my side endure.
But to thy words a while I will list;
Therefore in brief say on what you will.

AVARICE.
I would have you show rigour to such as resist,
And such as be obstinate spare not to kill;
But those that be willing your hests to fulfil,

[HYP. Hark the practice of spiteful Sumnors.]

If they offend, and not of obstinacy,
For money excuse them, though they use villany,
Thus shall you perform your office aright,
For favour or money to spare the offendent.

TYRANNY.
So may I also, of malice or spite,
Or rancour of mind,[37] punish the innocent.
But I will be ruled by thine arbitrament,
And will favour such as will my hand grease.
The devil is a good fellow, if one can him please:[38]

[HYP. And you are one of his sons, methink, by your head.]

But to follow our business great pains we do take;
On an hasty message we were fit to be sent.

HYPOCRISY [_Aside_].
When I lie a-dying, I will you messengers make:
You ply you so fast, you are too-too diligent.
Whoop how, Master Zeal, whither are ye bent?

AVARICE.
Hark! methought one hallooed, and called you by name.

TYRANNY.
I would it were Hypocrisy.

AVARICE.
It is the very same.
What, Master Hypocrisy, for you I have sought
This hour or two, but could you not find.

HYPOCRISY.
That is no marvel, it is not for nought,
For I am but little, and you two are blind;
Neither have you eyes to see with behind:
Yet may the learned note herein a mystery,
That neither Tyranny nor Avarice can find out Hypocrisy.
But what earnest business have you in charge,
That with so great speed must presently be finished?

TYRANNY.
Marry, see here.

HYPOCRISY.
What is it?

TYRANNY.
A commission large
From my Lord Legate himself authorised,
The effect whereof must presently be practised.

HYPOCRISY.
What is the tenure,[39] pray you let me know?

TYRANNY.
Avarice hath read it, not I; let him show.

AVARICE.
He hath firstly in charge to make inquisition,
Whether altars be re-edified, whether chalice and book,
Vestments for mass, sacraments, and procession,
Be prepared again: if not, he must look,
And find out such fellows as these cannot brook,
And to my Lord Legate such merchants present,
That for their offence they may have condign punishment.
If any we take tardy, Tyranny them threat,
That for their negligence he will them present;
And I desirous some money to get,
If ought they will give me, their evil will prevent;
Yea, sometime of purpose such shifts we invent.

HYPOCRISY.
Peace, yonder comes one; methink it is a priest,
By his gown, cap, and tippet made of a list.

ACT III., SCENE 4.

CACONOS, HYPOCRISY, TYRANNY, AVARICE.

[CACONOS.]
In[40] gude feth, sir, this newis de gar me lope,
Ay is as light as ay me wend, gif that yo wol me troth,
Far new agen within awer loud installed is the Pope,
Whese legat with authority tharawawt awr country goth,
And charge befare him far te com us priests end lemen hath,
Far te spay awt, gif that he mea, these new-sprang arataics,
Whilk de disturb aur hally Kirk, laik a sart of saysmatics.
Awr gilden Gods ar brought ayen intea awr kirks ilkwhare,
That unte tham awr parishioner ma offer thar gude-will.
For hally mass in ilk place new thea autars de prepare,
Hally water, pax, cross, banner, censer and candill,
Cream, crismatory, hally bread, the rest omit ay will,
Whilt hally fathers did invent fre awd antiquity,
Be new received inte awr kirks with great solemnity.
Bay these thaugh lemen been apprest, the clargy all het gean,
Far te awr sents theis affer yifts all whilk we sall receive:
Awr hally mass, thaw thea bay dere, thea de it but in vain,
Far thaw ther frends frea Purgatory te help thea dea believe,
Yet af ther hope, gif need rewhayre,[41] it wawd theam all deceive.
Sea wawd awr pilgrimage, reliques, trentals, and pardons,
Whilk far awr geyn inte awr Kirk ar braught in far the nonce.
Far well a nere what war awr tenths and taythes that gro in fild,
What gif we han of glebed loud ene plawwark bay the year,
Awr affring deas de vara laytell ar nething te us yield:
Awr beadroll geanes, awr chrisom clethes de laytle mend awr fare
Gif awt af this we pea far vale, we laytle mare can spare.
Sawl-masses, diriges, monethmayndes and buryings,
Alsowlnday, kirkings, banasking and weddings.
The sacraments, gif we mowt sell, war better than thea all;
Far gif the Jews gave thratty pence te hang Chraist on a tree,
Gude Christian folk thrayse thratty pence wawd count a price but small;
Sea that te eat him with their teeth delaivered he mawght be.
New of this thing delaiverance ne man can make but we,
Se that the market in this punt we priests sawd han at will,
And with the money we sowd yet awr pooches we sowd fill.

HYPOCRISY.
I will go and salute him: good morrow, Sir John.[42]

CACON.
Naw, bay may priest-hade, God give ye ten far ene.

HYPOCRISY.
Do you, Master Parson, in this parish sing?

CACON.
Yai, sir, that ay de, gif yowl give me trothing.

TYRANNY.
I have a commission your house and church to seek,
To search if you any seditious books do keep.

CACON.
Whe ay? well a near, ay swear bay the Sacrament,
Ay had rather han a cup af nale than a Testament.

HYPOCRISY.
How can you without it your office discharge?

CACON.
It is the least thing ay car far, bay may charge;
Far se lang as thea han images wharon te luke,
What need thea be distructed awt af a buik?

HYPOCRISY.
Tush! that will modify them all well enou':
As well a dead image as a dumb idol, I make God avow.

CACON.
Yai, ay my sen bay experience thot con show;
Far in may portace the tongue ay de nat know,
Yet when ay see the great gilded letter,
Ay ken it sea well, as nea man ken better.
As far example: on the day of Chraist's nativity,
Ay see a bab in a manger and two beasts standing by:
The service whilk to Newyear's-day is assaign'd
Bay the paicture of the circumcision ay faynd:
The service, whilk on Twalfth-day mun be done,
Ay seeke bay the mark of the three kings of Cologne.
Bay the devil tenting Chraist ay find whadragesima:
Bay Chraist on the cross ay serch out gude-fraiday.
Pasch for his mark hath the Resurrection:
Ayenst Hally-Thursday is pented Chraist's ascension:
Thus in mayn own buke ay is a gude clerk;
But gif the sents war gone, the cat had eat my mark.
Se the sandry mairacles, whilk ilk sent have done,
Bay the pictures on the walls sal appear to them soon,
Bay the whilk thea ar learned in every distress,
What sent thea mun prea te far succour, doubtless:
Sea that all lepers to Sylvester must prea,
That he wawd frae tham ther disease take away.
Laykwais, thea that han the falling saickness,
Te be eased therfre thea mun prea to Sent Cornelis:
In contagious air, as in plague or pestilence,
Te hally Sent-Ruke[43] thea mun call far assistance.
Fra paril of drawning Sent Carp keep the mariners:
Fra dayng in warfare Sent George guard the soldiers:
Sent Job heal the poor, the ague Sent German:
For te ease the toothache call te Sent Appolline[44].
Gif that a woman be barren and childless,
Te help her herein she must prea te Sent Nicholas.
Far wemen in travail call to Sent Magdalen;
Far lawliness of mind call to Sent Katherine,
Sent Loy save your horse, Sent Anthony your swine.

TYRANNY.
What! this parson seemeth cunning to be,
And, as far as I see, in a good uniformity.
Yea, he is well read in that Golden Legend.

CACON.
Bay may troth, in reading any other ne taym do I spend,
Far that, ay ken, bay general caunsel is canonised,
And bay the hely Pope himself is authorised:
That buke farther is wholly permitted,
Wharas the Baible in part is prohibited.
And therefore, gif it be lawful to utter my conscience,
Before the New Testament ays give it credence.

HYPOCRISY.
I allow his judgment before Ambrose and Austin,
And for Hypocrisy a more convenient chaplain.

AVARICE.
It grieveth me much that no fault we can spy,
For now of some bribe disappointed am I;
Yet happily he may tell us of some heretics.

TYRANNY.
Is there, Mast. Parson, in your parish no schismatics?

CACON.
Yai, mara, is ther a vara busybody,
Whe will jest with me and call me fule and noddy,
And sets his lads te spout Latin ayenst me,
But ay spose then with _Deparfundis Clam aui_:
And oftentimes he wil reason with me of the Sacarment,
And say he can prove bay the New Testament
That Chraist's body is in heaven placed;
But ays not believe him, ay woll not be awt-faced.
He says besayd that the Pope is Antichraist,
Fugered of John bay the seven-headed beast,
And all awre religion is but mon's invention,
And with God's ward is at utter dissension;
And a plaguy deal mare of sayk layk talk,
That ay dar not far may narse bay his yate walk,
But ay wawd he wer brunt, that ay mawght be whaiet.[45]

TYRANNY.
He must have a cooler; his tongue runs at riot.

AVARICE.
What is his name, Sir John, canst thou tell us?

CACON.
Yai, sir, that ay ken: he is cleped Phailelegoos.

TYRANNY.
Wilt thou go show his house, where he dwell?

CACON.
Yai, or els ay wawd may sawl war in hell.
Te de him a pleasure ay wawd gang a whole year,
Gif it war but te make him a fadock[46] te bear.

TYRANNY.
Go with us, Avarice, and bear us company.

AVARICE.
Nay, if you go hence, I will not here tarry.

HYPOCRISY.
Away, sirs: in your business in a corner do not lurk,
That my Lord Legate, when he comes, may have work.

TYRANNY.
Come on: let us go together, Sir John.

CACON.
Ay sall follow after. God boy, you good gentleman.

HYPOCRISY [_Aside_.]
Farewell three false knaves as between this and London!

TYRANNY.
What say'st thou?

HYPOCRISY.
As honest men as the three Kings of Cologne.

[_Exeunt_ TYR. AVA. CACON.

This gear goes round, if that we had a fiddle:
Nay, I must sing too, _heigh, dery, dery, dery_.
I can do but laugh, my heart is so merry:
I will be minstrel myself, _heigh, didle, didle, didle_;
But lay there a straw I began to be weary.
But hark; I hear a trampling of feet.
It is my Lord Legate; I will him go meet.

ACT IV., SCENE I.

CAR[DINAL]. HYP. AVA. TYR. PHILO.

[CARDINAL.]
Go to, Master Zeal,[47] bring forth that heretic,
Which doth thus disturb our religion catholic.

HYPOCRISY.
Room for my lord's grace! what! no manner reverence,
But cap on head, Hodge, and that in a lord's presence?

CARDINAL.
What, Master Hypocrisy, I have stayed for you long.

HYPOCRISY [_Aside_].
You were best crowd in, and play us among.

CARDINAL.
Where have you been from me so long absent?
I appointed to have been here three hours ago,
In my consistory to have sat in judgment
Of that wretched schismatic that doth trouble us so.

HYPOCRISY.
What, have you caught but one, and no mo?
In faith, father Avarice, you have plied your chaps well.

AVARICE.
I must needs confess that I am paid for my travail.

TYRANNY.
Room for the prisoner! what, room on each hand,
Or I shall make some out of the way for to stand.
Lo, here, my lord, is that seditious schismatic,
That we have laid wait for, an arrant heretic.

[_Enter_ PHILOLOGUS.]

CARDINAL.
Sit down, Master Hypocrisy, to yield me assistance.

HYPOCRISY.
I thank your lordship for your courteous benevolence.
I will be the noddy--I should say the notary,
To write before my Lord Legate, which is commissary.

CARDINAL.
Ah, sirrah! be you he that doth thus disturb
The whole estate of our faith catholic?
Art thou so expert in God's laws and word,
That no man may learn thee, thou arrant heretic?
But this is the nature of every schismatic:
Be his errors never so false doctrine,
He will say by God's word he dare it examine.

PHILOLOGUS.
With humble submission to your authority,
I pardon crave, if ought amiss I say;
For being thus set in peril and extremity,
To me unacquainted, my tongue soon trip may:
Wherefore excuse me, I do your lordship pray,
And I will answer to every demand,
According to my conscience, God's word being my warrant.

CARDINAL.
To begin therefore orderly: how say'st thou, Philologus,
Have I authority to call thee me before?
Or, to be short, I will object it thus:
Whether hath the Pope, which is Peter's successor,
Than all other bishops preheminence more?
If not, then it follow that neither he,
Nor I which am his legate, to accompts may call thee.

PHILOLOGUS.
The question is perilous for me to determine,
Chiefly when the party is judge in the cause;
Yet, if the whole course of Scripture ye examine,
And will be tried by God's holy laws,
Small help shall you find to defend the same cause,
But the contrary may be proved manifestly,
As I in short words will prove to you briefly.
The surest ground, whereon your Pope doth stand,
Is of Peter's being at Rome a strong imagination,
And the same Peter, you do understand,
Of all the disciples had the gubernation,
Surmising both without good approbation,
Unless you will by the name of Babylon,
From whence Peter wrote, is understanded Rome.
As indeed divers of your writers have affirmed,
Reciting Jerome, Austin, Primatius, and Ambrose,
Who by their several writings have confirmed
That Rome is New Babylon: I may it not glose.
But it were better for you they were dumb, I suppose,
For they labour to prove Rome by that acception
The whore of Babylon, spoke of in the Revelation.
But grant that Peter in Rome settled was,
Yet that he was chief it remains you to prove;
For in my judgment it is a plain case,
That if any amongst them to rule it did behove,
He should be the chief, whom Christ most did love;
To whom he bequeathed his mother most dear,
To whom in revelation Christ did also appear.
I mean John Evangelist (by birth) cousin-german
To our Saviour Christ, as stories do us tell:
From whose succession if that you should claim
Superiority, you should mend your cause well,
For then of some likelihood of truth it should smell,
Where none so often as Peter was reproved,
Nor from steadfast faith so oftentimes removed.
But grant all were true herein you do feign,
Mark one proper lesson of a Greek orator:
As a good child of his father's wealth is inheritor,
So of his father's virtues he must be possessor.
Now Peter follows Christ, and all worldly goods forsakes;
But the Pope leaveth Christ, and himself to glory takes.
And to be short, Christ himself refused to be a king,
And the servant above the master may not be;
Which being both true, it is a strange thing,
How the Pope can receive this pomp and dignity,
And yet profess himself Christ's servant to be.
Christ will be no king, the Pope will be more:
The Pope is Christ's master, not his servant, therefore.

CARDINAL.
Ah, thou arrant heretic! I will thee remember.
I am glad I know so much as I do:
I have weighed thy reasons, and have found them so slender,
That I think them not worthy to be answered [to].[48]
How say you, Master Hypocrisy?

HYPOCRISY.
I also think so;
But let him go forward and utter his conscience,
And we will a while longer hear him with patience.

CARDINAL.
Say on, thou heretic: of the holy Sacrament;
Of the body and blood of Christ, what is thine opinion?

PHILOLOGUS.
I have not yet finished my former argument.

CARDINAL.
Say on, as I bid thee: thou art a stout minion.

PHILOLOGUS.
I shall then gladly: it is a sign of union,
The which should remain us Christians among,
That one should love another all our life long.
For as the bread is of many cornels compounded,
And the wine from the juice of many grapes do descend,
So we, which into Christ our Rock are ingrounded,
As into one temple, should cease to contend,
Lest by our contention the Church we offend.
This was not the least cause, among many more,
Which are now omitted, that this Sacrament was given for.
The chiefest cause why this Sacrament was ordained,
Was the infirmity of our outward man;
Whereas salvation to all men was proclaimed,
That with true faith apprehend the same can,
By the death of Jesus Christ, that immaculate Lamb;
That the same might the rather of all men be believed,
To the word to add a Sacrament it Christ nothing grieved.
And as we the sooner believe that thing true,
For the trial whereof more witnesses we find,
So by the means of the Sacrament many grew
Believing creatures, where before they were blind;
For our senses some savour of our faith now do find,
Because in the Sacrament there is this analogy,
That Christ feeds our souls, as the bread doth our body.

CARDINAL.
Ah, thou foul heretic! is there bread in the Sacrament?
Where is Christ's body, then, which he did us give?

PHILOLOGUS.
I know to the faithful receiver it is there present,
But yet the bread remaineth still, I steadfastly believe.

CARDINAL.
To hear these his errors it doth me greatly grieve:
But that we may shortly to some issue come,
In what sense said Christ, _Hoc est corpus meum_?

PHILOLOGUS.
Even in the same sense that he said before:
_Vos estis sal terrae, Vos estis lux mundi,
Ego sum ostium_, and a hundred such more,
If time would permit to allege them severally;
But that I may the simple sort edify,
You ask me in what sense these words I verify,
Where Christ of the bread said, "This is my body."
For answer herein I ask you this question:
Were Christ's disciples into salt transformed
When he said, "Ye are the salt of the earth every one,"
Or when the light of the world he them affirmed?
Or himself to be a door when he confirmed?
Or to be a vine, did his body then change?
If not then, why now? this to me seemeth strange.

CARDINAL.
Why, dost thou doubt of Christ his omnipotency,
But what so he willeth doth so come to pass?

PHILOLOGUS.
God keep me and all men from such a frenzy,
As to think anything Christ's power to surpass,
When his will to his power joined was;
But where his will wanteth, his power is ineffectual:
As Christ can be no liar, God cannot be mortal.
Set down therefore some proof of his will
That he would be made bread, and then I recant.

CARDINAL.
This caitiff mine ears with wind he doth fill:
His words both truth and reason doth want.
Christ's word is his will; this must thou needs grant.

PHILOLOGUS.
He spake the word likewise, when he said, "I am the door,"
Was his body transformed into timber therefore?

CARDINAL.
Nay, if thou beest obstinate, I will say no more.
Have him hence to prison, and keep him full sure:
I will make him set by my friendship more store.
But hearest thou, Zeal? go first and procure
Some kind of new torment which he may not endure.

TYRANNY.
I am here in readiness to do your commandment,
And will return hither again incontinent.

HYPOCRISY.
At thy return bring hither Sensual Suggestion,
That, if need be, he may us assist,
Lest that both I and Careful Provision
The zeal of Philologus may not fully resist;
But he in his obstinacy doth still persist:
To put him to death would accuse us of tyranny;
But if we could win him, he should do us much honesty.

TYRANNY.
I hear you, and will fulfil your words speedily.
[_Exit_ TYRANNY.

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